{kagehina} he smelled like oranges

Chapter 15.

Over the course of the next few days, Kageyama spent most of his time at the hospital. Kuroo was there very often but he still needed to go to school and be home with Kenma sometimes. Kageyama started doing the homework that Tsukishima had brought to him, as well as drawing, writing in the journal, and watching Kenma's streams. The last one, he usually did with Kuroo, but if Kenma streamed when Kuroo wasn't at the hospital, Kageyama still watched it. Kenma streamed almost every day, which Kageyama was glad of, whenever he was feeling particularly lonely it was nice to ignore his own thoughts and watch Kenma get mad at a game. Since Kageyama was getting into a routine, his days at the hospital became more bearable.

That is, until a week passed and Hinata still hadn't woken up. Kageyama tried to keep his spirits up, but it was very difficult. They said Hinata would wake up in a few days, but that hadn't happened, did that mean he'd be like this forever? No, there must still be a chance, Kageyama prayed that was true. He didn't want to give up on Hinata.

Then, two weeks had passed and Kageyama could barely stand it. Despite Kuroo's efforts, Kageyama stopped eating as much as he should, he stopped sleeping, and his grades slipped even lower than they'd been before. He hadn't played volleyball at all since the first day Hinata had been in the coma. The journal entries he wrote became sadder and more emotional. What really got to Kageyama was that Hinata was changing too, he was losing weight from being on the feeding tubes, and he seemed paler than before. His hair wasn't as fluffy either, but something that made Kageyama's heart break, was that for the first time, he noticed that Hinata didn't smell like oranges anymore. He smelled like the hospital, like disinfectant and stale air. Kageyama wanted to cry, and his eyes stung, but he seemed to be out of tears. He needed to get out his emotions in some way but there was no way he'd actually talk to someone, so he pulled out the journal. He began writing, he knew there was a possibly that Hinata would read it but he wasn't really thinking about that. This is what he wrote:

"Hinata, it's been weeks and you still haven't woken up. I think I'm at my breaking point, I don't know if you're ever going to wake up and I need to learn how to accept that, but I also don't want to lose hope on you. You're my whole world, which is crazy since we've only known each other a few years and have been dating for even less than that, but it's true. I could leave and try to pretend I never met you, to make it easier, but I can't do that to you or myself. I know it could be worse, and at least you're still alive. I still love you just as much and I know I should be happy I can still feel your heartbeat and hold your hand, even if it doesn't hold mine back. I'm trying so hard to be grateful for those things, but it's difficult. I don't want to spend the rest of my life at a hospital, and I don't want you to either. There's still so much you want to accomplish with your life, and I know you can still do it, if you can just wake up. I know I always made fun of you for thinking you can do anything with enough willpower, but now I would give anything for you to be right. I'm not going to lie to you, because you'll probably never lay eyes on this anyway, so I'm sorry if this gets a bit depressing. I feel so conflicted, I don't know if I should assume you'll stay like this forever, or that you'll wake up any day now, and if I do think you'll stay asleep, what do I do then? Do I visit you less? Do I try to find someone else? That seems impossible, no one could replace you. It also seems wrong, because you're still here, you're still alive, and I'm still very much in love with you. Plus, you're here because you were protecting me. If I could switch places with you, I'd do it in a heartbeat. You deserve to live your life and become the greatest volleyball player of all time. You're already the greatest to me."

Kageyama had to stop writing at that point, because he'd begun to cry, and his tears were smudging the words. He set the journal down and wrapped his arms around Hinata, sobbing into his shoulder. As he did this, he thought about how Hinata smelled like the hospital again, and his sadness turned to anger. No! It wasn't fair! That one moment had no right to strip Hinata of all the fun little things that made him who he was. The car accident had already taken so much, it wasn't going to take this too. He promised himself that next time he went home, he would get the orange shampoo and bring it to the hospital to use it in place of whatever they had been using before.

That was exactly what he did, and it made him feel just a bit better, and he continued focusing on his anger at the world rather than his sadness, because that was just easier. When he got angry, he got more productive, so he was able to finish his drawing, complete his homework before school ended, and he got back into exercise. He didn't play volleyball, because he couldn't bear to do it without Hinata, but he began going for runs. He still refused to cross the street so he usually ran in circles around the hospital. It was a good way to get all his energy out, and Kuroo liked to go with him when he was there. Kageyama also read to Hinata every day. He liked to read fairytales and immerse himself in the story, doing different voices and personalities for the characters. He always made sure to do it when he was alone with Hinata though, because he didn't want anyone to see him doing it. The one problem with them was that after finishing story after story with a perfect happy ending, it was terrible to be wrenched back into the real world, which wasn't perfect or happy at all.

He was reading one of the stories one day, and had just gotten to the climax where the prince was fighting when he thought he saw Hinata's eyes open. He looked again and they weren't, Kageyama felt slightly disappointed, but unsurprised, and continued reading.

"Kageyama?"