Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

15

We met again exactly five days later. It was Wednesday and I was currently on my way to the library, even though I'd normally lay in my bed or be work at this time. But I wasn't, I walked over the pathways in the morning, inhaling the crispy air and listening to music. I was still tired and hadn't had breakfast yet. I hated going out with an empty stomach but I was already late, that was why I had to leave out my toast. At least I was able to brush my teeth to get rid of the insipid taste in my mouth. 

I didn't know why I had to listen to music on the five minute walk over to my destination yet I couldn't complain. It was nice outside, I was seeing the man I've been thinking about day and night. Everything was nice. If I could, I would've started running, laughing wholeheartedly at how great everything was. 

Sure, I was scared at some extend, but the addiction I had took over it. I didn't care that I wasn't acting mature, but what was acting mature anyway? 

I was in it, I wanted it. That was what mattered to me. Maybe our intentions weren't the same, but he somehow knew me. Or he acted like he did. He knew how to touch my body and my mind in all the right ways. I felt free when I was driving with him through the dark.

I didn't hate this town, I didn't had to fight every thought. With him it felt like those few moments before you fell asleep after laying awake at night for a while. I felt at ease, I didn't feel lost. Sitting there on the hill, looking down at the city lights, I knew whatever was going to happen in the future, that I'd be alright in the end. 

I opened the glass doors, entering the building. Staying in contact with Niall outside of university wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I didn't not know when I could talk to him or text him. It was never the right time but tiptoeing around his office every day would draw attention, so we decided to write each other mails and it went good. Of course it was just temporarily until I got his number which I haven't asked for yet. I told him it'd be better to meet on my free day, when nobody would be searching for me on campus, especially not in the library. And it was a place where we had met already.

Every one of the last days felt like a dream to me. One day we didn't talk, the next I sat in his car in the evening, letting him touch me and the other day I watched him talking in class, acting like nothing hat happened, giving me a wink when passed me. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. This inconsistency was what I've been looking for and I wouldn't trade it back. 

Entering the hall five past nine, I nodded my head to the women behind the counter, opening my jacket I was wearing. My hands hurled because of the cold outside, turning a bit red. I rubbed them together, taking two steps at once. I couldn't wait to see him again, being alone, saying what I wanted to. I pulled my headphones out of my ears, pausing the song before putting my phone away.

Short of breath, I reached the third floor, looking around me. I knew I was late, I always was.  My professor was already waiting for me, as he was holding a book in his hands and studying what was written inside of it. I was in control when he wasn't around, but now that I saw him, I felt my heart beating faster. Making no sound, I made my way over to him and held my index finger near his shoulder to tap him, but he was faster.

"I know it's you, there's no need to scare me." He said unbothered, still reading.

"I wasn't trying to." I lied, standing beside him to see what he was reading. My professor closed the book a second later with a thud, putting it back on the shelve and facing me.

"You're Late."

"I know and I'm sorry. I forgot the time and I couldn't find my scarf and-"

"It's just a statement. I don't expect an excuse from you." My Professor cut me off, lifting the right corner of his mouth.  He wore his typical professor clothes: Sweater, a shirt underneath and dark jeans. Everything seemed so neatly while I was standing here in front of him, wearing an old knitted sweater, loose jeans, a grey scarf and my sneakers.