TRIGGER WARNINGS: The following themes are in this fic: self-harm, addiction, homophobia, abuse, abandonment, self-destructive behaviors and thoughts, suicidal thoughts. If you are not into serious angst, depression and dark fics, feel free to skip this one.
Author Notes: To be honest this is my first ever fic. So PLEASE leave reviews, I would love to improve it in any way I can. I wanted to create an AU in which Blaine and Kurt meet in a moment in which they are both in transition and trying to conquer trauma and abuse in their own ways. This is therefore a super angsty story, but I think the angst will make the eventual fluff at the end even better. This is a SUPER SLOW BURNING fic. So trust and believe that you are in for a ride with this fic, but when they finally end up together it makes it even sweeter. Lastly, the boys are both super horny, so there's a lot of sexual themes and sex in this fic. If you aren't into smut, skip out now bro, cause by chapter four cock is all over this.
I hope you all enjoy this. And thanks for reading.
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Life had never been easy for Blaine Anderson. He had always been too sensitive, too sweet, and too caring. Throughout his high school years, he attended and boarded at the all-boys school Dalton Academy. Dalton trained him to be well mannered and composed, and he never strayed from the narrow path. He knew his father was paying for Dalton because of his "shortcomings" and therefore his father expected him to make good on his investment. Blaine knew after high school he didn't have many options and because he wanted to impress his father and have his college paid for he applied to attend a small university in Virginia. Charles and Baylen University (CBU) was one of the first universities to form in the United States and had a prestigious business program that Blaine knew would impress his father. It was also a university closely aligned with the Catholic church and therefore he knew he could get his mother on board with him going out of state.
His parents, like many other parents in Ohio, are traditionalists. They had been high school sweethearts and married when they were both 21. His father ran an impressive law firm, his mother stayed home and homeschooled him until he was of age to go to middle school, and then she became a preschool teacher at their local catholic parish. Blaine's father never took much of a liking to his son, in part due to the fact that Blaine had been sensitive as a child. He never wanted to play in the mud, but instead wanted to play dress up, and sing songs, and act out the characters in his books. His father never grew to understand him and after the incident that occurred in Blaine's 7th-grade year, he ended up shunning his son away. Blaine's mother loved the fact that Blaine was sensitive and quiet and theatrical, but she soon realized that his spirit would not go over well in the catholic church and encouraged Blaine to do things that were more masculine in nature. She soon became the echo of his father and kept her mouth shut to avoid disagreements, and she too shunned him once he was boarding at Dalton. It made his family-run smoother to only have to be together on holidays, or at church and work events. Blaine, after the incident, learned how to maintain his composer no matter what. He learned how to always appear happy, and always made sure to keep everyone at an arm's length from him.
Today was the beginning of his senior year at CBU and he was excited. It was crazy how fast time passed in college. He had done great and was going to be second or first in his graduating class as long as he maintained his pristine grade point average. He also had gotten involved in several clubs and was the president of the business fraternity Alpha Kappa Psi. He was also mentoring middle school students at the boys and girls club and had an internship with the city's director of finance. He had the perfect resume, and the perfect set up to be able to move on from college and get a well-paying job. He also made a little extra cash each month by tutoring fellow students.
He was excited to start his day and selected an outfit for the day that made him feel like his best self; a pair of tight khaki's, a dark brown belt, a dark green dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, with a cream bow tie, and cream sneakers. The green went well with his dark olive complexion and the cream reflected well against his brown eyes. He had shaved clean the day before and therefore had slight stubble and had chosen to leave his curls alone and cut them short in a faded look. He had finally thrown away all that raspberry hair gel he had used since high school. He topped the look off with a pair of light gold aviator ray bans. He was no longer the kid Blane Anderson; he was the college senior Blaine Anderson ready to conquer everything.
His schedule was tight today with classes, a fraternity meeting, lunch with his internship supervisor, and on top of all of that he would have to be a friendly face on campus because of the incoming freshman. CBU had a small undergraduate student population, and therefore, he was kind and composed and helpful at all times because more than likely if he wasn't someone would hear about it and he had worked too hard to be at the top of his class to have someone saying he was rude. So Blaine took a deep breath, said his mantra, "confidence is silent. courage." He grabbed his black backpack and headed to campus.
Blane went through the day and it was everything he had expected. He had gone to every class and got plenty of compliments on his new look at his meetings. After his day was wrapping up, he went to the dining hall to get a sandwich and then was going to head to his off-campus apartment to organize his week and review some of the assignments and create his homework schedule. While on his way to the dining hall around 5 pm he saw a guy looking confused sitting on one of the wooden benches a couple of meters away from the entrance to the dining hall. He had noticed him purely because of his bright green tight dress pants, and the short-sleeved tight white polo and white sneakers he wore with it. It was a bold color choice and Blaine knew he had to be a freshman because he would have surely noticed someone dressed in those sorts of colors. He thought to continue walking into the hall because he wanted to get home by 6 but instead couldn't help but let himself walk over to the confused boy.
"Hello, do you need anything?" Blaine said to the boy who was looking in the other direction of the path with his back turned slightly to Blaine. The figure turned around quickly and looked at Blaine with a look of relief, and Blaine lost himself to the depth of the boy's ocean blue eyes. Blaine had never seen such bright blue eyes and couldn't help but look a little too intently in them. The man quickly helped him snap out his gaze by answering his question. "Hi, and yes I do need something, I'm sorry to bother you but would you be willing to help me to the dining hall. I missed freshman orientation and haven't gotten fully acquainted with the campus."
Blaine was happy to help replying, "Of course I can help you with that. Do you have your student ID?" "Yep, just need to know where to go." "Perfect, let me go ahead and walk you on over there." Blaine waited for the blue-eyed boy to get his satchel situated on his shoulder and began walking on over to the entrance to the dining hall, remarking how nice the dining hall workers were. He also described the rules and norms and showed him how to swipe his ID card and what all was good and what was not as good. After the tour and after the blue-eyed boy had gotten his food, Blaine took the opportunity to grab his to-go meal and was about to say goodbye to the blue-eyed boy. The boy turned to Blaine and said, "Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it." Blaine said, "no problem, I hope you have a good night" and promptly left.
He ordered his uber to his apartment, and on the car ride home could only think of those ocean-like blue eyes. Blaine had followed his plan. If he was ever encountered with a moment in which he felt could threaten his maintained composure, especially if the individual was particularly beautiful, he had always decided he would never ask their name, be kind and helpful, and then promptly leave. No extra chatting, and no names. He knew of only business. If the individual would boost his resume or become a good contact in the future or if it was one of the students, he got paid to tutor then he would take the time. But if it wasn't related to school, or work then he had no time to waste on whomever it was, even if their eyes were beautiful. He nicknamed the boy Ocean and as soon as he walked into his apartment had decided to try to forget of the incident altogether, knowing a nickname would only get him into trouble. He got on with his planned routine and tried to forget about the encounter. Being Blaine Anderson had never been easy, but on that night, after his first day of senior year, Blaine Anderson realized just how lonely he was. And he dreamt that night of submerging himself in the Pacific Ocean.
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Confidence is Silent: The Fight to Happiness, Freedom, and Love.
FanfictionBlaine Anderson had finally arrived to his senior year of college and had done everything perfectly. He had a perfect resume, a perfect GPA, and even looked perfect. He had stayed away from dating; he had only focused on school in an attempt to make...
