{kagehina} he smelled like oranges

Chapter 10.

Kageyama stumbled inside. He walked into the bathroom and saw himself in the mirror for the first time since lunch. It was hard to believe that was just a few hours ago, he looked like a totally different person. He kind of reminded himself of a serial killer, his hair was a mess, his face was extremely pale, and he still had Hinata's blood all over his clothes. He knew he should change; he knew he should probably take a shower, eat something and brush his teeth, but he couldn't bring himself to do any of it. The most he did was wipe of the remnants of his makeup before he collapsed into bed, hoping to fall asleep immediately so he wouldn't have to feel like he was existing for any longer. It didn't go as he planned though, the image Hinata lying on the concrete, covered in blood wouldn't leave his mind, so he lay awake for hours, painfully aware of the fact that he was alone in his bed.

When he was finally able to force his body into slumber, it wasn't good. He slept fitfully, waking up several times during the night. Every time, he reached over to pull Hinata closer to him, and every time, all he felt was cold sheets. Eventually, he was unable to stay asleep any longer, even though he was exhausted, so he got up and checked the clock. It was five in the morning, Kageyama wasn't used to getting up so early so he didn't know what to do. He decided to do the only thing he was good at, taking out his emotions through volleyball. He peeled off his bloody clothes and changed into a T-shirt and gym shorts. He grabbed a jacket and walked to Karasuno High. It took a lot longer than normal, because usually he was racing Hinata, but he didn't see the point in running without him.

He reached the gymnasium, and pushed open the doors. No one else was inside, which Kageyama had expected. He picked up a volleyball and a water bottle and started practicing serves, he wasn't the best at serves, but normally did okay. Today however, he missed the water bottle every single time. He was so useless! He couldn't do anything for Hinata, and now he couldn't even play volleyball properly. His legs felt shaky, so he sat down and put his head on his knees. He didn't know how much time passed, but he was still in that position when Yamaguchi came into the gym.

"Kageyama?" He sounded startled.

Kageyama looked up hurriedly, and wiped the tears off his cheeks, "I'm fine. Why would you say anything otherwise?"

Yamaguchi walked over, "I didn't say you weren't fine, but I really don't think you are. Is there anything you need to talk about?" He sat down next to Kageyama and tentatively put his arm around Kageyama's shoulders. Kageyama began telling Yamaguchi what the situation was.

"So, I don't know if he's going to be okay, and it's all my fault," Kageyama finished.

"It's not your fault, you couldn't have known what was going to happen," Yamaguchi told him, "Anyway, you've talked about him for a while, what about you?"

"Me?" Kageyama asked, "Nothing happened to me, that's what I've been telling you."

"Look, I don't want to pry, but I meant how are you feeling? This must have affected you a lot, and if there's something you need to get out, I'm here to listen," Yamaguchi explained, "You probably feel like your thoughts aren't important because you weren't the one that got hit, but I'm telling you that they are. You have still been hurt, if not physically, emotionally."

"Well, I haven't been feeling great," Kageyama started. Yamaguchi motioned for him to continue, so Kageyama did, "I just feel so helpless, I was the one who was supposed to protect Hinata, but he protected me. He shouldn't have, it would be so much better if I was the one in the coma right now. I also feel very alone, which is stupid because people like you and Kuroo have been comforting me, which I appreciate, but it also makes me feel like a burden. I don't think I deserve this attention; I don't deserve anything." Kageyama stopped. Everything had just come out, he wasn't ready to say all that, and he hadn't even thought about it, he'd just talked.