Hope For Better

12. Her Best Interest

Hermione had had enough. Three days had passed since the headmaster, and professor McGonnagal had visited. She woke shortly after they left and Severus explained that they had been discussing war plans. He had been acting very strange since then, waiting on her hand and foot, but wouldnt look her in the eye. She'd barely been able to sit up without him insisting on helping her. 

She felt fine, well as fine as she could be considering, for two day, but still, she couldn't shake him. He wouldn't let her do anything for herself, and like i said, shed had enough.

“Severus i'm no child, if you're going to insist on doing everything for me, you could stop avoiding me.” She desperately wanted him to talk to her again, and she knew that he knew it. He could hear her thoughts for Merlin's sake.

“I'm sure I have no idea what youre talking about.” He stated coldly as he stirred the girls tea and flipped the page on her book.

She couldn't take it any longer. She shoved the tea back towards her and threw the book across the room. His eyes were wide as she stood up and marched towards the bathroom. She turned the shower on and sat down on the floo hiding her head in her knees. 

She watched as he sat down in the doorway like he usually did. Showering, the one thing he'd let her do by herself.

She didn't realize she was crying at first, but when she did she couldn't hold back. Her sobs echoed into his ears and it took everything he had not to turn around to comfort her. His comfort would only make her grow attached to him and that certainly would not be in her best interest. He couldn't do it anyways. He thought she was in the shower, not on the floor fully dressed.

She calmed herself and stood. She undressed and wet her hair before wrapping herself in a towel. She was too beat down to enjoy an actual shower. She didn't bother to get dressed before walking out passed him and plopping herself down on her cot. He would leave her be if she was undressed. Or maybe he would scold her, at least that way he'd actually talk to her.

Severus could hear her inner pleas for him. She wanted him to talk to her, maybe even hold her. She wanted things to go back to how they were before he left, when their biggest problem was her explicit thoughts. He wanted that too. More than anything, he wanted them to share the same bond they had been developing until three days ago… But he was certain that would not be in her best interest. 

He sat on his bed waiting for her to need anything. He couldn't do what she wanted him to do, but he'd do anything and everything else for her, even if just to prove that he cared. He knew he was getting on her nerves, but he had to do something or he'd break. 

His head was all over the place. Trying to decide what would be good for her and what wouldn't be. Would she hate him if he disappeared, just stayed out of sight but close enough to keep her strong. Were these feelings they were developing just a side effect of the curse? Did that even matter. 

His guilt overpowered his admiration for the girl… His guilt was partially because of his admiration for her. He wanted to wallow in self pity. He wanted to hate himself… end himself. But how could he when even though she was annoyed and utterly pissed at him, her thoughts towards him shined a light on just how much she thought of him.

Through her mind, he saw a smart man with gentle hands, she hoped they weren't always gentle, and a kind heart. She had so much trust in him, even with his hand around her throat. If any other man had her in that position she would have shook with fear. Through her eyes, his rigid features were handsome, and his harsh tone was soothing.  He felt what she felt, and she felt joy. Everytime he looked at her. Everytime he cracked a rare smile. Everything about him set her mind and her body and her heart on fire, and she didn't know what it was. But he did and he just realized… She was in love with him.

That is certainly not in her best interest.