Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

5

"And he didn't say anything else?"

"No, that was all."

The next evening I was in Jo's room putting a hand full of snacks in my mouth. The saltiness on my tongue made me feel better, as weird as it sounds. Even better than chocolate could. Chocolate's sweet and I didn't need sweet at the moment.

Jo hummed in understanding, pushing the bowl with chips in my direction. If there was someone I could trust with difficult things, it was her. She was there on Friday before I met Mr. Horan in the foyer and I knew she'd never judge me for anything. She always listened to me first. She didn't judge me that I thought my thirty-something-year old professor was incredibly attractive and that I was practically constantly drooling like a bulldog in his presence.

She just sat there and listened to all my worries while I laid on her bed, looking at the ceiling.

"Strange. I can't figure him out." The blonde spoke up and sat down next to me on the bed cross-legged. Absorbed in thoughts I got up and reached for the bowl in front of me.

"Ha! Tell me something new." I snorted, munching on a chip.

"To be honest, I can't tell if he hates me or makes fun of me in private."

"First he praises me over the last semester, then he's almost nice to me for his standards before the holidays and now he meets me in the library, doesn't seem to remember me but then somehow he does, talks to me and looks at me strangely during lecture. He's just weird. And he gets on my nerves." I ranted, sulking after I've finished.

It was quiet for almost five seconds.

"But you do have a crush on him." Jo said, leaning back and watching me. Groaning, I fell back on the bed again, desperately covering my face with my hands. It just wasn't fair.

"No. Yeah."

"I don't know. It's not a real crush, I just have this weird admiration for him. But either way, he doesn't deserve any thought in my brain. With his cold and arrogant behaviour he doesn't deserve anything. Well that depends on who you want to ask. You can ask Dr. Reid if you want to ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure he has time." I imitated him excessively.

"Yes asshole actually I am going to ask Dr. Reid." 

"After what you've told me, he does appear to be interested in you. Maybe he sees a part of himself in you? You two would make a cute couple. Visually." Jo added to this insanity. Couldn't she see I was trying not to swoon about him? 

For a second the idea of being in a relationship with him nested in me, evaporated just as quickly with an ironic laugh which escaped my lips.

"God please stop. This guy was probably best in his study course back then. Did you hear him talk?"

I imagined what it'd be like if Dr. Horan was my age, studying with me. Maybe we would've became friends, would've gone out to drink and the would've ended up in his bed. Maybe we would've been in a relationship and talked about geography. We would've gone on dates in little cafés and bookshops, would've learned together until late in the library.

Or to put it in other words: It would've been different. Not the way it was now.

Wait, he does appear to be interested in me? The romantic pictures dissolved and I quickly turn my head to glare at Jo and smack her lightly.

"Interested? Making a cute couple visually?! Tell me, did you take some drugs today or what? This man is at least fifteen years older than me, one might think I've got daddy issues and you might even encourage them!" I grouched angrily.