I'M SORRY BUT I LOVE YOU [COMPLETED]

ISBILY 01: Unrequited Love

Nyx

Love. Love. Love. What is love? What is it actually? Is it something that we can feel? We can see or touch? Something that could make us happy or sad or even make us devastated? I have never been inlove since I knew. I want to know how does love actually feels. I am always wondering, what does it take to be inlove, how does it feel? Will I go crazy just like what I have seen on dramas?

Well, I never knew. Not until I experienced it myself.

I had a friend, a boy bestfriend to be exact. His name was Erebus, Erebus Wayne Gonzales. What a lovely name for a very gorgeous man, it suits him well. He has been my friend ever since high school. He is the kind of person that is a softy inside and out, a sweet one, thoughtful, caring and protective at most of the times. What a perfect boyfriend material! Yet he's my best friend. My one and only boy best friend.

I was distant to my male classmates for a reason I don't even know. It was like when I get in touch with every male species, I would be sick with their thoughts on women like they see a woman as an excess baggage, a burden on their shoulders, a passing fancy to them. I am sick of their stupid lines, flowery words and all, it was all those lame sugar-coated, honey-filled, and garden-like words that I would always want to throw up. I want to vomit with those stupid words coming from them. Like ughh it was so d*mn disgusting.

They could say that I am an angel when being looked upon from afar but is actually a  little demon when in front of them, specially when they got to see my infamous blank stare or worse my death glare. I would always roll my eyes on boys who keep on talking to me, do something to show that they were some kind of gems that I have to grab, or acting manly in front of me just to get my attention, and ughh its f*ckin' annoying. And because of that they would call me a man-hater, the infamous man-hater of Crimson High. But I didn't know, or maybe I have known it since then? And I just don’t mind? I don't know it's just that I hate how they got to manipulate girls around them, feed with the words of their tongue and never put it in act. Like duhh, they are all like a piece of bullsh*ts. They tend to let other one know and feel that they care and they love the latter but they actually never seem to be sincere, it was just a lie. Purely a lie. What a wonderful lying convincing son of a b*tch.

But despite of all those hates I trash on them and their kind,  Erebus was an exception.

He was the only exception of me keeping myself a distance from guys. I don't like being with guys but not with Erebus. He is my kind of peace, my very own tissue, pillow, stuff toy, my personal diary, my extra arms and shoulder, my prince, my knight in shining armour, my king in our own built kingdom in short my very own comfort zone, aside from my family and girl bestfriends.

Just like a fairytale, we have been sticking together through ups and downs and gone through it still staying strong. But it seems that not all fairytales would end up with a happily ever after, because some would  happen in just once upon a time.

I didn't know that time will come that we would part ways, find our own dose of happiness, and explore the world with someone we would choose to be with. Time will come that he would have to loosen the grip off my hands and walk through his own direction while I have to watch him off and start walking through my very own path. Yeah I definitely didn't know that this time would come but yeah here it is, it's waving on my way and had been creeping to my heart.

It happened when we graduated in high school. We parted ways and take different paths in fulfilling our dreams. We go to different universities where we could take our step in our journey. It is not easy for me to start over again, being alone and having no one to talk to aside from myself.  To start a day without him, to go the classroom without Erebus in front of the door while waiting patiently, a week without my bestfriend to spend with, a month without him, without my very own comfort place. Imagine I spent almost half of my life with him by my side.  Without him everything is plain, lifeless and dull. I don't have my stretching arms  when I fell down, no safest place when I got scared, no bestfriend when I needed moral support. I am all alone now. I missed him so much. I missed how he turn up the mood from gloomy to bright. I missed how he put a smile on my lips. I missed every silly and corny jokes he did just to make me laugh when I am sad. I missed how he make himself look like an idiot just to hear my laugh.  I missed him so d*mn much, but I have nothing else to do but miss him for we are miles apart. Maybe as time goes by, I would get used to it. I hope so.