In the Belly of a Whale ~ ldh

The Name of this Book is Secret

"Yes, this is a story about a secret. But it's also a secret story."
~ Pseudonymous Bosch, The Name of this Book is Secret

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I met Byeolha and Aejin for coffee the day after Yechan's confession and filled them in on everything that had occurred the night before. Of course, the kiss was the most pressing matter. Byeolha also wanted to know just how riled up Gangwoo had gotten.

"He's so sexy when he's protecting someone." A direct quote from one of my best friends.

"If he's sexy then so is my armpit hair." My other best friend.

I love them so much.

The rest of the break went by quickly. Yechan and I went on dates to the movies and walks along the Han River, and we also went on a couple of double dates with Aejin and Seungin. It was the most peaceful I had ever felt.

That feeling didn't linger for long.

The first semester was soon upon us, and I was reminded once again of who Yechan was when he stepped into the role of class president.

Reserved.

Headstrong.

Capricious.

The first one was understandable. I knew it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. I just couldn't understand why we had to keep our relationship a secret. The only people at school who knew were my friends and the class vice president, Na Jaemin. Jaemin and Yechan had known each other for a long time, so apparently it was okay for him to know but no one else. It made me feel like his dirty little secret. What had I done wrong to warrant sneaking around? My friends assured me that Yechan was just stressed out because of his multitude of responsibilities. I'm not quite sure how that was supposed to make me feel better. Was I supposed to try to reduce his stress? How? He didn't want me hanging around him at school in case people got suspicious.

"Are you ashamed of me?" I was sitting on his desk in the student council office. We had been in the middle of a heated make-out session when Jung Sungchan walked in. Luckily, he was too focused on his phone to notice the two of us putting as much distance between us as quickly as possible.

"Don't be ridiculous." Yechan's gaze snapped up to meet mine. He sounded sad.

"Why does it have to be a secret, then?"

"It's nobody's business who I fuck," he snarled. My cheeks burned as I looked down at my hands. I thought about what to say next for a while.

"Tell me you love me, Yechan."

"What?"

"Tell me you love me," I whispered, "and everything will be okay."

"I love you." He pulled me down into his lap. I shut my eyes tight as his lips attempted to convince my heart he knew how to make it sing.

It was around this time that Lee Donghyuck entered the situation. Also a friend of Jaemin's, Donghyuck was nothing like the straight-A members of the student council. Naturally gregarious, easy-going, and prone to mischief, he held little resemblance to my boyfriend. He was assigned the seat behind me in maths and teased me to no end. When I asked Mrs Ahn if I could switch seats, she told me it would be better if she left things the way they were because Donghyuck would pick on anyone she put in that spot and she knew I could handle it better than some of the others.

Right.

When I complained to Yechan about Donghyuck, he told me to be more mature. I was mortified. There's little you can do when your words continue to fall on deaf ears, so I kept my mouth shut on the subject after that. Not only did Donghyuck sit behind me in maths, but he was also in my history class. Luckily, he sat on the other side of the room. He had also begun to follow me around in the halls when I was alone. It crossed my mind more than once to bring it up to Byeolha and the others, but I was worried they would react the same way Yechan had. I barely managed to make it through midterms without having a nervous breakdown.

One afternoon, Yechan and I were at a café a few blocks from my apartment building. We were seated by the front window, and I was watching the rain fall outside as Yechan went over something for the student council.

"I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. Seungin has a game," I commented.

"It's supposed to rain all week."

"Oh, that's to bad. Do you want to go to the game with me?" I tried to keep the hope from my voice.

"I just told you it's supposed to rain." The look he gave me was ice-cold, and I immediately averted my gaze.

"Right." We fell back into silence as I sipped my Americano and Yechan worked diligently on a task he easily could have delegated to someone else.

Between Yechan growing ever colder, Donghyuck's lingering presence, and news that my grandma's cancer had returned more aggressive than ever, I was at my wit's end. Somehow, I even managed to let Donghyuck convince me to study for maths with him one weekend.

"Earth to Jiwoo." He waved a hand in front of my face. "What are you thinking about?" My gaze snapped up to meet his.

"Nothing." I brushed my hair behind my ear, looking down at the practice exam sitting between us. "Sorry, what were we talking about?" Donghyuck scoffed. "What?"

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"I'm not," I defended. He twisted around in his chair to reach into his bag. He produced two bottles of juice.

"Here. Drink this." He passed me one after cracking the lid open for me.

"Thanks." I took a sip.

"You're welcome. Also," he smirked, "for the record, you're literally the stubbornest person I know." I rolled my eyes.

"It's most stubborn, not stubbornest." That's when I got a text from my eldest brother, Yoonwoo.

윤우오빠: Hi Jiwoo.

나: hihi oppa~ have you eaten?

It was mid-afternoon in South Korea, so it would have been early morning in the US. He had probably just woken up.

윤우오빠: Yes. How is Grandma?

I must admit, I hesitated when I read his text. Yoonwoo had always been especially close to our grandma. She'd always babied him because he was different.

나: I went for a walk with her this morning. I'm sure it'd make her super happy if you called!

"Who are you texting?" Donghyuck leaned over to get a peek at my phone and I held it out of view. "Boyfriend?" I glared at him, ignoring the heat in my cheeks.

"Don't be stupid. It's my brother."

"You have a brother?

"I have two brothers," I informed him just as Yoonwoo replied.

윤우오빠: I will call her after my classes finish.

나: okay, have a good day ^^

"Where are they?" Donghyuck suddenly seemed very interested in my family life. I set my phone down on the table.

"Gangwoo is at baseball practise right now. Yoonwoo is studying in the US." When I looked up at him next, I noticed something strange in his expression. Something I didn't like one bit. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I think that's the first time you've shared something personal with me," he teased. For a moment, we both stared at each other. Then, Donghyuck took a sip of his juice and I scoffed.

"You really know how to piss me off, Lee Donghyuck."

"I told you. Call me Hyuck," he winked.