Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

Prologue

I don't really remember when it had happened. Or what had convinced me into giving those feelings in me the attention they demanded.

Had it evolved over months? Or was there actually a moment, a point in time, in which my heart and my my mind - without me being aware of it - agreed that it'd be worth to feel everything. From despair over happiness and maybe a little bit of love. As long as it was with this person.

Are these love stories not the most wonderful of them all? In which you don't remember when it had gotten this far?

Maybe our story isn't a love story but more like a short story without a pointe. With me as the main character. And my daddy issues, that pushed me into this situation. Or pushed me into his embrace, to be precise.

It could've been that gentle whisper in my thoughts, trying to prove that I had finally found someone who was like me. Something I've searched for for a long time. It could've been my desire for love. For a love, deeper than anything else, a love that satisfies me. Maybe I was so frantically looking for affection that I had closed a contract with my heart to just wanting him. Even if he had shown me only a little bit of fondness.

Then again, it could've been my growing admiration for him. The admiration he needed. And which he took greedily out of my hands, out of my mouth. He took it with such greed and hunger, needing more and more of it. He knew he'd always get it from me.

So maybe it wasn't love. Maybe it isn't love.

But only two people searching for something they thought had found in the other one. I don't know if he found in me what he was looking for. There are moments in which I hope so. In other moments, I want to believe it was alls merely an objective engagement.

Even though I know for sure this isn't the case in my opinion. Because I will always yearn for the version of me that I was when I was with him.

So maybe it isn't love. Maybe it'll never be love.