TRIGGER WARNINGS: The following themes are in this fic: self-harm, addiction, homophobia, abuse, abandonment, self-destructive behaviors and thoughts, suicidal thoughts. If you are not into serious angst, depression and dark fics, feel free to skip this one.
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Kurt had left Ohio with just enough money to get him through the first two months in Williamsburg thanks to his dad, but he knew it wouldn't last long and needed to do what he was dreading, find a job. The work wasn't the problem, Kurt preferred to work and earn his way, it was the rough reminder of his failures and mistakes, and his dumb ass getting involved in the wrong crowd and in the wrong purposes, that was the problem. He had spent the past week applying to different places and had received two calls for interviews which he scheduled for Wednesday so he would have time to prepare and get his homework done.
On Tuesday he woke up and couldn't help but feel the weight of the loaming interviews at the forefront of his mind, the anxiety hovering over him like a cloud about to burst, and old habits threatened to resurface. As he got ready, he looked at the scars on his wrists and thought about it. Maybe the pain would blur out the anxiety, but he then refocused himself. The new Kurt Hummel could handle anxiety, and not need to harm or drink or take anything. He could do this. He quickly got ready in a causal streetwear outfit, tight white skinny jeans, neon green and white striped dress shirt, and a pair of neon green high-top sneakers. Kurt felt like being comfortable and couldn't care less about looking professional.
He left his dorm room, and went to the dining hall, and then continued about his day. By the time he was eating a snack at around 4 pm he was exhausted and just wanted to spend his break between class and tutoring sleeping, but instead, he went to his car. His car was kept in the freshman parking lot on the very edge of campus. Kurt had gotten lucky and his dad was able to find him a luxury 2010 Honda Accord Crosstour in a diamond blue color, and it was nice. He only drove it to and from Ohio but had discovered in the past couple of weeks that it was a safe haven, away from the busyness of his dorm hall, and campus life. It nice to have a place to go and listen to music and gather his thoughts. He preferred being alone when he was super anxious because he never wanted to let on that he was struggling. His roommate Xander had probably picked up on it a little bit, but Kurt wasn't going to let him see the reality of his emotional state.
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The past year had been a whirlwind for Kurt, and it all started with his dad. His father was his only family, his mother had died when he was 7 and since then it had always been him and his dad. It was a really warm September day when he saw his Mr. Schuster, his glee teacher, and Ms. Pillsbury, the school counselor coming towards him in French class, with pale and concerned faces. He was out in the hall and on their way to Ms. Pillsbury's office, but he couldn't take it, and just wanted to know.
"Tell me, I'm a big kid, what the hell is going on?" Mr. Schuster's eyes looked away from Kurt's, and he begged, "Kurt, please let's just get to Ms. Pillsbury's office, where you can sit down and then we can talk." Kurt looked at him, and with as much strength he could muster said, "NO! You can tell me right here right now." Ms. Pillsbury finally stepped in, looking at Kurt with a pale face and wide teary eyes, and said it as softly as she could, "Kurt, your father is at the hospital, he had a heartache about an hour ago, and they are working to get him stabilized." Kurt could feel the ground crumbling beneath him, and all he could think was that he had to run and get to his father as soon as he could. There was no time to process everything, there was no time to cry, he just needed to get there and took off running. He ran and ran and ran and before he knew it, he was at the hospital and yelling at the front desk staff to let him back to be with his father.
After that day in his life, everything changed. His father was in a coma for a week, and by the time he came out of it, it was already too late. His father was going to be okay, and recover, but Kurt wasn't okay, he was far from it and it would haunt him. Kurt had been through so much, he had lived through his mother's death and survived the years of bullying and harassment, but for some reason, he just couldn't seem to get through almost losing his father, without the vices and the bad habits, and the bad people and more. He had effectively continued to spiral out of control since that point and he was honestly shocked he was even sitting in his car, at a university, and not sitting in prison instead. It was honestly pure luck he had made it this far, and therefore Kurt knew, he had to breathe through the anxiety, and be smart, and remain focused. He couldn't do that to himself again. He couldn't disappoint his father. It was hard, and Kurt knew it. He was exhausted, and decided to blast a song by Lorde, and close his eyes, and lose himself to the bass and pretend he was doing great, because in all actuality to everyone else he was, but he knew deep down that he was only surviving.
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7 pm came around and Kurt went into the business building and could see the golden sun reflecting in Blaine's beautiful brown eyes, which seemed to sparkle. Kurt could feel the butterflies stir as they reviewed Kurt's accounting homework, and aggregate budget reports. The session went by fairly quickly, and as they were packing up, he couldn't help it. He let his eyes look at Blaine, and notice his bottom lip, and the way his neck is curved, and the bob of his Adam's apple, and Kurt felt tingly. Kurt wanted to say something to Blaine and decided to say the more professional thing first. "Blaine, I just wanted to thank you again for tutoring me. This session was really helpful." Blaine looked at him and gave him a considerate smile, "I'm happy I can be useful to your academic success".
Kurt couldn't help but be slightly disappointed at that response. It was such a clinical response and professional response, and Kurt couldn't help but want Blaine to be a little less professional and a little more friendly. He decided he was going to push it and see what his reply would be this time. "And I just wanted to let you know you look very good." Blaine looked taken aback by the compliment and smiled kindly, replying "Thank you." Kurt couldn't help but feel a little deflated but knew he needed to keep his space. It was already stupid of him to feel tingly for Blane, saying how he is CBU's ken doll, that doesn't date. Kurt got up and began walking to the door with Blaine, making a comment about how he'd come to him next week with more questions, when they both tried to go through the door, Kurt felt the back of Blaine's hand meet his own. Blaine quickly apologized and like a true gentleman let Kurt through the door first. Kurt wasn't paying attention to what he had said to Blaine, he just knew he needed to walk back to his dorm.
Kurt had felt Blaine's skin against his own, and unlike anyone he's ever been with, he somehow had gotten out of breath due to the tiniest of interactions. It felt like Blaine had just kissed him. Kurt was a fluttery mess, and his heartbeat was racing, and he could feel the warmth from Blaine's hand like the heat from a stove. It was such a small, and simple touch, yet it made him feel intoxicated. Kurt got back to his dorm room, set his bag down, and went straight for the en-suit bathroom, which luckily every dorm room at CBU had. He turned around and locked the door, and as soon as that was done, rest his head against the door. He held the back of his hand to his face, and with his other hand began to unbutton his white skinny jeans. He began to stroke his already hard leaking cock and as he stroked, he felt his hand against his face, and closed his eyes, and saw Blaine's brown eyes and his jawbone and the slight stubble, and his curls, and he began to stroke faster and faster.
He eventually had to move his hand from his cheek to cover his mouth because the need to moan had become too great as he imagined Blaine's chest, and his back, and what Blaine would look like with his cock shoved in Blaine's ass, and at that, he felt his orgasm approach, hot and blinding, as he came all over his hand, and shirt. God, he had not had an orgasm that good in a really long time and had to take several minutes to recover. Once his breathing returned to normal, he stripped, and showered, and then went to bed, in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. He laid there reveling in the fact that he had just had the best orgasm and didn't even care that it was due to the fact he was falling for his damn tutor.
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Confidence is Silent: The Fight to Happiness, Freedom, and Love.
FanfictionBlaine Anderson had finally arrived to his senior year of college and had done everything perfectly. He had a perfect resume, a perfect GPA, and even looked perfect. He had stayed away from dating; he had only focused on school in an attempt to make...
