Too Bad So Sad ~ Chapters 1-16 Available To Read Now ~

1 ~ From The Beginning

WARNING: THIS STORY TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE, DRUG USE, AND OTHER THEMES/ TOPICS THAT MAY TRIGGER OR BE SENSITIVE  TO SOME READERS. IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE READING THIS, I ADVISE YOU TO STOP READING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I used to be a shitty person, but I wasn't born that way. I became that way because I wanted to be loved and accepted by someone that didn't even want me. It was stupid but I should start from the beginning. My mom has been taking care of me and my siblings since our was no longer in the picture. I can't actually pin point when I became depressed but I'd say it was around the time our dad left when I was 13 years old. I never knew why he left, and frankly I thought I was better off not knowing. It would only make me resent him more. Around 13 years old, is when I met Kira, she was everything I wanted to be. She was a tomboy but not too boyish that she would considered one of the boys, it was just enough so that they could see her small feminine features. She inherited those small feminine features and feline eyes from her mother who was a full blooded Philipina woman. She had a very flirtatious nature about herself, but not in the sense that she was sleazy. She was very easy going and a very easy person to talk to. She was straight forward and stubborn. I wanted to be considered cute by guys, and I wanted to be as cool as her. So I adopted her dark sense of style, her slang and little bits of her personality. Like I had mentioned before she was everything that I wanted to be. That's the kind of friends you want when you have low self esteem. She became my best friend almost immediately, we did everything together. That was until our junior year of high school, more specifically the beginning of our second semester. That's when Jason walked right into our lives.

God I remember that day, the day before we had a snow day. So outside was just full of dirty snow and ice, but you could also still see the small frosted designs left on the corners of the windows of the school. No one that day wanted to be there especially with the roads being iced up. So needless to say the a good chunk of people just didn't come in that day. Unfortunately for me my mom had forced me and my siblings to go to school that day since the districts said school will resume that day. It was after first period but before second period, the hallways were not even a quarter the way as full as it normally was. I had met Kira in a halfway point between her locker and my locker in that hallway. When the both of us proceeded to complain that's when he walked right by us. I felt immediately drawn to him. But who wouldn't? He was tall with dark curly hair, skinny but nicely toned and he had a sharp jawline. He was in every sense of the word, attractive. I saw him from the corner of my eye initially but slowly he came into my direct field of vision. At one point we had locked eyes. I knew in reality I know that was probably 1-5 seconds max but those 1-5 seconds felt so much longer than that.

As luck would have it he shared a class with Kira and I, however told her that I had a small crush on him. When Jason came up to us, Kira and him hit it off immediately. I was half-assedly introduced to him. Before they started dating it felt like I was a third wheel, and I was just hanging around them as a courtesy not because I was friends with them or that they liked having me around. I was just there because it was polite. I liked him but he was only interested in Kira, so I never stood a chance.

There had only been four instances where my heart had broke. The first instance is when I woke up the next morning to see dad's car wasn't in the driveway, but the second instance was when I first saw Kira and Jason kiss. At some point in the day they had met up in the hallway and they started making out. The only reason I was in the hallway was because I had to go to the bathroom. That's some unlucky timing. When I saw them making out, I froze and my heart sank. The one person I wanted was kissing my best friend. And as selfish as it sounds I didn't want him to choose her, I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be wrapped around in his arms and I wanted to be the one to share kisses with him. But it was clear he had made his choice. So I left it alone and I distanced myself from them. Not out of respect but for me. I know what you're probably gonna ask, "Well how does distancing yourself from them make you a shitty person?"