Returned- Drarry COMPLETE

Chapter 36

—Draco POV—

"It's not going to get better." He whispered.

It was well past the middle of the night and Harry and I had just been laying in each other's arms unmoving, silent. It was as if we were trying to comfort each other to sleep while knowing ourselves that we wouldn't succumb to it's peaceful darkness. But still, neither of us spoke, because what if the other was finally sleeping?

At least, neither of us had spoken until Harry said what he'd just said.

"I think it will get better... with time." I whispered in reply. "You're doing loads better than you were a year ago." I added, suppressing a yawn.

"No... not that. That's something else. I meant everything... that's happened- happening." He clarified.

Oh. I thought as I repositioned myself so I could look into his eyes.

"It will... you'll see; people will forget after a while, or they'll see Skeeter and her papers for the rubbish they are." I reasoned.

"You don't believe that." He replied, leaving me in a sort of silence as we laid staring at each other.

I mean, he's not wrong... it's been worrying me a lot- to a point of almost exhaustion. Scorpius doesn't even understand the extent of the rumors and what impact they can have on him. Teddy sent a letter after his first week of Hogwarts saying that he was trying to avoid involving McGonagall, but that he also didn't feel safe walking the halls alone. Harry replied to that owl telling him to talk to McGonagall, and to keep his friends close. It's not safe for me or Harry to leave the house. The rumors have gotten stronger and a lot of people have been quick to turn on Harry; we've gotten Owls... it's gotten to the point where if it's not an Owl from Ron, Hermione, Teddy, or someone we're expecting it from, I won't let him open it. I've burned about fifty letters in this week alone.

"It doesn't matter if I believe it... we can't think like that, or it will only feel worse." I reasoned. "If you start talking and thinking like that, then it will only make everything worse."

He blinked a couple of times, moving to hug me again, as we were before he'd begun talking. I allowed him to nuzzle into the crook of my neck, bringing my own arms around him as well. He sighed.

"It's just... difficult." I sighed in response to his statement.

"I know. But we have to focus on the positives. We can't constantly dwell on this situation we're in. It's really not healthy." Especially not for you. But I kept that portion of my statement out, knowing it wouldn't help in any way.

I brought my hand to his head, combing my fingers through his hair, feeling as he relaxed into my touch. It always seems to calm him down, and I don't complain- I love playing with his ever-so-messy black hair.

"I guess you're right, it's just... I don't know, I'm used to shitty situations, I guess." I gave him a peck on his hairline.

"Well, I'm here to turn your perspective... I know it's difficult, but you're strong. You've made it through hell and back and you're still breathing, you're still here." I said, continuing to pass my hand through his hair. There was a soft bit of silence where all that was heard was our breathing, or the occasional sound of the house creaking. Things were calm, and I was sure that Harry would fall asleep soon, that was, until a few simple words snapped me into full alertness:

"Is that necessarily a good thing though?"

I stopped hugging him, separating us so I could see him clearly.

"Harry...?" I was searching his eyes frantically for something, anything that would indicate whether his words were real cause for concern; his eyes were closed though, as if it were so simple and plain to question ones own living.

"Harry, it is always a good thing that you're here... How long have you been having these thoughts?" I asked, in disbelief that he would so casually think in such a way- concerned for what could be hiding beneath his words.

"It's nothing," he kept his eyes closed, trying to get closer to me. I backed away slightly.

"Harry please look at me." I waited in silence for him to open his eyes, and when he did, they were clouded over, hazy.

"It's nothing," he repeated. "It's not serious or anything. I haven't thought about it like that." He said, keeping his gaze down and away from me.

"Harry, you're sure?" I didn't know what to think. I felt my heart skip a beat waiting for his response. My throat was closing in anxiety.

"It's nothing." He repeated. I took a nervous breath.

"You know, Harry, people really love and care about you..." I started, reaching out to lift his head so we could look at each other. "Teddy, Ron, Hermione," I swallowed thickly. "All of the Weasley's, really. Me, Scorpius even... we'd be crushed if you weren't here anymore." I'd be absolutely destroyed.

"They've all turned on me, Draco. I used to be suffocated by praise and now I'm being suffocated by looks and sneers. They're hurt. They think I killed Voldemort for my own personal gain now- not to save them. They feel betrayed and they're mad and they're turning on me-" he paused, taking in a breath. It was a moment before he decided he wasn't going to say anything else, staying quiet.

"They're idiots who can think what they want, Harry."

"It's almost like I died and came back for nothing. Maybe they just want me to stay dead next time-"

"Harry, stop. You're scaring me."

"Stop what-"

"You know what." I said, now angry and desperate to know- to be sure, and have secure knowledge that he's okay. I took a deep breath to calm down at least a bit, knowing that anger wouldn't help at all. "Don't say that, it's not true." I told him, growing upset at his ability to think of himself so harshly, growing sick at the thought of losing somebody else that I love. I felt my lip quiver. I can't lose somebody else that I love- not again.

"Harry, you being alive is... the best thing." There was a silence. He was avoiding my eyes again. "Harry, please," I stroked his cheek, slowly lifting his chin. If he isn't looking at me when I tell him, maybe he won't take it in fully. I need to see him- to see my words process in his mind. I need to know that he's listening.

"I don't know what I would do if you were gone... I need you to tell me, now: are you seriously thinking about it? About... offing yourself?" But I felt the blood leave my face as I asked him that, I felt a pang in my chest.

"I haven't thought about actually doing it... not since the last time." He said. Everything was in slow motion. I felt my chest being weighed down by an invisible anxious dread.

"...You're sure?" I asked, taking in every movement, every micro-expression, everything that could give me a glimpse into his mind, such as his lips: pressed into a thin line.

"I'm positive." I nodded- one nod- expecting more information, yet knowing he may not be willing to give more.

"And you'll talk to me if you do think that way? You'll tell me and you'll let us work through it?" He nodded.

At that moment I felt the sudden urge to hold him close and not let go, so that was precisely what I did. I love you. Please don't leave me.

"Things will lull over. We just have to keep the best case scenario in mind- and we can't stir the pot more." I resorted to rubbing comfortingly up and down his spine as I spoke simple things such as 'it will be okay' and 'we all care about you so much.' Among other things. Time passed and soon I noticed his breathing evened out- he'd fallen asleep. I gave him a kiss on the forehead when I'd realized it, pushing his hair out of the way first. It was calm and quiet, when suddenly, I was racing out of the bedroom at the sound of my name as a scream- a cry- a wail. One that came from none other than Scorpius.