The Impossible Happy

Out

"Oh my god, what is it Dean?" Sam was irritated. They had been standing in the small room for some 10 minutes without saying so much of a word.

Dean was pacing the floor.

"What's going on, Dean?"

Dean stops, mid pace. He took a breath.

"Okay, Sammy, I'm not gonna draw this out any longer than it should be. I need to just up and say it and not make a big brotherly bonding moment out of it. Because, it's not important."

"Okay..."

"Okay. Okay. Uh, Sam. My whole life, I've felt...different. Not bad, different, just different. But, not really a big deal different.I never really knew where to put it exactly 'till this afternoon. I guess I was in denial. Maybe I still am a little bit. But it is what it is and this is who I am so you'll just have to live with it. I mean hey, this is what you were born into, it's just, well..." He trailed off.

"Thought you said this wasn't gonna take long?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I'm getting there." Dean inhaled "Sammy, I'm gay."

Silence.

Silence overlapped by a panicking Dean. "I mean--I mean, I think. I could be bi. I'm actually probably more bi than anything. You never know though, I could be straight. I just like guys, too.

"I just, I went to Charlie's today, and I just realized what it all meant. All my life, I've been so...scared about it, you know? Well you don't know, know since you're not- or maybe you are, I mean I'd be cool with it either way, since you know....but now-but now...I'm still Dean though, this isn't gonna turn into a Birdcage thing, I'll always be your older, ass of a brother. Nothing's changed, nothing. Not gonna be bringing home dudes or nothin'. It's just the same as always, you hear? I'm sorry, Sam. It's just who I am, and we'll just have to get through this. This is just another meaningless, little thing. And, you know I--"

"Oh for the love of god, SHUT UP, DEAN" Sam talked over the endless rambling. Dean stopped talking and stared, wide eyed, at his younger brother.

"Dean, it's ok. You of all people should know, I'm okay with this kind of thing. I don't care if you're gay, straight, sideways, upside down, or backwards. You're my family, no matter what. And dude...I kind of already knew."

"What?"

"Brokeback Mountain?"

"God, was the whole damn world there that night?!"

Sam pulled Dean into a hug.

"I'm here Dean, you know. I'll always be here, if you need to talk or something. You're supported."

Dean hugged Sam back.

"Thanks, man. I'll keep that in mind" Dean pulled away, patting Sam on the shoulder.

"Oh, hey, are you gonna tell Cas?"

Frozen. Dean was once again frozen. He hadn't thought about it like that, exactly-officially coming out to the Angel, how was he to do that? He couldn't. Because if he did, he would have to...no. No, it was nothing with Cas, anyways. Just some feelings, hardly tangible anyways. He'll get over him. He will.

"Dean?"

"Hm?"

"I said, are you gonna tell Cas?"

"Uh, I don't know. He's got a lot going on right now, and-and all the bible stuff, you know, 'man shalt not layeth with another man' or whatever. You never know how he'll react."

Sam is unconvinced.

"Uh, okay. So, should we go? I mean, do you want to?"

"Go where?"

"Lincoln. The case?"

"Oh, oh yeah. Dehydrated fruit. Right."

"Hey, maybe you should just hang back here. I think I got this one." Sam's tone was worried, caring.

"Sam, no. You're the book guy, I'm the tough guy. That's how it is. I'm coming."

"No, seriously Dean. I think you should take a knee on this one. I'd only be a few hours away. It'll be cake, anyways. Just stay here, you need to figure this out."

Dean hesitates, but he knows Sam is right.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. Okay, fine."

"Good." With one final puppy dog look of earnest kindness, Sam walked out of the room, followed shortly by Dean. It was then that it hit him.

Castiel is staying here.

He'd be staying with Cas. Alone.