Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

1

I could talk about who beautiful my college is, how loud the parties are, how I became a totally different person during the year that I've been here.

However, there was nothing to romanticise about life at university in my point of view. It was nothing more than what you did in school all those years before. Just on another level. But you think you're more mature and more educated now. That's only thing that really changes. The way you perceive yourself.

In reality you're still cleaning your room far less than you should, continue to forget important things, stay up too long, wake up too late the next morning and never stop filling your body with fast-food and sugary drinks. Over time, living the college student life doesn't allure you the way you've expected it after you finished school.

I'm not saying that it never captured me, the feeling of being more independent. But after studying a few months I'm more neutral in regard to stuff like this. There was nothing bothering me particularly. Yet there was nothing to praise either.

By now, this happened more and more often. That I didn't have an opinion. Or that I simply didn't care to have one. It made life a lot easier and uncomplicated. I had stopped complaining full-throated whenever I had to write a whole essay in less than a week. No professor, no instructor ever gives in. Never.

That could've been the reason I was watching the new students so bluntly as if they had arrived from a completely other dimension. How they ran across campus, strutting over the pathways with hounded expressions, searching for their lecture halls. Many of them were going to be late. I knew it. I myself was late for my first exam, ended up in different rooms many times. Remembering this, I thought about helping the poor souls for a second until someone appears next to me, then I forget it. 

It was Hannah, breathing heavily, now adjusting the shoulder strap of her bag.

She and I knew each other since the second half of the first semester. It wasn't the typical friendship that forms after the first day because we had to share a seat during orientation. We actually found out that we were studying the same during a group work in descriptive linguistics.

Englisch and Geography.

For many people english is a subject for those who don't know what to do with their life. This cliche is persistent and to my surprise I have to agree. In some cases.

I've always dreamt about becoming a famous writer or a journalist. Or a professor myself. So studying just to graduate in something was never an option for me. I had always strived for the bigger things. My parents nor I never had an explanation for it.

There were no writers in my family, no teachers. My parents never went to college and my sister thinks going to college is a pure waste of time. She wants to work in healthcare administration after graduation. She wants money and she wants it quick. Not eating ramen and cheap salad for three years straight.

I could have gone into politics which I'm also very passionate about, still I think I can change more when I'm a journalist or a teacher. I don't have to save actual lives, I don't have to lead a country to make a difference.

Hannah next to me has finally calmed down and was now breathing more slowly than before. She probably ran to catch me. Her red cheeks betrayed her.

"Ready for day two in this hellhole?"

I observed from the corner of my eye that she took a large sip out of her thermos. The smell of coffee reached my nostrils almost immediately and gave me a feeling of warmth and bitter comfort. I would've liked to ask her if there was a chance that she shares it with me, yet I kept quiet.

For october, the weather was still warm and sunny so there was no need for me to get my coat out of the depths of my closet. I wondered when coldness would take over.

"If I were, wouldn't I be late?" I finally asked back instead of answering.

We turned right and climbed a few stairs that led to the building where our lecture hall for the next two hours was located. Luckily my timetable wasn't that full, allowing me some free time during the week. On Wednesdays, there were no events at all. In exchange, Tuesdays and Fridays would last until the early evening.

There was nowhere I had to be on a Tuesday between six and eight o' clock besides work. I didn't even like evening shifts so it was a win win situation for me and an excuse that I could live my evenings in peace without having to shower late while I was trying not to fall asleep.

Hannah laughed shortly, put the red thermos away that I gifted her for Christmas last year and opened the glass door for us. It's one of the benefits working at a Starbucks. You get discounts on their products which is perfect for a poor college student looking for Christmas presents.

The sound level rose quickly once we were inside the building, same as the temperature did. It seemed as the dry air motivated the people to speak, laugh and scream. A never-ending stream made its way upstairs, where all the rooms were. The library that was separated from us by a huge soundproof window, revealed rather too many students for this time of the day. Their backs facing us, tables full of books, sheets of paper, food, laptops or tablets. 

"I am just reminding myself again of how little I missed those halls full of people." I murmured to my friend, walking in this stupendous mass of bodies, pushing away a backpack that would have been in my face any second. Just like me she fought her way upstairs, didn't hesitate to push her elbow into someone. The young man with a sad excuse of a beard she had just moved away in a rough manner turned around quite mad, wanted to protest but Hannah was quick. She lifted her hands up in surrender before pointing at the person on her left.

The boy stayed silent, looking away. Hanna winked at me and grinned mischievously. I answered with a smile before I reached for her arm, pulling her out of the river.

We had arrived at the first floor. I could see the door and other people going inside.

So that was it. The second day began and there was no way back. Even though I wasn't ready at all.