Follow the light《Zhanyi version》

Chapter 1: A life for a life

Xiao Zhan's POV

I painted or at least my fingers moved while my eyes watched every movement of the blood-red ink dripping onto the wall, flashing of the snow-white surface, and it honestly had all happened before I even realized what actually had happened.

It started like nothing else than stupid idea before I realized I had nothing to lose, I chuckled softly as an old memory popped up in the back of my mind, the beginning of this 'everything.'

"Do you realize how dangerous you can be?" I looked up to catch her endless deep maze inside her eyes, the stars dancing like flames inside them before I shook my head.

"You're dangerous, Sean, you're dangerous because you don't need anyone, you're dangerous because you got broken, you're dangerous because you know how to make hell feel like a home, and above all, you're dangerous because you have nothing and no one left besides me," her tone was not accusing, but I knew what she meant with those words, what she had always meant with those words, after all, she had cared for him when no one else had done so.

Of course, I knew what her words meant, more than whatever else, and yet I took a deep breath before releasing a small air cloud out of my mouth, her eyes hadn't left mine and only bore deeper while I shrugged the cold off my shoulder.

"I am dangerous, I know I am dangerous, and I know they are disgusted by me, but tell me, my dearest Lily," I took a step forwards, my mouth next to her ear softly breathed next to her before continuing where I left off, "should I be sorry for what they made off me?"

Silence fell down, a deep longing silence filled with thousands of unsaid words flying around us.

"I never told you to say anything, Sean, I only told you to be wrapping yourself up for that what is going to come up because they won't let you off the hook, to them you're a monster . . ." I exhaled a long breath next to her ear before detaching from her, taking a step back towards the darkness behind me, almost blending with it.

"So I should be sorry for the monster they made of me," I spit the words in front of her while she kept the same facade like always, no emotions shown, but I know my words would shatter her, it was not my meaning, and she knew too, yet I was not able to handle myself anymore, I never could.

"Sean, do you believe in miracles?" A deep sigh filled with tiredness left my mouth, it was one of her ways to show me that life was not that bad at all, I honestly loved her, of course, I did, she was, after all, the last person I had left, but sometimes, just sometimes I really had the urge to snap at her wisdom, sometimes I just wanted to be a human, but that would be the last thing I would be labelled as.

The outside world knew my name, and who did not have been living under a rock, they knew my name, knew my story, knew my identity, knew everything literally every single detail about me yet they had no idea what my side of the story was, they had no single idea how I even damn looked, after all these years that passed and in which I had prayed them to forget me, they did not.

If it wasn't for Lily whom I met that freezing night I probably would have died there, in that cold alley without any lights nor warmth, and maybe it wouldn't have even mattered, I had no one left.

"No, no I do not believe in miracles Lily," a dark chuckled followed my words, and I felt emptiness intruding my body, and all I did was embracing it just like I embraced the darkness as a part of me.

"Sean, we literally live on a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire next to a moon that moves the sea . . . And you don't believe in miracles . . . ?" She smiled softly at me, a motherly smile, somehow she always ended up surprising me in a way I could not understand, though we were the same age, she acted way older.

"If miracles existed, then why am I still on the run for humanity?" Without words she ruffled through my hair, messing it up like she always did when she felt like, it was one of the smallest movements he remembered his mom always used to do to him too.

I had hated being an assassin, hated it to be weak, hated Lily, hated my haunting past, but above all this, I hated himself, I hated this weakness leading me to the place I was standing right now.

"Sean, miracles happen, they truly do, every single day, they are sometimes just not easily seen by the blind eye, just please keep hope, I promise you it will be alright in the end," a soft smile was displayed on her face while a lock of her chestnut brown hair fell out of her ponytail in front of her porcelain-like fragile face that was half-hidden because of the cloak she wore.

Her fragile appearance was nothing more than a deceiving lie, just like her beauty was a killer to many people, I had lost the count of how many people had drowned into her deep eyes including myself.

Even though I had been spending half of my life already with her, I basically knew nothing about her while she knew everything about me, as assassins we never ask, we take what belongs to us, it was what Lily taught me, and even though I was curious in some ways she was also a master besides a friend, and so thus I saw it as a favour to shut my mouth and ask nothing.

"And what if it's not alright?" A cold shiver ran down my spine when I listened to my own spooky voice that filled the quiet streets, while her eyes still hadn't detached from mine.

"Then it's not the end yet," so simple, as if it was a promise . . .

I forced myself to push down the old memory while I ended my paintwork, taking a step back, I watched the painting with my head held oblique.

The moon behind my back shone on the snow-white wall painted with big red graffiti words that spatted off, and I grinned while watching my own work, shaking my head lightly with that grin still on my face, I was more than sure the police wouldn't like it, but who was I to care?

They broke me more than I expected they could, they made me snap, and the most stupid thing someone can do is make the prince of the assassins snap.

"Snap . . ." I tasted the familiar word on my lip, it sounded so familiar yet filled with grieve, the word snap sounded almost human-like, but what happened to me that time was inhuman, Lily learned me how to control myself, how not to snap, but then they also should start learning to not take what's not theirs.

If they were not planning to give back what belonged to me, I was not planning to give them back what belonged to them . . .

A life for a life, a human for a human, and a promise for a promise; that was all I was going to ask them, nothing more, and I shrugged in the darkness of the night while slowly stepping back, casually becoming one with the background of the night while the red glowing words were stained inside my memories like a picture.

The words that had left wounds inside my heart, but to them, it was a riddle they couldn't solve they wouldn't even know I had their best agent kidnapped.

I shook my head, no, not kidnapped, just borrowed in favour for what they took from me; a life for a life, the deal would soon be made.

My Lily for their Wang Yibo . . .

And before I turned around to walk away, I glanced one more time back towards the wall, one more time re-reading the words that were visible through the darkness . . .

"Follow the light . . ."

Word count: 1427 words