Dreaming Alone | taekook ✔️

f i f t y - t h r e e

A movie in black and white,
when will it end?
Cause every time I scream no one hears me

paralyzed
~ atc

⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅

It's funny how drastically things can change over minutes.

Life likes taunting you with unfulfilled desires and temporary bliss. It brings you happy times to contrast the unhappy. And with that comes comparison and hurt.

Jeongguk looked out his window and saw freedom, but if his weight shifted forward just a tad more, he might fall to deeper depths of despair.

"What happened? Why are you crying?" Taehyung whispered worriedly.

The ravenette swallowed the sobs that rose from his throat. "Tae."

"It's okay. Let it out. We have all the time in the world to talk—"

"I love you," Jeongguk blurted.

Taehyung was surprised, to say the least, aware of how sparingly the ravenette used those words. "I love you too."

"I love you," Jeongguk repeated, more fiercely this time, despite the tears that raced each other down his cheeks, "And nothing he says is gonna change that. I know I love you." Determination soaked him to the bone.

"What did he say, Jeongguk?"

"He— he called you names. Bad names."

Taehyung tutted, having a general idea of what those names could be. "It's okay. It doesn't affect me."

"He made it sound like— like you were using me," Jeongguk mumbled, "And I know it's not true but it makes me... makes me so mad that he can say such a thing. And I wanna argue but it scares me whenever he raises his voice."

Taehyung felt his heart shred into two as he watched the ravenette's hands uncontrollably claw at his shirt, obviously seeking his pendant. Some habits are hard to break.

"I just want my old family back," Jeongguk pleaded to no one in particular, tears escaping his lower lashes, "I love my dad. I hate myself for loving him despite everything because he's the only parent I have left and I just want a happy fucking family."

"Bambi..."

"My dad used to be so quiet and gentle with me. Books and instruction manuals were his best friends. My mom always said he couldn't teach me certain things because he never had it in him to scold me for my mistakes." Jeongguk gulped, his nose stuffy. "What happened to him?"

Grief happened.

Grief was the kind of monster that stole from you and mocked the way you'd mold yourself into someone entirely different to fill in the emptiness.

Taehyung averted his attention to the space between their windows, seriously considering taking the leap when the itch to hold the ravenette became unbearable. There was nothing more agonizing than watching him hurt alone when he could be in his arms, safe and sound.

"Don't." Jeongguk saw the way Taehyung was measuring the distance to the ground with his eyes. "You'd fall."

"I just want to hug you," The brunette said weakly.

That managed to tug a smile on Jeongguk's quivering lips. "It's okay," He whispered, squishing his head against the window frame and imagining it was Taehyung's touch, "It's okay— I'm just glad you're here."

Taehyung let his chin rest against the window sill, eyes glued to the teary ravenette opposite him. "I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I'd stay here the entire night if you want me to."

Jeongguk stared at Taehyung for a moment. He raised a hand and traced the outline of his boyfriend, his fingertip dancing off sharp cheekbones and pink lips.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know, really."

But the more time he spent tracing his features, the more his heart slowed to a steady beat. His father's words that gripped at his neck loosened its hold.

"Is it strange?" Jeongguk started softly, his gaze lingering on the handsome brunette.

"Is what strange?"

"That I can just look at you and instantly feel okay?"

"No, it's not strange," Taehyung replied, showing a rare sign of shyness when he blushed and looked away, "I know very well what you mean. I feel the same way about you, all the time."

Jeongguk hiccuped, instantly clamping a hand over his mouth in embarrassment. He was crying again, but for a different reason. Perhaps crying out of relief that he had Taehyung to rely on.

Suddenly, a knock sounded on Jeongguk's room door and he immediately froze.

"Jeongguk," Junseo voiced from the other side, "Are you still awake?" His tone wasn't easy to decipher— neither gentle nor harsh.

The ravenette turned to Taehyung. "I— I should go to sleep," He whispered.

"You should," The brunette agreed, "But wait..." He left the window and came back with a pillow in his hand. "Catch."

Taehyung flung it over to Jeongguk, who managed to secure it between his hands. The ravenette looked at his boyfriend with curious eyes.

"So you have something to cuddle while you sleep," Taehyung explained bashfully.

The ravenette hastily wiped off his tears and reached for his own pillow, throwing it over to Taehyung. "You need one too. You always hug things in your sleep."

"Mostly you." The brunette smiled, already folding Jeongguk's pillow into his arms.

There came that knock again. "Jeongguk?"

"Goodnight," Jeongguk said under his breath.

"Night, Bambi."

The ravenette quickly climbed under the covers, going to sleep in hopes of avoiding his father's wrath. He hugged the pillow to his chest and breathed in the subtle scent of Taehyung.

Oh how he would give anything to spend every moment with the brunette, sharing even the most vulnerable parts of himself with him.

Maybe he found family elsewhere. Maybe he found family not in his blood, but in people he would bleed for.

__________

i hope each and every one of you find people you can deem family

you.
deserve.
love.

:]

i have this urge to write a social media crack fanfic because this book has such heavy topics and sometimes get exhausting to write. i wanna have some fun.
but i'm like the most unfunniest (is that a word?) person on this planet earth oml
how would that work?