Namjoon stared blankly out the window of his cold bedroom. He felt so alone. Well, maybe he felt alone because he was alone. He lived with 6 other men who were all cheery and bright with each other but never with him. He never knew why they did it, they just did. Granted, Namjoon wasn't even supposed to be there. His mother wasn't the best guardian once his dad's infidelity was revealed so it was only a matter of time before the law took Namjoon away from her. Namjoon was still a child when it occurred but most of the events were burned into his memory, he just chose not to think about it. Eventually, he ended up in the custody of his aunt. His dear auntie. She was the opposite of her sister. Despite Namjoon not being her actual son, she sure did treat him like he was. Namjoon, along with her 6 other children, loved her dearly. So her sudden death hit all 7 of them hard. Maybe the situation was worse for his brothers than he thought because they soon started abusing him after. They took their anger out on him whenever they got the chance. The physical pain they bestowed upon him was just child's play compared to the emotional damage they've inflicted. Namjoon entered their life as a joyous child and he's ended up just a shell of his former self. He just couldn't understand. What did he do to deserve this treatment? His eldest brother, Seokjin, was already of age when she passed. He was forced to drop out of school in order to take care of his 6 younger brothers. Of course, Jin was the first to snap and physically lay hands on Namjoon. The others followed suite shortly after. His eyes no longer sparkled whenever he was happy for he couldn't find much reason to be happy. Or maybe he's lying. He did have a reason. Just a single sliver of hope. And his hope took the form of his youngest brother Jungkook.
"Hyung?" The door to Namjoon's bedroom slowly creaked open. "I brought you some dinner. Jin hyung refused to cook for you...again." Jungkook gently closed the door behind him and crept over to sit next to Namjoon on his bed. He placed the plate of food in Namjoon's lap and frowned when he saw the faint outline of Namjoon's body in the moonlight. "You're getting too skinny hyung..."
Namjoon forced a smile and shook his head as he shakily raised a spoonful of food to his mouth. "Don't worry Jungkook, I'll live. I'm sure hyung is just trying to help me lose some weight. Taehyungie did say I've been getting a little chubby recently." That thought caused Namjoon to hesitate for a second. How dare he eat after realizing he's been gaining weight? His dear brothers would be so disappointed.
Jungkook's frown only deepened. "Please Joonie hyung, don't listen to them. You really need to eat. You're much too skinny for somebody your age." It's true really. Namjoon was already in his late 20's and was incredibly underweight. Especially for somebody his height. He looked so damn fragile and it broke Jungkook's heart. No matter how many times he's tried to speak with his hyungs about their behavior towards Namjoon, never ever changed. There was something they just weren't telling him and it pissed him off. Whatever secret they were keeping from him, it apparently drove them to go batshit crazy and abuse poor Namjoon.
"Kookie.." Namjoon placed the plate of food on the nightstand without taking any bites. "You should probably go...before somebody catches you with me." Namjoon could tell that Jungkook wanted to protest but decided against it. They both knew that the others would never hurt Jungkook. The last time Jungkook was caught hanging out with Namjoon, it was the older male who had gotten punished. The memory of Yoongi repeatedly landing hit after hit to his face while accusing him of "brainwashing" Jungkook was certainly something he didn't want to relive. Yoongi was small but his large, veiny hands hurt like hell.
"Alright. I'll see you later hyung but please, eat your dinner. You're so precious to me and I really don't want to lose you.." Jungkook planted a small peck on Namjoon's cheek before he stood up and exited the bedroom. The tiny acts of affection was something that Namjoon grew accustomed to when it came to Jungkook. Namjoon was sure that Jungkook was really doing all of this out of pity. Who would want to help somebody like him live? Brother or not, Namjoon was just a waste of space. With a small sigh, Namjoon grabbed the plate of food and reluctantly began to eat.
