Rose's Journal

Chapter 19: The Call

Flynn slept in until noon. She was so emotionally exhausted that she didn't even realize that it was that late.

"SHIT!" she yelled aloud, "I have to meet Carrie at the café at 12:15PM." Flynn quickly got ready and ran out the door. She turned on the car and started driving. She was driving, the only thoughts in her head were her stressed about being late. Then, "Guardian Angel" from Let it Shine came on her shuffle. She heard the first few notes and was happy, until she remembered that Julie hated her now. This was their song, the one that they would scream from the top of their lungs. Flynn would always do the rap, and Julie would sing Roxy's part. The tears weld up in her eyes to the point where she had to pull over because she could barely see. She pulled into a nearby parking lot, parked the car, and began to sob. She hurt her best friend in the entire world, and here she was, driving to meet Carrie just to hurt her again. She couldn't do it, not to Julie. She picked up her phone and went to text Carrie until Carrie texted her first.

"Not coming." That was all her text said.

It was like she was back to the old Carrie: someone Flynn despised. Why the change? she thought to herself. But at least Flynn didn't have to be the one to ditch. Still, she was angry. She really couldn't have given her the common respect of an explanation? Here Flynn was sitting, trying to think of the right thing to say, and all Carrie could give her was "not coming"? Flynn calmed herself down and called her. Carrie picked up the phone.

"I told you, I'm not coming," Carrie said, her voice breaking.

"Carrie, what's wrong?" Flynn asked, now feeling bad for thinking about yelling at her.

"Flynn, please stop pretending you care about me."

"Carrie, we may have had our falling out, and we may be a little mean to each other, but I never stopped caring. Please, I want to help you."

"You sound upset too, so why don't you just focus on yourself, okay?"

"Wow, the Carrie Wilson caring enough to notice me being upset? Wow she must really have a heart."

Flynn could hear Carrie's slight chuckle through the phone, which she quickly tried to cover up. "No, I just would typically make fun of you for the way your voice is all squeaky, but I lack the energy."

"Mhm. Anyways, I'll tell you what's wrong with me if you tell me what's wrong with you?"

"Fine, I guess. But you brought up all this feelings shit, so you have to go first."

"Ummm no, I asked first."

They were both silent for a while, neither one of them wanting to give the other the satisfaction of letting the other be the first to talk. Much to Flynn surprise, Carrie broke first.

"It's kinda stupid. It's just that my house got broken into while my dad was away on business, and he got really pissed at me for it, like I could have prevented it. I told him it was probably while I was at my Dirty Candi concert, and he asked who Dirty Candi was. I mean he was probably stressed and just forgot. Yeah, it's stupid."

Flynn felt horrible for her. Her dad couldn't even remember her group's name? That must have stung, and Flynn felt horrible that she made any contribution to that.

"Carrie, I'm so sorry, that must've been difficult," Flynn said. "You're probably right though, he was probably just stressed."

"Yeah, I overheard him talking to someone about how 'the song' was gone. He must've been working on something new and someone came into the house, so they could steal it and release it themself. I mean that's pretty shitty. I don't know I guess I just got more sensitive because he's never even gone to see one of my shows. He literally went to see Julie and the Phantoms at the Orpheum, and he hasn't even gone near a Dirty Candi show. So, now that I told you the shit I overreacted for, what's wrong with you?"

Flynn couldn't tell her everything, but she could at least give the summary. "Julie and I got into a big fight, and she's not talking to me. I mean, we've had our share of fights, but this one feels different, and I'm worried."

"Is about me, isn't it?" Carrie asked. "She wasn't happy to see us hanging out after my show."

Flynn sighed, "Yeah. It was about you. But it's not your fault. I guess there's just some unresolved animosity she holds towards you. And you have to admit you haven't been the nicest to her."

"Yeah I haven't. But are you supposed to be nice to your exes?"

"I mean, you guys were once friends. I didn't think it was going to end like this, and I always secretly hoped that you guys would make up, so the three of us could go back to being friends, and I could stop pretending to hate you. I just wish everything could be the way it used to be."

Carrie's voice slightly broke, "Yeah. There's a lot of mess there."

"What's making you upset now?" Flynn asked hearing this shift in her voice.

Carrie sighed, "If I tell you this, you have to SWEAR to never tell anyone. I can't have people knowing."

"Carrie, I swear I won't."

"Okay. You know how Julie and I used to pass notes when we dated like three years ago?"

"Yeah, I do."

"The day before we broke up, my dad found the notes. He flipped out on me, started talking about sending me to a religious boarding school. So, I told him that they were all from Nick, and that Julie's name was only on them because she used to write them for Nick as a 'secret admirer.' My dad didn't buy it, so he told me I had to bring Nick to our house for dinner the next night. So, I broke up with Julie over text because I couldn't do it to her face without feeling bad about it, then I told Nick what happened with my dad, and he agreed to fake date me, something about how someone did that for one of his dads when he was in high school. After that, you two hated me, as it looked like you should have, so I just became cold and distant. It was easier to just be mean then to actually feel everything that I was feeling."

Flynn was shocked, "Wow. I-I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Carrie."

Carrie hung up the phone and laid down on her bed and cried. She couldn't think of any logical reason why she just told Flynn that. She's gonna tell Julie then they're gonna expose me. I deserve it for all the horrible shit I've said and done to them, Carrie thought to herself. She put up all these walls to defend herself, and now they were all going to crumble. She needed to talk to someone, but she had no one. She never allowed herself to get close to her group because that was the mistake she made with Julie and Flynn the first time, and she wasn't going to go back there. Talking to Flynn was the first real discussion she had had about her feelings in a long time. Sure, she would confide in Nick here and there, but she never let all her emotions spill out like that, not since the day she broke up with Julie. Her attitude worked as her guard, keeping everyone away from her. She even began to push Nick away, which led him to fake breakup with her. Even when tragedy hit in her life, she only cried about it at night in her room. She looked at her phone and saw a thread of texts from Flynn.

"Carrie, are you okay?"

"Please respond I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I forgive you, and I know Julie would too she'd understand."

"Carrie, I promise I won't tell anyone."

Carrie smiled, and her tears changed from those of sadness and regret to more joy. She had a friend again. She replied:

"I will be. Thank you <3."

Flynn saw Carrie's text pop up on her phone and sighed in relief. She was worried when she hung up the phone, but everything started to click when Carrie told her this. The yelling, the snide remarks, and the cruelty: she was just suppressing her feelings. She realized that Carrie was just trying to protect herself, and that was something that Flynn could understand. Flynn was planning on cutting Carrie out, for Julie's sake in the hope that they could be friends again, but now she realized that Carrie needed someone to be there for her more than anything, and Flynn knew she needed to be that person for her. Carrie wasn't going to open up to anyone else, and that was evident. Flynn responded to Carrie's text.

"I'll always be here for you. Please know that <3."