My Missing Piece (Theory of Love) (KhaiThird/OffGun)

Chapter 21-Separate but Together

    "Can I stay with you tonight?"

    "You don't have to ask."

    Third was quiet the entire ride to Khai's place. Third was starting to question himself if it was a good idea to ask Khai if he could stay over as guilt slowly started to creep in his not so quiet mind. Third tried to push down this nonsensical feeling that always tried to crawl its way back until it overtook his thoughts. If anything, Third should feel relieved now, shouldn't he? His best friend came back in his life and he didn't blame Third. On the contrary, Kao missed Third and felt bad himself for leaving him alone though it was against his will. It was as if it was fate meeting Kao again in such a desperate moment though Third never thought he believed in fate until now. So why did Third still feel guilty? Shouldn't he stop blaming himself as well? Shouldn't Third be able to come to the realization that he did not commit a sin? Third should be over the moon right now as it became clear that he didn't need to feel guilty for letting Khai - someone good- come into his life. Third knew this is how he should feel and it frustrated himself more that he didn't feel like this. All he could feel was the anxiety heavy on his chest. No matter what anyone told him, Third would never be able to believe their words until he fully trusted himself. "There you go with that loud mind again" Khai joked softly as he sat next to Third on the couch.

    "How was your shower?"

    "It was nice" Khai said as he brought a hand up to pet the side of Third's head softly. Third's hair was still slightly damp from when he showered moments before Khai. He smelled like Khai's shampoo and he was wearing Khai's clothes, yet it felt so different on Third rather than himself.

    "That's good..."

    "Do you want to talk about anything?" Khai offered as he watched Third's gaze fall downwards.

    Third shook his head at first, body moving to cuddle into Khai's arms. He didn't want to talk about anything but his mind wanted him to. Third found himself speaking. "After hearing about everything...do you think of me as a monster?" Third didn't even know himself that he was going to ask that. What Khai had said that night made it pretty clear that he did not think of Third as anything near a monster, yet Third's mind was still desperate for assurance.

    "Of course I don't" Khai said softly, "You didn't do anything wrong. Everything that happened with Kao wasn't your fault."

    "Yes it was. I couldn't protect him Khai" Third's voice was frustrated but not at Khai, it was aimed towards himself, "If you don't see me as a monster, it's because you don't understand."

    "The problem is that no one was there to protect either of you at school. The problem is that the group bullied in the first place. I would never see you as a monster for going through something like that."

    Third let out a shaky sigh as he felt Khai's hand rub his side gently, "I'm sorry Khai...I'm sorry I need so much reassurance. I'm sorry that it's hard for me to believe what you say sometimes."

    "Don't apologize for having emotions" Khai shook his head, "None of that. I'll reassure you a thousand times if that is what you need."

    Third gripped at Khai's shirt tightly hearing his words, "Thank you..." Third said in a small whisper. He had wanted to say more, something to convey all of the emotions he felt for Khai in that moment, but he guessed that's why feelings existed: sometimes it wasn't possible to put them into words and that's why it needed to be felt.

    As Third looked into Khai's eyes, he could feel that Khai felt what he felt. "Me too." The two didn't have to say anything else. They both knew that indescribable feeling and that alone gave them comfort.