HIT THE ROAD: UNCENSORED.

Chapter 3.

.Seungcheol didn’t want to be a coward, he didn’t want to be selfish either but it kept ringing in his mind that it was time to look after himself. For months his burdens had weighed on him to the extent that every time he got ready to go on stage he felt himself hanging on a thread but the second he heard the cheers from carats, the endless rows of people showing their support and gratitude it made him feel he could hang on a little longer.

Jeonghans betrayal had come at the worst time, not that there was a better moment to find that your lover had cheated on you, but no matter how much he tried to get in the mood, no matter how much he tried to forget, the pain always managed to weave its way out and grow until it was unbearable and he started to fear that if he looked back on this memory all he would find would be the trauma and the misery. And with the way his mind worked, God forbid, he might never be able to perform again.

“Hi, I’m Seventeen leader S.coups” He couldn’t even force a proper smile. The second he stepped back Mingyu was in front of him grinning and smacking his shoulder.

“What’s your problem, Mingyu?” His tone was uncharacteristically vexed.  He ignored it.

“Whats your problem? You and Jeonghan.”

“Whatever he told you is a lie”
“He didn’t tell me anything.”

He shrugged “Well then I guess we’re just exhausted, leave it alone and pay attention.” Thankfully Mingyu didn’t push as he normally would.

When they were finally backstage he took a second to listen to his thoughts and he knew he was broken. His body hurt from overexerting himself which he still felt was worth it to give back to the people who loved them with everything they had. His heart hurt from the stinging feeling betrayal had left and his mental health was deteriorating because he had bottled up his feelings for so long that now they were resurfacing with a vengeance.

Still in the process of trying to fight his emotions for at least one last time, Vernon took a seat next to him “You are a leader Scoups and we appreciate that, but don’t give too much of yourself away that at the end of the day you are left with nothing .We are a team we could easily, no actually not easily, but we could cover for you. We understand you want to do a lot for our fans but trust me when I tell you that they’ll understand but if you don’t take care of yourself and you end up losing your life people would be sad probably for a long time but I promise you they would move on you however will remain dead forever and all these things you’re fighting for you won’t be able to do them.

“More than that losing you most definitely means the end of Seventeen. Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you never saw one of us again? You like everyone else will be traumatised. We might try to fight but just for how long. Scoups if you need to take a second, take it, we’ll survive. I just want you to understand that you don’t have to do this alone.”

All Vernon had managed to do was say the thoughts he had been trying to suppress. He knew he was right, after all Vernon was the wisest among them all, it didn’t matter that he was young he had a personality and mentality that put him in a position where he saw things differently and perceived things easily.”I’ll do the group performance with you guys but I don’t think I can carry on.”

He nodded “We’ll understand.” Scoups put his arms around Vernon in appreciation. “Oh and is Jeonghan okay?

He couldn’t help but be concerned “What’s wrong with him?”

“Well he wouldn’t say but after their performance he began crying. Everyone thinks it’s just his body but still he wouldn’t say. We spoke to him but the managers are still trying to convince him to take a break. I’ll go let them know what you said.” Then he was off.

He took a few more seconds to put on a presentable face then went to finish preparing.  A part of him knew very well the real reason he fought so hard to go back on stage; which was because he was looking for the energy that he felt could sustain him as it always had in the past and if even then he still felt this way then he would know there was a problem and he would allow himself some selfishness.

With those thoughts in mind he stepped into the blinding lights and allowed the screams wash over him.
***