Dreaming Alone | taekook ✔️

t w e n t y - s e v e n

and i was wrong but let's be honest
you were too
i miss the part where i was falling
hard for you

dreaming alone
~ atc

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As the tedious day sluggishly came to an end, there comes the time to unwind the tenseness and rigidness of our fragile bones. At least try to. For the ravenette, it was the ache in his chest that he was trying to mend.

Jeongguk sat with his legs dangled over the edge of a short, stone wall, sand below his feet and waves crashing about half a football field away. Stars littered the sky the same way grains of sand littered the ground.

He didn't dare go any closer to the shore. He knew his heart couldn't take it.

He held his mother's pendant in his palms, savoring the warmth and consolation she had left for him.

It was a pretty little thing, one with a seashell shown by woven swirls and the ebony string a dark contrast to its radiant ocean blue. Often times, Jeongguk wondered where his mother could've gotten it from.

He missed her.

It's more than just missing. It's a replay of everything he could've done to prevent his mother's passing, torturing his mind with possibilities, and every moment in between was used to rehearse a new mental letter to her.

Dear mom, I couldn't bring myself to empty out your room. We kept the door shut like we could somehow trap your essence inside those four walls. But as soon as I opened it, every memory raced out and slapped me in the face. I cried. Dad ignored me.

Dear mom, I regret choosing that vanilla scent perfume for you. It's everywhere, yet you're no where to be found.

Dear mom, dad and I had our first fight today. He never yells. But he did today.

Dear mom, I'm sick and tired of your absence. Come back. I need you.

Dear mom, I could've saved you. If they just let me.

Dear mom, a part of me wishes that you lived instead. I know you wouldn't want me to think that way. But I can't help it.

Dear mom, if I ever lose this pendant, it will kill me. You don't understand. It will fucking kill me. It's all I have left of you.

Dear mom, I want to go see you. I want to go wherever you go.

Dear mom, I feel like I can't breathe.

Dear mom—

Dear—

And putting those words to ink on paper... the thought was unbearable. His own thoughts were unbearable.

They say pain and yearning dulls over time. But that's only true when you learn to live without that person, when you learn to forget. Jeongguk refused to forget. If getting past the pain meant forgetting, Jeongguk would gladly choose to suffer for the rest of his life.

"Good evening, Jeon."

Those words clogged the ravenette's airway with the knowledge that only one person called him by his last name.

"Whatchu doing out here this late?" Jeongguk watched as the silhouette of Carter swing his legs over the wall, leaving less than a foot of space between them.

The ravenette was quick to react, whipping around to make his escape—

"No." Carter was quicker, grasping his hand. "Stay." It was the tenderness of his tone and his gaze that really gobsmacked Jeongguk and spun his conscience in different directions. "Sit with me."

"Why?"

"Sit with me."

Jeongguk lowered himself back down on the rocky surface, fingers drumming restlessly on the edge.

"You thinking about her, aren't you?" Carter said wistfully.

The ravenette delivered a quick glance at the boy.

"I miss her too sometimes." The blonde admitted, feeling a slight pang in his chest. "Your mom treated me way nicer than either of my parents ever have."

"What do you want, Carter?" Jeongguk questioned feebly.

And all of a sudden the blonde dropped all sentimentalism and went straight to business. "I came to ask you something. I didn't expect you to be near the beach, of all places." He remarked casually, "But anyway. If someone came up to you and asked if you had your first kiss yet, what would you say?"

Jeongguk finally turned to stare at him with puzzlement in his eyes. It took him a moment to cook up a response. "Why would you ask me that?"

Carter shrugged in return.

"You have two options. You can either lie," He leaned closer to Jeongguk, almost daring him. "or tell them that I've kissed you... And not just your first. Nah-uh. Multiple times, Jeon."

Jeongguk met his gaze with a minor scowl, the reminiscence rather unwelcome. He scooted along the wall, creating distance away from his ex lover, his ex best friend.

"Again, why would you ask me that?" He asked, mustering up whatever was left of his bravery.

The ravenette gasped when Carter fisted his sweater, preventing him from moving any further.

"Because Jimin likes you, Jeon." The blonde told him, jaw clenched. Jeongguk's eyes widened. "And what did I say about staying away from him?"

"B-but he's just friends with my friends. And it's not my fault if he likes me." Jeongguk protested, fear bubbling from his throat when Carter hauled him off the short structure. "Wait—"

Carter held him captive in his arms, easily over powering him with his football-built physique, Jeongguk's frame trapped between his limbs. With a wave of panic, the ravenette realized what direction they were headed.

"Fancy taking a swim?"

"I don't know what your thing with Jimin is, b-but I didn't mean to come between you two!" Jeongguk blabbered, legs kicking wildly as he was dragged nearer and nearer to the water, sand slipping into his shoes. "No please—"

The more he struggled, the more Carter edged them towards what seemed like death to the ravenette. The waves stroked the shore so rhythmically and gently, serene in the calm nighttime. But all Jeongguk could see was the waters that gobbled and killed.

Coming closer.

And closer.

And closer.

"It's just— hng— a swim, Jeon." Carter seethed, endeavoring to keep Jeongguk from fleeing from his clutches. "Like the one you made me take, am I right?"

"Let go— I'm sorry!"

"You're not, Jeongguk. You were never fucking sorry."

"I am!"

Jeongguk shoved and he kicked, mouth dry, till Carter finally gave up and chose a different path. One that would surely do the trick.

With one swift grab and yank of a hand, he managed to rip off the ravenette's pendant and hurl it towards the ocean.

__________

i'm not asking you to love carter now
he's an idiot lmao