Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

4

Friday came. Slowly crawling but it came.

I gave up putting up a fight against the images of Mr. Horan in my brain these last days. They poured down on me like rain on campus.

It was late in the afternoon and I spent my minutes with waiting for Jo who went to toilet some minutes ago. Technically I had to be at my lecture with Dr. Horan in five minutes and those five minutes appeared to me like the blink of an eye. Getting to me sooner than I would liked it to. I wasn't ready to meet him again. My stomach churned, something it only did before exams. It bothered me that I started to react so touchy, that I let this firm grip have this much power over me.

Was it excitement or was there something else? Fear? It could be. I was scared. Scared for Mr. Horan to read me like a book. A wrong sentence, one look and he would be able to reveal my farce. Deeply involved with my anger, I nervously paced back and forth in front of the ladies bathroom, trying to get a hold of how I should enter this damn room in three minutes.

Shit, I wouldn't be able to get a good seat if I wasn't on time. And I had to sit in the first row if this happened. Not good. I prayed I would be spared by fate. Even though my relationship with god only consisted of a few attendances at church, I didn't want to it to be the reason that no spiritual force was rescuing me from this misery that I coloured so darkly.

I came to a halt in front of the notice board with a dry mouth. The board covered the whole wall next to the windows of the reading room. Offers for flats, dates of clubs and other important things related to our college. Something you normally didn't heed.

My attention focused on a little poster that had caught my eye this spring already. A tender offer for our campus newspaper that was looking for writers. This offer had been glued to the board a long time ago. It lost colour, the corners crinkled. Still the deadline was next week which made me think.

I loved writing and becoming a journalist was a dream. I didn't had the time for a full time job at the newspaper, but writing an article now and then seemed like an acceptable alternative for me. Should I try it at least? If my texts would be that bad, I could call it quits anytime and wouldn't disappoint a single person. Just me but this would be something I could've handled.

There was no risk in taking the position.

Jo behind me came out of the restroom, searching for me until she spotted me as I was pointing at the poster.

"They are searching for writers." I began shouting. It was late, there were not many students I could've disturbed.

"Who? Our campus newspaper?" My friends blonde ponytail swung from side to side while she walked towards me. She pulled out her phone to check for messages I believe, putting it away the second she reached me.

She kept silent, examining the paper and I eagerly waited for her to speak up.

"Sounds good."

"Really, go for it. You have the talent, I'm always telling you." Jo added, shifting her gaze on me. I knew she was going to call her girlfriend, they did most evenings. Lucy was still in school and they only saw each other every two weeks or so.

I let her go, arranging to meet her tomorrow afternoon.

The door closed behind her, making me look at the offer in deep thoughts for one last time, taking a picture of the contact details and making me turn around with a heavy heart in my chest. Before I could notice something else the smell of leather, rain and forest consumed my senses. Next, the rest knocked in: green coat, dark boots, piercing blue eyes and heat on every inch of my body.

I felt it seeping inside, making its way through my blood and my muscles while my ability to speak vanished. It seemed like we met at the weirdest times but actually he had the same right to stand there as I did.