A life worth living

Heartbreak

Carson's POV
I was in Hottopic today, looking for something to get for Riley's birthday. He had been talking a lot more to people and it was making me really happy.

I turned into another area when I saw Damien. I was about to yell out to him when another guy walked up to him.

Who's that?

I shrug it off and continue walking over to them when Damien leans down and kisses the other man. My breath catches in my throat.

I turn around and run, ignoring the calls coming from my phone. I make it back to my car and sit there in my seat crying for a minute before my phone rings again.

"Hello?" I ask, answering without checking the caller ID.

"Hey Carson... are you crying?" Rise's voice comes through the phone.

"Um- I- No, no I'm not. What's up?" I ask, wiping my tears.

"Dad said he wanted to speak with you but you didn't answer the phone... he needs you to come over."

"Ok I'll be there in 10."

As I pull into the driveway, Rise comes outside.

"So you were crying." He says, touching my face.

"Yah just a little. Where's dad?" I ask.

"In his study. He seems pissed off, what did you do?" He asks me.

"What? I don't remember doing anything..." I head inside and up the stairs to the study.

I knock on the door. "Hello?" I ask.

"Come in Carson." I walk in and Rise really wasn't joking. He looked beyond pissed off... "What did I do?"

"Do you want to tell me why you were calling your mothers new boyfriend names and even hit him? The man did nothing to you except ask how school went." He states. Guess him and my mom keep in touch.

"He did not just ask how school went. He's an asshole."

"Watch your tone before you regret it."

"He is! My mom thinks he's perfect and I know it's a load of bull! He doesn't know how to pick up after himself, he got fired for drinking at work and he yells at me for nothing! Then he just thinks 'Hey let's pretend to care about the kid so his mom doesn't leave me!' I don't care if he's dating my mom, he deserved it!"

"Nobody deserves to be abused!"

"It's not abuse!"

"It is if it happens again! I don't care if he's an asshole! If you continuously hit him it's abuse! Unless he hurts you first, you have no right to put your hands on him!" He yells, now standing and waving a finger at me.

"Goodbye." I spit, turning to leave.

"If you can't say goodbye properly, don't come back."

"Don't worry, I'm not." I say, tears falling from my eyes, still not looking at him.

I rush out of the house and over to my car. I need to end this. I pull out a piece of paper and a pen from my glovebox and start writing a quick note.

Sorry I disappointed you all. I know this isn't what you wanted but it's what I wanted. I can't take people being angry with me anymore. Goodbye.

Short but gets the point across. I quickly get out of my car and slip the paper through the mail slot before running back to my car.

As I'm pulling out of the driveway, I see Gabe and Jake pick up the paper through the door window. I speed down the road and right back to my house.

"Carson! You broke his fucking nose!" My mom yells at me as soon as I enter the house. I push her out of the way and head towards the stairs.

"Don't put your hands on your mother!" Ian yells at me. I roll my eyes and run upstairs.

I go into my room and search for my old blade. I search everywhere I can think of and as I'm starting to loose hope, I hear rapid knocking on the front door.

I speed through my closet, finding the shiny piece of metal and run to the bathroom, locking it behind me. Someone comes running up the stairs.

"Carson honey?!"

"Carson?!"

I can hear the voices of my mother and Ian.

"Carson open this door now." Kain.

I roll up my sleeves, put the shiny metal against my wrists and drag.

Seeing the bright red lines bring me the slightest bit of happiness. It's not enough.

I dig through the medicine cabinet, pulling out a bottle of pills as the banging on the door gets louder.

"Carson I mean it! Open the door!" Kain yells.

I take a handful of pills out and down them. I start to feel dizzy. I trip over my own feet. I feel happy right now.

Maybe that's the reason people commit suicide... It sends a shiver of excitement up your spine. It gives you one last chance to feel alive before you become anything but.

The door busts open and Kain drops to my side with tears in his eyes. He grabs my hand.

"Stay awake Carson. Stay awake for me please."

"Ambulance is on the way." My mom says, Ian's arms wrapped around her.

"I-I love you dad..." I whisper, squeezing his hand.

"I love you too. Stay awake baby." He says, wrapping a towel around my wrists, trying to stop the bleeding.

I try, I really do, but I was too tired. I let my eyes close and all of a sudden I couldn't hear anything.