Dreaming Alone | taekook ✔️

f o r t y - s e v e n

Maybe Taehyung never should've found out. Maybe if he never found out his family had been hiding this horrible secret, he'd wouldn't feel so betrayed... so angry...

But it always found a way back to him. Guilt and blame always found its way back to Taehyung, one way or another.

It didn't matter if he was at the young age of nine. What if he did this, what if he did that? All the possibilities consumed him.

The anger he projected at his mother and his brother were all just the anger he felt towards himself.

He vaguely remembered the times Seokjin locked him out of his room and said he was busy. Taehyung thought it was a older sibling privacy thing; He didn't even begin to think of what could possibly be happening on the other side of the door.

Or perhaps... deep in his unconscious, he had suspected it.

The first sob was silent, forced out of his system, right outside the cabin. His shoulders slumped and he folded his arms towards himself. The second sob was choked and more audible, enough to catch a certain ravenette's attention as he broke apart.

"Taehyung."

He didn't even realize he was crying until a pair of hands clamped onto the wetness of his cheeks.

"Tae?"

Taehyung blinked until his vision cleared to see the pretty boy in front of him with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"C'mere," Jeongguk murmured worriedly, his arms dropping down to slot around his waist.

Taehyung allowed himself to collapse against the ravenette's body, and it shocked Jeongguk how violently he was shaking. He'd never seen him cry like this.

"I waited outside for you just in case you needed me," Jeongguk explained as he hugged him close and kissed his shoulder, "What happened, Tae?"

My brother let his body be violated to protect me. It's my fault and he's so ashamed that he chose to hide it from me.

The brunette welcomed these thoughts to plague his mind.

The ravenette swiped a thumb over the curve of his cheek, catching a tear, "Is this how it feels like when you watch me cry? Cause seeing you like this hurts like shit."

The smile Taehyung gave him was wobbly and hollow. "I'm sorry."

"Tae." Jeongguk frowned. "Don't say that."

"I can't help it. It's my fault."

"What is? Did you ask?"

Then came the tumble of words that strung into broken sentences. Taehyung found everything spilling from his lips, and with every small gasp or hitch of breath, Jeongguk secured his arms around him and offered him something to lean on.

"I think I get it now," The brunette mumbled, turning his head a little to face Jeongguk. "The dream— maybe it wasn't a representation of my fear."

Jeongguk's brows furrowed, not quite following his boyfriend's train of thought, but he gave him a squeeze as encouragement.

"Hobi said... subconscious fears and hopes," The brunette decided, "I was in my brother's room, being assaulted by my dad and saying thank you because I... I wanted him to assault me instead of my brother. I blame myself for what happened to him. My hope is to take his place because I feel deserving of it... and that's why the roles were reversed in those dreams."

"No one deserves that," Jeongguk told him softly, "Not you, not your brother, not anyone. It's no one but your dad's fault. What he did was disgusting."

The ravenette cradled Taehyung's jaw to get him to meet his eyes, but the boy just looked away.

"It could've been me," Taehyung whispered, "Why wasn't it me?"

"Don't blame yourself for it, angel, please. You were nine," Jeongguk pleaded.

"But Seokjin—"

"He was trying to protect you."

"He didn't need to."

"He loves you."

"He probably hates me now."

"That's not true," Jeongguk argued, "Seokjin loves you. You know that."

"But he didn't tell me about..."

"Trauma is really hard to talk about, Tae." The ravenette knew that from firsthand experience. He gazed sadly at Taehyung. "You have to understand that."

Taehyung finally met Jeongguk eyes, arms falling limp at his sides. "I'm sor—"

"Shh. Just stop. Stop apologizing."

Jeongguk pressed a finger against his mouth to silence him before replacing it with his lips, leaving a tender kiss. He didn't even care that they were standing right outside their cabins, risking the possibility that his father might be near. The brunette instinctively straightened up, caught off guard.

Jeongguk pulled back. "We deserve to be forgiven for things that aren't in our control. You told me that the night we talked through our bedroom windows. Those are Jin's words. Think about what that means to him for a second. He was healing."

Taehyung softened, his posture deflating. "You remember?"

"Mhm." The ravenette nodded subtly. "I think about it a lot."

"I'm a hypocrite then." Taehyung chuckled dryly. "Look at me. I'm far from forgiving myself."

Jeongguk fell silent.

"I can't help it. There are so many things I could've done differently. What if I saw the signs earlier? What if I asked more questions? What if I paid more attention? What if..."

Taehyung was suddenly aware of Jeongguk's lack of a reaction, the boy staring into space.

"Jeongguk?"

The ravenette's lips were pressed into a thin line and he shifted his weight around, as if in deep thought. Taehyung was beginning to think that he said something wrong, but a tug of Jeongguk's hand snapped him out of his trance.

"Come with me," The ravenette prompted, interlacing their fingers and taking a few steps forward.

"To where?"

Apparently Jeongguk didn't want to voice his answer, so Taehyung was left wondering as they journeyed down the path. It was still fairly early in the morning, leaving them sun-kissed, and twigs snapped and leaves scrunched under their feet.

Suddenly the brunette was aware of what direction Jeongguk was headed and his heart dropped.

"Why are we heading to the beach?"

__________

do y'all understand the tae dreams now?
just making sure, in case i did a really bad job at explaining

kosmostae tricked me into thinking she's an entire foot taller than me smh i still love her tho

i'm 4'11 btw, before anyone asks
i'm a smol bean
i fit into any suitcase and i'm a professional at fighting people's knees

i'm excited for y'all to see the next chapter cause it might be my favorite
- hay