Bitch is that a mistletoe (drarry)

Fear

I sit on a low stone wall a few yards from the main courtyard. The snow chill burns my nose and ears.
I'm trying to think. To process my feelings.

You know, our relationship has always been "passionate" if you could call it that. We'd trade insults like chocolate frog cards.

He's an interesting person really. He has a cold and hard exterior with so many walls, I want to break them all down but I'm scared to hurt him. What if he's just all concrete and I spend all my life trying to chip through it, and get my heart broken.
I want to give my heart to him but I'm afraid of what he'll do with it.

I remember a time, I was in third year I think. Right at that age where puberty hits you like a battering ram. I was in my room, doing hormonal teenage boy things. I had this muggle fantasy novel with a femme fatale heroine that had been recommended to me by Ron. I read it and felt nothing at all, I think I knew that I was gay then but I've dated girls since then so I'm not sure.

I pull my knees up to sit criss cross style as I feel the snow start to freeze my arse.

"Potter." I hear a voice from a few yards away.

I look over to see Malfoy striding over to me. Nose and cheeks rosy from the frost laden air, his hair lightly dusted with snow. His grey eyes pierce into me but not with anger.

He leans on the wall about a foot away from me, not making eye contact.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, staring off into the distance at the Scottish mountains surrounding the grounds.

"I heard it's supposed to snow on Christmas this year." Im taken aback, there's no cutting insults or thinly veiled malice, just a simple statement about the weather.

"Is it?" he nods. This is awkward and I think he knows that. He mutters something unintelligible.

"What was that?" I look over at him staring at his feet.

"I'm sorry." I understand what he's talking about and it feels like a hot dagger in my gut.

"Im sorry for... getting angry at you on the pitch. You didn't deserve that." I stay silent and I can feel him getting more and more desperate.

"Please don't give me the silent treatment. Harry-" I'm not entirely sure why this was the line that set me off but I stand up and dash away towards the lake.

My feet pound against the frozen earth, the crunch of the fresh snow is almost enough to drown out Malfoy's pleading cries of my name.

I feel like my world is tumbling around me, every feeling is new and strange. Running is easy, familiar. The slight burn in my muscles and the hot sting of the frigid air on my face, the way my breath comes uneven and ragged. I can see the lake in the distance, too large and turbulent to freeze.

I'm out of view of the courtyard now, I run down the slope. My foot slips on a patch of ice and I go careening down. As I tumble I feel the rocks cut my skin, then my head hits a rock and everything goes dark.

***

Some really shitty things are going on rn so I was in the mood to write some angst.

I bEt YoUlL nEvER gUeSs WhaT HapPEnS nExT

Love, respect, and gay vibes

~Katherpie