𝐟𝙪𝐥𝐥 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙚 ┃ 𝐥𝙪𝒌𝙚 𝐩𝙖𝒕𝒕𝙚𝙧𝙨𝞸𝙣

Chapter 11

"How can I feel you?" I push back, weirded out.

"I don't know, but you needed it." He says, and I swallow hard and blink back tears. "Let's go back to bed." He puts an arm around me, and yet again I can feel it. I go back upstairs and crawl into bed. He lays down next to me and I look at him questioningly.

"Just until you fall asleep." He whispers, laying back to back with me. Not sure why, but feeling his breathing against my back helps me fall back asleep. I wake up to my alarm at 7:30, and he's gone. I know Mom won't be up yet, she always stays in bed as long as possible on this day, so I decide to go for a short run. I run for about thirty minutes, just around the block, and come back to Kota making breakfast.

"Morning." He mumbles to me, before asking "where did the flowers come from?"

"I got them with Ben, Dad left them there for us." I tell him. He nods, a small smile on his face. Neither of us really want to talk, today just hurts too bad. I run upstairs and grab dads old t shirt that I kept. It's an old Garth Brooks shirt, Dad was a huge fan. Kota bought a thing of Dads cologne about two months before he passed, so every now and then I spray it to make it smell like Dad again. I sprayed it about a week and a half ago, so when I slip it on over my head, I'm surrounded by the good memories. I head back downstairs and come around the corner to see Reggie sitting there next to Ben, who is an absolute mess.

"Ben." He sees me, sees what I'm wearing, and comes running into my arms. He takes a deep breath, and slowly exhales, little whimpers coming out as he cries. I look up and Reggie is crying too. Oh boy.

"What is going on?" Alex comes around the corner. Ben looks up at him with blurry eyes. "Oh not you too little dude."

"Hey, lay off of him." Reggie says, glancing between us and him.

"You ok?" I whisper to him, and he nods.

"I'm bringing this to Mom, I'll be right back," Kota says, carrying a plate to the stairs. I nod, and start walking towards the kitchen, still holding onto Ben, kinda doing a sumo wrestler waddle to get him to move.

"Let's eat buddy." He slowly let's go of me, still holding onto my arm.

He grabs a plate and gets a piece of toast and some eggs. Kota didn't make a lot of food, he knew no one would eat much. I grab less than Ben, leaving Kota enough that I know he'll eat. I'm honestly not hungry, but I make myself eat.

"Morning." I look up to see Luke. I'm really not in the mood to talk, I know he probably will want too much I don't have the energy. I just look back down, and realize I forgot milk.

"Want anything to drink?" I quietly ask Ben. He shakes his head no, and I go to the fridge to grab some.

"Moms coming down in a little bit." Kota says from the bottom of the stairs, startling me. I'm pretty deep inside my own head, and he notices.

"I left you some food." I mumble, going back to my spot. Someone sits down in the chair next to me, and I turn, expecting it to be Kota. Instead, Luke is looking back at me.

"You don't have to talk. We're gonna be here all day." He says quietly. I nod, refusing to say a word. I don't want to cry in front of them, not again.

"Hey guys." I hear Mom's voice from the stairs. I turn around and look at her, and I notice her see the roses. She freezes.

"Who got the flowers?!" She gasps.

"Ben and I were at the store and they were sitting there. Dad left them for us." I speak up, and I see her fight to hold back tears.

"Thank you." She whispers. I nod, and turn back to my food, not being able to look at her any longer. I feel a hand on my back and turn to see Kota's arm.

"Hey, eat." I look up to see Alex staring at me. I'm not hungry, but just to make everyone happy, I still eat.

"Mom?" Ben asks.

"What's up?"

"Are we going to go see him?"

"Yeah." She whispers. My heart drops back into my stomach. I haven't been there since we buried him, I'm not sure if I can handle it.

"Where?" Luke asks Kota quietly. I know he's doing his best to be aware of the situation.

"Our dad grew up in California and is buried here by his sister. We haven't been able to go to his grave since we buried him." Kota fills him in, and I literally start shaking trying to hold back tears. Kota, the stronger one emotionally, pulls me into a hug and I finally lose it crying.

Kota just sits there, letting me get myself through the emotions.

I compose myself, and realize that both Reggie and Alex were crying too, and Luke is on the edge of tears. Oh great.

"You guys ready to go?" Mom asks. I nod. We all stack our dishes in the sink and head to the car.

We all pile in, Kota in the front and me and Ben in the back, the other three piling in around us and in the trunk.

"Two hours got nothing on us." Kota plugs his phone into the aux.

"What is that?" Luke asks, confused.

"An aux chord." Kota tells him. He turns on This Bar by Morgan Wallen, and Ben loses his mind. He loves that song. Not sure why, he just does.

"I FOUND MYSELF IN THIS BAR!" Ben belts out, making me and Kota bust out laughing. Then Kota turns on How 'Bout Them Cowgirls by George Straight which was one of Dads favorite songs. We all break out into singing it, including Reggie who gets really into it. Luke looks like he's never heard this song before.

After the best ride of our lives we pull into the cemetery and my smile drops. I don't know how I'm going to do this.