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Ally~
"Jay's birthday is coming up, but I have no idea what to do this year. I think we've already done everything." I took a deep sigh and grumbled while my face was pasted against the desk.
"Not everything," Jozy smirked. "You can finally say yes to him!"
"T-That's... actually not a bad idea," My eyes grew wide and I slapped my mouth. "What the fuck am I talking about?"
"You just admitted it! You want to be with him too. Oh my gosh... am I really ready for this power couple?" She pretended to overreact.
"It's just... lately, you know... the things he do keep bothering me. I think this all started when we first kissed each other," I buried my face into my arms. "He's shaking me up so much."
"You love him, don't you?"
"Do I?"
This exact question I've been beating myself up with since day one. Did I love him or was it all just infatuation? Do I love him, or am I still hoping for things to work out between Jake and I? Do I really want to be more with Jay?
Honestly, I don't even know anymore.
Can I please get a sign? Whatever it is.
"Ouch!" I felt a smack on my back, and only then did I realize that I fell asleep. My eyes went back into focus, and the first thing I see is Jay.
Is this what I've been looking for?
"I didn't mean to startle you." He got all embarrassed and blushed.
"It's fine." I put my hand in his, and we then walked over to the library together. Why the hell did I just do that so casually? Why doesn't he find anything odd with this? Wait, maybe he does...
Once we arrived near the entrance, I slowly yanked my arm away from him- making some distance, in case we have classmates nearby. We're currently gonna do a group study for an upcoming statistics test.
I finally felt comfortable in my seat, so I began looking through my notes and highlighting some key things. I suddenly felt a different type of breeze, so I looked up... bad idea.
It's Jake. He's joining us today.
So much for a sign.
I plan not to look back up today, unless it's at my other classmates. I just don't want to meet eyes with him.
"We can just study by ourselves. My mom isn't home right now, so the house is really quiet." Jay whispered to me and I gladly nodded.
We then excused ourselves, making up a stupid reason. I saw Jake in my peripheral vision, and he's definitely fuming. I don't know if it's because I'm avoiding him, or because I'm with Jay? How could I be so sure he's still into me?
Once we finally got to the parking lot, my legs completely gave up and I collapsed. Before I could hit the floor, Jay caught me and helped me back up... he then embraced me tightly.
"It's okay," He said in a soothing voice like last time. "You'll be okay."
"I'm sorry I can't love you yet, but thanks for everything..." I drowned into his eyes and told him whatever was in my heart. "For always being there for me."
"It's okay." He repeated.
You're not okay.
Stop lying to me, Jay. I know you more than anyone else.
"It's okay..." a tear dropped down his cheeks, but he kept a painful smile on his face. That broke me to pieces.
I tiptoed and placed my lips onto his. I could taste his tears, that he cried ever so quietly.
"I never said I wouldn't love you; I'm here with you right now. It means I'm willing."
__________________________
Jay~
I'm gonna lose her soon, ain't I? My gut feeling never fails me.
I'm staring at her right now, and she's the most beautiful person in this planet. If only her eyes were filled with love instead of tears and pity. She's only doing this because she doesn't want to hurt me- she doesn't want to hurt herself.
"You can let go of me anytime you want." I gave her a red and green card that I randomly found in my pocket. I think I stole these from work.
"What are these?" She stared at them in confusion.
"I'm sorry, but I choose Jake..." I pointed at the red card, then the green. "I'm over him. I want to start over with you."
___________________________
THE UPDATES NEXT WEEK: prepare your emotions <3
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Song: 2am (투에이엠) — Confession of a Friend (친구의고백)
(LYRICS: Hating the girl's ex bc he made her cry, watching afar instead of telling her how he feels bc he doesn't want to ruin the friendship, unrequited love of a best friend who's dying to tell her how he feels)
