In the Belly of a Whale ~ ldh

Love and the Silver Lining

"And the real question looms over me like a phantom waiting to attack. Can I love him any other way?"

~ Tammy L. Gray, Love and the Silver Lining

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About halfway through summer break, Yechan's birthday arrived. I decided to surprise him by going over to his house. I took an ice-cold shower and put on a pretty red dress. I applied some lip tint and mascara and a bit of my mom's perfume. When I left my bedroom, Gangwoo was sitting on the sofa watching TV while eating mulhui and oimuchim.

"Where are you going looking like that?" He paused with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth.

"Out." Arms akimbo, I gave him an adamant look. "Don't you have plans?"

"I'm meeting Mina's parents tonight." He shuddered.

"I thought you two were fighting."

"She got tired of being angry." He winked and I rolled my eyes as I went to go put my shoes on. "Are you going on a date? Is it that Donghyun guy?"

"His name is Donghyuck, and no." My back was turned to the living room but I heard Gangwoo stand up from the sofa.

"Yechan?" When I didn't respond, he cursed beneath his breath. I ignored him. "It's him, isn't it?"

"You know, you sound like a jealous boyfriend right now." I slid my phone into a pocket in my dress. "It's not very flattering."

"I'm not a jealous boyfriend, I'm a concerned brother. Why don't you get that?" Gangwoo was standing directly behind me now.

"Oppa." I spun around. "Do you love Mina eonni?" The miserable look was stricken from his face and replaced with shock.

"What?"

"You heard me." I shouldered past him towards the door. "Obviously, you don't. So, stop judging my relationship and mind your own business." I looked back at him briefly. "Enjoy your night with Mina eonni and her parents."

I stood outside the Im's apartment for at least five minutes before I worked up the courage to knock. The nervous energy radiating off me was palpable to anyone passing by. I held my breath as my hand fell to my side and I waited for the door to open. When it finally did, Mr Im was the one on the other side. He cast a judgmental gaze over me.

"Baek... Jiwoo?" He lured my name out from somewhere deep within his murky memories. When I nodded, he looked back into the apartment. "Yechan! There's someone here for you!" He gave me one last appraising look. "Just a moment." He vanished inside and my heart rate increased astronomically. I was standing with my hands behind my back, where I was concealing a gift bag. As I was beginning to contemplate just leaving his present and making my disappearance, Yechan appeared in the doorway.

"Jiwoo?" His gaze met mine and my breath caught in my throat. He was so handsome; he was wearing a purple sweater that looked incredibly soft and his hair was still damp from a recent shower. "What are you doing here?" I suddenly realised I was staring.

"H-happy birthday!" I shoved the bag into his hands.

"Oh. I didn't want anything." He stared down at the bag for a moment. "But thanks."

My face must have been as red as hongsam as I stood there trying to disappear behind my hands. "Oh, God." My obvious despair elicited a chuckled out of him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

"Do you want to come in? I actually wanted to talk to you." Yechan moved aside and I nodded, quickly stepping inside so he could shut the door. "My dad's off today, so we can hang out in my room." I removed my shoes and Yechan set out a pair of slippers for me to borrow. He led me through the apartment to his bedroom and we sat on his bed. He set the bag down at his feet.

"How's your dad?"

"He's okay, I think. He works a lot. My grandparents keep asking us to come and visit them and I think he's getting close to giving in." Yechan's grandparents lived in Gyeongsangbuk-do.

"You should go. It would really encourage them," I urged. "My grandma just got discharged from the hospital yesterday. She's doing better."

"That's good." He was picking at a hangnail on his thumb. I scolded him in my head.

"Are you going to open your gift?" I asked softly. He looked down at the bag. "It's nothing special." He picked it up and removed the tissue paper, pulling out his present. Nestled in a little porcelain pot was a small cactus with a yellow flower blooming from it. He let the bag fall to the ground as he held the plant up. The air was tense. I desperately wanted him to look at me, but I was also terrified of what I would see in his eyes.

"Jiwoo."

"Yes?"

"Do you remember when you said that if I told you I love you, everything would be okay?" He sounded so cold. I was suddenly overcome by the devastating desire to flee from his presence. I forgot why I'd come in the first place. My fingers sought the heart-shaped pendant hanging from my neck. "I don't love you."

"Oh." The tears reached my words before they reached my eyes. "I see." My hand closed around the pendant. "Have I done something wrong?" Yechan shook his head. "Is there someone else?" My voice broke and he grimaced.

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it like?" Without knowing it, I had slid from the edge of the bed to kneel at his feet. "Please, Yechan. Just tell me what to do. I promise I can be better."

"Jiwoo." He still wouldn't look at me.

"Please." I was crying, my shoulders trembling with suppressed sobs. Yechan sighed as he leaned down to wipe the tears from my face.

"Okay. Don't cry," he murmured and a whimper slipped past my lips.