At The End, It's You. (Slow Updates)

TWO

At The End, It's You.

"Did you try doing what she told you to do? What did she ask of you?"

She wanted so badly to be able to explain. But her soul was tied up in knots.

They both sat in silence, her face scrunching up and her brow furrowing before she finally found a few words to try and determine what she felt.

"She kept telling me to let it all go and see what stays...but I don't think it particularly worked...I mean, I tried that last time and now look where I am?" she said, a bitter laugh echoing off the walls.

"I think you should remind yourself that for us as human beings, it is both a curse and a blessing to feel everything so very deeply"

"Hmm, I suppose so, if it's the truth, then I hope to one day fall in love with being alive..."

Erin's POV:

Jules was dead.

When I heard the news, I dropped the glass that was in my hand to the floor, letting it shatter.

I don't remember what I thought as I looked at Cody and Toby who were sobbing, but I remember how I felt.

Half Alive.

That's how I feel now too.

Blank.

Numb.

Nothing.

I hated this feeling more than anything. I hated sitting in my room looking out the window in my room as the rain pummelled against the glass.

Why is it the worst kind of sad is the one that you can't explain? Even to yourself?

I suppose that's what happens when you feel too much. Your body can't handle it so it stops, and then you feel nothing.

But it meant I could function easier, so I pretended...I pretended like everything was okay, because what good would it do to say it wasn't?

~*6 Weeks After Julian's Funeral*~

I sat at the kitchen table, moving my straw around in my glass until I heard the door open and shut close before Toby's now deep voice shouted from the hall.

Toby: "I'm home!"

Erin: "I'm in the kitchen" I said as I hopped off the kitchen seat and started getting frozen food out to cook, turning the oven on in an attempt to distract myself before I heard the door go again and another voice engage in a very rapid fire conversation with Toby before I heard both pair of footsteps come into the kitchen.

Toby: "Uh Erin"

Erin: "Cody and you can sit down, I'm just making food" I replied, still facing away from them, a blank expression on my face. I knew why she was here. But I didn't want to talk about it.

Cody: "Are you alright?" She asked me as she placed her hand on my shoulder which I quickly removed before faking a smile and nodding, I knew she didn't buy it, and neither did I, but it was nice to pretend...at least for a little while.