A long time ago, I made a book called Diary of an Autistic, but Dad was dying when I made it, so I don't touch that as often because it hurts. This book was just created for random stuff that doesn't fit in anything else I've written. It's 3:14 AM a...
So I'm mostly back and my save from the previous chapter corrupted, so those previews are outdated. And I'm mostly taking time off to write Tales from The Ocean Family and work on getting a job, so replies will be little to none. I will respond when I can, however. I have this new friend that's being bullied and I kind of had an incident in standing up to one of the bullies.
The bullies had some beef with my friend and the bullying had gotten to the point of harassment, and this friend has a lot of disabilities and mental health issues, and I got very angry and tried to stand up to the bullies, but because I was typing in anger, I ended up threatening the bullies on accident instead. One of the bullies claimed they tried to kill themselves because of my threat and sent this friend an email, however, the email said nothing about that and I only have the word of my friend, so I assume they posted it on social media. To be honest, I felt terrible. They could have just been saying that to manipulate me, as bullies tend to do that, but they could have done it for real, and I never wanted them to die. I just wanted them to stop bullying my friend as it got to the point of harassment, and I'm terribly sorry for saying things that potentially made someone attempt their life, I spent weeks beating myself up over it, feeling that I deserved to die as someone who's been there that potentially made someone go there.
However, I talked to my Mom about it and she thinks that the friend that told me this isn't toxic, but also isn't being completely honest with me because I only have their word on this situation. I don't think this friend is a bad person or that they're doing this on purpose, I think it might have something to do with their mental health issues, like, they're not being completely honest because they're scared I'll leave or not like them for them and nothing else and are trying to seem 'cooler' and such, so I can give them a pass. I also do not wish to give up on this friend, but I won't be getting involved with the bullies anymore because I want to avoid the previous situation. To be honest, I still feel guilty that I could have made someone feel that way, and I still feel like I deserve to die for doing so, but I've talked it over with my parents, some of my friends on here, and I think I spoke about it to my therapist, if not, I will, and I feel better than I did before.
To be honest, with Dad's death, my bad experience with my mean teachers in school, and this combined, I'll probably never truly be okay and fully recover from my depression, it's become easier to deal with the pain, sure, but I can barely even celebrate Christmas anymore because it was my Dad's favorite holiday, I just buy the presents for my loved ones and move on, barely come out of my room even when relatives visit in the driveway or video chat/call, get frequent anxiety attacks, and just altogether don't enjoy winter and Christmas, to the point where I've come to resent it because of all the painful memories. Call me a Scrooge if you want to, but at least I'm not a greedy, corrupt banker. I still participate and put up with the big fake smiles and stupid lies and terrible Christmas songs, but I don't like it because unlike Scrooge, I'm a daughter that lost her father around the holidays, his favorite time of the year, so it's hard to enjoy the holidays knowing this was the favorite time of the year of the father I lost forever. I'll donate to charity (but not the homophobic salvation army, pansexual here, hello) and go to your dinner party, but don't expect me to be happy and don't force me to.
Honestly, I can feel much of my family staring at me, like: "When are you going to be happy? Get over it, move on. Forget about your Dad!" and I'm just like: "Fuck off and fuck you! He wasn't just my Dad, he was my best friend, you don't just get over the death of a father AND a best friend! If you lost someone that you loved as much as I loved my Dad, I doubt you'd be telling me to 'move on' so don't act like you understand how I feel. No one could understand how much he meant to me, or how big this loss was!"
Anyways, I got off topic. Again, I'm terribly sorry for possibly causing someone this much grief. I was just trying to do the right thing and stand up to a group of bullies, but then it went terribly wrong because I typed while angry. I guess that'll teach me to try and do the right thing when I'm a raging inferno of anger, huh? Bullying is never okay, no matter how justified you think you are, and these bullies think they are justified in picking on my friend, but I'm still sorry to have potentially made one of them feel suicidal. I wanted them to stop harassing my friend, not die. No one deserves to die (except me), and while I don't want to give up on this friend, I am grieved that they feel the need to not be completely honest with me, no matter the reason. I don't appreciate being lied to, but I don't think they're doing this on purpose, and I don't want to give up on them, and I don't want them to feel like they have to lie to me for any reason.
Also, this isn't part of the story, but I had an elder Bilbo befriend Thorin while he was still somewhat young (neither of these are my sims) because I needed them to be at least good friends before I killed him off with the 'go to war' mod by Kuttoe because of the custom death by combat that comes with it if your sims die in the war, and they shared a hug, this is a hug from get famous that can be enabled for all sims and not just those in the actor career via LittleMsSam's Random Small Mods, and shortly after, for all you Bagginshield shippers out there, Bilbo kissed Thorin on the neck because via Eco Lifestyle, the Free Love neighborhood plan was enabled, and they gained some romance between each other, no romance bar was created, but they seem to have an unspoken attraction to each other, perhaps Bilbo is bisexual and Thorin was his bi-wakening.
Also, in my story, which this is a part of, so pay attention, Kíli lives because a younger Gimli found him and nursed him back to health and Thranduil lifted Tauriel's banishment because he was touched by the love she shared with Kíli and believed Kíli to be dead, but Tauriel ran away anyways, knowing that she wouldn't be welcomed back even if Thranduil and Legolas accepted her because she knew the rest of the elves wouldn't, she found Kíli alive and well, and became overjoyed, and Kíli knew he wouldn't be accepted among his kin either, so he and Tauriel eloped and ran away together, and are currently in hiding, but very happy together.
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Matthias and Marina from The Little Mermaid by Toei Animations, Matthias was attracted to her and she led him on, but she was using him so she could be good for the prince she fell in love with, and broke Matthias's heart.
These are from the current save, hopefully, it won't corrupt this time. I thought these pictures might lighten the mood after this somewhat dark and gloomy chapter, well, the pictures are also of tragic moments, so I guess not, but hey, at least they're pretty. I wish I could live in the worlds depicted in the sims, especially Sulani or Windenburg.
