once upon a time there was a hyper disney fangirl who called her friend, only to end up talking to a cynical world famous singer named lewis instead. rankings: short story 1 humor 1
❝good evening, welcome to subway. how may i help you?❞ ❝will you marry me?❞ ❝what?❞ ❝i've found your lost nike and i think you're my princess. i'm gonna marry you only.❞ Little did Melissa know that a red Nike could ruin everything. © 2018 Lizzy
"Aloo--" "I'm hungry." "Problem solved! We deliver donuts, where do you want that?" "I don't. I'm craving McNuggets." "..." "And you." #14 in Dialogue (13 July, 2018) #68 IN SHORT STORY - 30/4/2017
❝Can you be the grease to my bacon?❞ ❝I found that equally touching and disturbing that I don't know which side to buy.❞ ❝Well... the touching side is better.❞ - warning: this story may create wrinkles due to excessive cringing. read at your own risk. prequel to In Another Call cover by @fartette
"Quick Clean Laundry! When it's dirty we make it clean, this is Melissa speaking." "uh...." "Hello?.." "I asked a cute girl her number and this is what she gave me" #3 in Short Story [8/1/16] Book One From Texts and Calls Series © Copyrights Reserved
"I may work here, but that doesn't mean I drink coffee." "Why?" "Well, why dont you like cats?" "I'm allergic to cats." "Then, let's just say I'm allergic to coffee." #5 in Short Story [7/15/16] Book Three From Texts and Calls Series © Copyrights Reserved
"Aurel?" "I told you I'm not a girl" "Well, since I haven't seen you, your sexuality is not confirmed" "You want me to send you a pic of my penis?" "tempting but no" #1 in short story [7/22/16] Book Two From Texts and Calls Series © Copyrights Reserved This book was edited by @LunaValdez24
❝Hello there, this is Teen Confessions Helpline, what's the problem? Feel free to confess anything you like and we'll be there to help you every step of the way!❞ ❝I know this is heavy but I've been feeling like I kind of...want to kill myself.❞ When Damien Carson, a depressed lonely teenager, call...
❝Roses have thorns, my dear, but so do you. ❞ In which Jan falls into an existential crisis, and Pete is there for her, if only in the form of words on her screen.
❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer review...
"You've reached Westerden Ski Lodge, how may I be of assistance?" "Hey, can I rent some snow boots and skis? Maybe even a girlfriend, if you've got any in stock." "Awesome, do you want to order a life along with that? The gift wrapping's free of charge." "I'll take what I can get." ...
❝Hello, this is the Starb-❞ ❝HEEELP ME!! PLEASE! THERE'S A MURDERER IN MY HOUSE!❞ ❝OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS STARBUCKS, NOT FREAKING 911. WAIT, HOLD ON. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE, I'LL CALL 911!! STAY CALM. IT'S GOING TO BE O- ❞ ❝Wait...did you just say Starbucks?❞ ❝Um...yeah?❞ ❝They have a hotlin...
"Hello?" "Um, hey?" "Wait, you don't sound like my Aunt Kathy." "Unless I was miraculously converted into a member of the opposite gender and somehow related to whoever is on the other side of this call, then yeah. I'm not your Aunt Kathy." "Oh, shiitake mushrooms." ...
In which an optimistic girl tries to fix a broken boy. But a helpline can only do so much. ████████████████ Written in dialogue form. Also written when I was like 15 so please don't come for me :') Not a prequel to "Parent Helpline". © @MiaNightlock. Cover(s) made by @grayscns, @DannieBlack_LCB, and myself.
"This is Westerden Optometrist. What are your symptoms?" "For starters, my eyesight has been super blurry and distorted, and this problem is starting to screw up seventeen-year-old life. Speaking of which, you sound kind of young for an optometrist. How old are you?" "Um, I don't think it'd be the greatest idea for th...
❝Hello, this is target. My name is Benjamin. How may I help you today?❞ ❝So, lets metaphorically say that I purchased a toilet from you guys and when I took it home, it broke. Would I be able to get a free toilet since mine broke?❞ ❝Ma'am, we don't sell toilets.❞ ❝Look, I don't mean to be racist or...
[sequel to teen helpline] ❝Hello, this is the Breakup Helpline, designed and manufactured to cater to your brokenhearted needs. How may I help you?❞ ❝My girlfriend...just cheated on me. With my best friend.❞ ❝Um..uh, hold on...oh, fuck! There's nothing on how to respond to that in these answer sheets!❞ ...
❝HELP HELP HELLLP!❞ ❝Hello, this is the Fine Apple market, and no, we are not an Apple knockoff store; how may I help you?❞ ❝Well, someone just stole my phone.❞ ❝Sorry, what?❞ ❝You asked how you could help me.❞ ❝...Oh.❞ ◽︎◾︎◽︎ in which a jittery workaholic who realizes she needs help and an antisocial beach bum who do...