In the Belly of a Whale ~ ldh

Flipped

"It's easy to look back and see it, and it's easy to give the advice. But the sad fact is, most people don't look beneath the surface until it's too late."

~ Wendelin Van Draanen, Flipped

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"So, let me get this straight. Im Yechan and Baek Jiwoo are dating in relative secrecy because Yechan is a neurotic freak. Park Ruri is head-over-heels for Im Yechan. Lee Donghyuck has a crush on Baek Jiwoo-"

"We don't know that!"

"Yes, we do, cutie. Again, Hyuckie has a crush on Jiwoo, and Jiwoo is the love of my life." Jaemin batted his eyelashes at me. We were sitting on a bench in the courtyard just off the library.

"It's not funny, Nana." I pouted as I opened my lunch box.

"I agree. Love is a very serious matter," he assured me around a mouthful of rolled omelette. I couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up from inside me. "Jiwoo."

"Mmm-hmm?" I wasn't looking at him then. I wish I had been, so that I could have seen the look on his face when he asked me what he did next.

"Why are you dating Yechan if he makes you so sad?" My first instinct was to shush him. There were people within earshot, and he wasn't exactly whispering. My second instinct was to refute him; to tell him that Yechan didn't make me sad. Then, I realised I couldn't look him in the eye and say that.

"You don't understand." I was staring down at the moss in between the paving stones.

"Then explain it to me, Jiwoo." Jaemin covered my hand with one of his own. "I want to understand. I want to support you." I couldn't look at him. I felt sick.

"You didn't see him when he first confessed. He... there was so much hope in his eyes. Sometimes, I wonder what he was hoping for; if it actually had anything to do with me." It felt as though my heart was going to burst in my throat. "I want to be his hope, Nana." There were tears burning in my eyes.

"You deserve more than that, Jiwoo." He intertwined our fingers and brought our hands up to his face so that he could press a kiss against the back of mine. "You deserve the world."

"So do you." I turned to him then. We were both crying. At the time, I thought his tears were for me. I'm not so sure about that now.

Summer break arrived with a scorching heatwave. On the last day of school, Yechan, Byeolha, Aejin, Seungin, and I stopped by a convenience store to buy ice cream before we parted ways.

"This is the taste of freedom!" Seungin held his ice cream high and Aejin giggled. "No more exams! Time to go on dates with my Jinnie!" He threw an arm around her shoulders, taking a big bite of his frozen treat.

"Ah, how lucky." There were traces of longing in Byeolha's smile. "My new year's wish was that I'd get a boyfriend. It still hasn't happened."

"What about Ko Sungho? He totally has a thing for you," Aejin suggested but Byeolha shook her head.

"He's too quiet. Plus, all he cares about is grades."

"You need someone who will help you study," Yechan pointed out and everyone but Byeolha laughed when she blushed. My phone began to ring and I checked who it was; Yoonwoo was calling me.

"Hi, oppa." I finished off my ice cream and tossed the wrapper in the bin.

"Are you finished school?"

"Yeah, I'm with my friends." I made eye contact with Byeolha and she mouthed 'who is it?' so I mouthed his name back.

"I just got home from the airport. Gangwoo picked me up." I could hear Gangwoo's loud voice in the background. "Come home soon."

"Okay. I'm glad you got back safely." I had just finished my sentence when Yoonwoo hung up. I turned to the others. "I need to go. Yoonwoo oppa just got back."

"Oh, really?" Byeolha paused halfway through applying a fresh layer of lip tint.

"Say hi for us." Aejin smacked Seungin's hand away when he reached for another ice cream.

When I got home, my mom was still at work. My grandma had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks, so it was just my brothers and me.

"I'm home!" I traded out my shoes for my slippers and made my way into the living room. "Oppa?" I poked my head into the kitchen. Gangwoo was standing at the stove making ramyeon.

"Oh, hey Jiwoo." He nodded in my direction.

"Where's Yoonwoo oppa?"

"Getting changed. He wants to go visit Grandma." We shared a weary look. Once Yoonwoo went to the hospital, it would be difficult to convince him to leave.

"He just got back. Shouldn't he rest?" I crossed the kitchen and motioned for Gangwoo to lower his head.

"That's what I said," he agreed as I carded my fingers through his messy hair.

"Okay. I'll go with him."

"Don't you have homework?"

"Today's the first day of summer break, I have plenty of time." I grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge. "You didn't eat lunch?"

"No, I was busy. Are you going to change out of your uniform?"

"Should I?" I looked down at myself. "I'm tired. Can I have some of the ramyeon?" Gangwoo nodded just as Yoonwoo made his appearance. "Hi, oppa. Aejin and the others say hi, too." He ignored me, running a hand through his hair. It was longer than the last time I'd seen him; he hated when his hair touched his ears.

"Do you want me to give you a hair cut tomorrow?" I offered and he nodded absently. "How was your flight?"

"Loud." Head bowed, he walked across the kitchen towards the sink. He got a glass down and poured himself some water. "I want to see Grandma."

"I know, hyung. We'll go see Grandma once I've finished eating." Gangwoo switched the stove off.

"Promise?"

"Promise."