T/W: Depression
+ narration +
I woke up feeling tired and sore down there. Noah's looking at me as if I'll be gone if he'll took off his eyes on me.
"Good morning, baby." He greeted.
"Morning," I greeted back.
"How's your body? Does it hurt?" He asked.
"Yup, my back hurts and I'm still sore." I replied.
"I'm sorry," lumapit siya sa akin at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya para yakapin.
"You smell so nice, baby." He complimented.
"Ano ba, ako lang 'to." I giggled.
"Damn that confidence!" He chuckled.
"Shia?" He called.
"Hmm?" I hummed.
"Can we talk? Tell me what happened to you. I wanted to know everything, baby. I wanted to know your problems and struggles, Shia." He said softly while caressing my messy hair.
Huminga ako nang malalim at tumingin sa bintana na nagpapakita kung gaano na katirik ang araw.
"I feel empty," I whispered. "I feel alone and lonely. I feel like everybody will leave me if I will disappoint them. I lost the reason to live." I lonely tear escaped my eyes.
"I felt like I was just a failure. Sobrang taas ng expectations nila to the point na hindi ko na maabot. I don't even know why I'm doing this, I don't even know if I'm doing this for myself or for them."
"Ang sakit sakit na parang hiyang-hiya sila na ako ang anak nila. They don't want me around them kaya nila ako dito pinatira sa condo na 'to. It's so hard to believe na kung sino pa yung pamilya ko sila pa yung pumapatay sa akin. It feels like I'm alive but the truth is I'm already dead." I told him.
He kissed my temples and whispered his 'sorry's' and 'iloveyou's'.
"Pakiramdam ko walang makakaintindi sa akin, iniisip ko palagi na sasabihin ko ba sa mga kaibigan ko o wag nalang? Kasi paano kung husgahan nila ako at hindi nila ako pakinggan? Paano kung sabihin lang nila na mahina ako kaya ko 'to nagagawa sa sarili ko."
"It's so hard to fight the demons inside me. It's already eating me up, it's already killing me I couldn't handle it so that time the only thing that I have in mind is Death." I bit my lips.
"Hindi ko alam pero nung mga panahon na ginagawa ko 'tong mga 'to," I looked at my wrist. "I felt like I'm already ready to leave this painful world. Kasi puro sakit nalang naman ang nararamdaman ko so what's the point of living, right?"
"But I love myself and no one would do it for me, I went to the hospital and decided to ask for the help of the professional Doctors. I needed them to cure me." I told him while smiling genuinely.
"I was diagnosed that I have depression." I added.
"How can you smile while saying that? It fucking pains me to know what you felt back then. Damn, I hope I'm with you when you're suffering from depression. Tangina, anong klaseng boyfriend ako?" He rested his head on my shoulders.
Mukha siyang hinang-hina ngayon dahil sa narinig mula sa akin.
"I'm so proud of you, baby. I will stay with you and I'll help you overcome the demons inside you. You're stronger than them, you can fight this. I know it." He assured me.
"I'm blessed to have you, Noah. I don't know what to do without you. Siguro matagal na akong wala kung wala ka." I whispered.
"Don't say that, I know that you're strong, you can still live even without me but that doesn't mean I will leave you, ako ata ang hindi kakayanin kung wala ka." He laughed. He kissed me on my forehead and his embraced became tight.
"I love you so much, Shia. Don't leave me, baby." He whispered softly.
"I love you more!" I said adorably.
"Ready for round two?" He probed while smirking.
"Ha? Hindi pa tayo kumakain!" I yelled.
"Kaya nga kakainin kita kasi gutom na ako." He chuckled.