"Hyung's always been good at cooking huh?" Jin never cooked for Namjoon but Jungkook would sneak some for him whenever he could. There were days when Jungkook came back empty handed but Namjoon would just brush aside his apologies with a simple 'I need to lose weight anyways'
After finishing his dinner, Namjoon slipped the plate into a plastic bag that Jungkook would sneakily collect in the morning. They developed this system after the first time Jungkook got caught. Trash was Jungkook's chore anyways so it was easy for him to slip the plate into the sink. Placing the bag in the corner of the room, Namjoon paused for a second and slowly poked his side with his pointer finger. Ever since Jungkook started getting on Namjoon's ass about eating, Namjoon's ribs weren't as visible as before. That was supposed to be a good thing but Namjoon couldn't help but feel like a disappointment. The others were going to notice him getting fat at some point and call him out for it. He knew he wasn't as lean as Jimin, he knew he wasn't as pretty as Taehyung, he knew he wasn't as talented as Hoseok, he knew he wasn't as skilled as Yoongi, and he knew that he wasn't as useful as Seokjin.
"But that doesn't mean I don't want their love..." Namjoon's eyes welled up with tears but he did his best to blink them away. No. He had Jungkook. He had his precious Kookie and he should be thankful for that. He knew how much Jungkook hated it when he cried so he wiped his eyes. "I won't cry..I need to stay strong for Jungkook.."
On that note, Namjoon crawled into bed and pulled his thin blanket up to his chin. His room was cold enough was it is and the blanket barely had enough fabric to cover his feet. Namjoon hugged himself tightly and shivered. How he wished he could cuddle with someone...or at least have a thicker blanket. Seriously, his brothers shouldn't even have bothered getting him a bed at all. His bed was as hard as a rock, his pillow was flat as hell and his blanket was practically nonexistent on top of that. Namjoon shook his head and pinched his thigh as a form of punishment. He should be grateful that his brothers still provided a roof over his head still. They could have easily kicked him out by now if they truly wanted to but they didn't. Only because they still love him of course. Why else would they keep him around?
Namjoon smiled to himself and closed his eyes, mumbling softly under his breath. "They love me, I know they do."
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"Hey loser, wake your pathetic ass up!" Namjoon was startled awake at the sound of Hoseok's loud voice followed by consistent banging on his door. Namjoon bolted upwards and frantically looked around his room before remembering that he had no way of telling what time it was. The others refused to get him a phone and claimed that Namjoon had no need for an alarm clock since he had no purpose in the world anyways.
"I-I'm awake hyungie!" Namjoon rolled out of bed and rubbed his eyes. His clothes were dirty and torn up but he wasn't allowed to leave the house so nobody bothered to buy him clothes. Well, Jungkook tried to of course but Namjoon rejected the idea every time. Because 'you shouldn't waste money on useless things Kookie.'
"We're going to the movies today and this house better be fucking spotless by the time we get back slut!" It was Taehyung who spoke this time. Namjoon pouted lightly and bit his lip to avoid sobbing. He wanted to go too! It wasn't fair! But he couldn't exactly say that out loud.
"Yes Taehyung...h-have fun you guys!"
"Oh we'll have plenty of fun knowing that you'll be on your knees doing something useful rather than sucking somebody's dick." Namjoon cringed slightly and help by a hurt whimper as Taehyung and Hoseok walked away, laughing loudly. He's never been on his knees that way! And even if he wanted to be, his brothers wouldn't let him out the house so how would he event get the chance?
Once Namjoon heard the front door slam shut, he slowly left his room. He snuck around the house silently to double check that they all left and sighed in relief when he found the house empty. He hated leaving his room when they were there. It would always end up with him covered in new bruises. Dragging himself down the stairs, Namjoon looked at the piled up dishes in the sink. This time, he freely let his tears fall. It was no surprise that they ate without him but it still made his heart ache. He just wanted to fit in. He wanted to be apart of the family again. Was that too much to ask? Was he being selfish? Namjoon let out a shaky sigh as he turned on the faucet.
❤︎❤︎
"I found him. I found the key to unlocking the power of the Phoenix. I need him and I need him soon."
A/N: Hmm yes lemme keep publishing stories that I'll probably never finish
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Darkness in the Light (Namjoon-centric)
Fanfiction"It's funny how you called Namjoon useless, because he's certainly helpful to me." "You've always hated me. Why do you want me back?"
