In the Belly of a Whale ~ ldh

Black Heart

"I wonder if she's done her homework for Monday. I wonder if she could ever love me again. I wonder just how mad she'd be if she knew I was here, watching her."~ Holly Black, Black Heart

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The day before school got back in, I called Jaemin at two in the morning.

"Hello?"

"Nana." I could barely get the nickname out around the knot of anxiety that had made itself at home in my throat.

"Oh, cutie, it's you." I heard him shuffling around. "Is everything okay?"

"Nana, Yechan broke up with me."

"What?" He was wide awake now. "Just now? It's the middle of the night!"

"No, no. It was a week ago."

"Oh, okay. Wait, I can't believe it took you this long to call me!"

"I'm surprised Yechan didn't tell you." The disquiet in my heart was being swept away by the sound of Jaemin's voice.

"Exactly! I thought you two were my friends," he pouted. The call was silent for a moment and I could tell he was thinking. "You're worried about going back to school tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah." The thought of facing Yechan and Hyuck made me sick to my stomach.

Jaemin let out a soft sigh. "Don't worry so much, Jiwoo. You've got me, haven't you?" That put a smile on my face.

"Thanks, Nana." I was about to hang up when I heard what sounded like him flipping back a blanket.

"Do you want to meet up, cutie?"

"Right now?" My eyes landed on the clock. 02:07.

"Why not?" Why not, indeed.

> > > < < <

Jaemin was sitting outside the convenience store when I got there. He was wearing his pyjamas with slides. I had opted to change into something more presentable. He waved when he saw me coming.

"Hiya cutie~ long time no see." He leaned forward, planting his elbows on the table. "Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder." I rolled my eyes as I dropped into the chair across from him.

"You're such a flirt. Can't we sit inside? It's hot."

"Sure. Are you hungry? I'll buy you something." We went inside and Jaemin bought two cans of coffee and a pack of spicy chicken dumplings for us to share. As the dumplings were heating up in the convenience store microwave, Jaemin opened one of the cans and passed it to me.

"Thanks."

"So, tell me what happened." He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "How did he break up with you?" I set the coffee down on the counter.

"On his birthday, he told me he didn't love me but I asked him to give me another chance. A few days later, we were at karaoke and he said he'd had enough." The last few words came out as a whisper.

"Shit. He really can be an asshole sometimes."

"Tell me about it." The microwave went off and Jaemin took the dumplings out.

"C'mon, let's go sit down." He led me over to a table and I took a seat. I opened up a package of disposable chopsticks and hunched forward, my hair falling in my face as I picked up a dumpling. "Jiwoo."

"Mmm-hmm?"

"Maybe... this is a good thing." His words were accompanied by a snap as he separated his chopsticks. I shoved another dumpling into my mouth. "I understand that Yechan is your first love, but I've also seen just how sad he makes you." Jaemin reached across the table to cover my hand with his. "This will give you a chance to grow." I lifted my head, and when my gaze met his, I knew he was right.

"Oh, Nana." I smiled miserably. "I wish I could see the world the way you do."

When I got home, my mom was sitting in the living room with a lamp on. My eyes immediately went to the clock on the wall. 03:48.

"Where were you?" She set her book down.

"I was meeting a friend." I wondered how long she had been waiting for me.

"Who?"

"You don't know them."

"Is it a boy?" My mom sounded exhausted. She had gotten home late the night before, and she was supposed to be working the morning shift that day. "Is it Yechan?"

"No." I crossed the living room and took one of her hands between mine. "Don't worry about it, Mom. I'm fine. You should get some sleep." She sighed, running her free hand over her face.

"I swear to God, you're worse than Gangwoo sometimes." That made me giggle, and she cracked a small smile. "I love you, Jiwoo."

"I love you, too, Mom."

"You know you can talk to me, right? Things may have changed since your dad passed, but I'm always here if you need me." She squeezed my hand.

"I know. I'm here for you, too. Always." For a moment, I considered telling her all about my boy drama. I remembered being twelve and blushing when her and my grandma teased me about having a crush on Gangwoo's friend; when I was fourteen and she pointed out the boys in my class photo she thought were cute. I didn't say anything more, though, because those days were gone. When my dad died, he had taken with him my ability to indulge in those sweet moments. We all had more important things to worry about.