Halo

Repress

At the church, I laid on Bad's bed while he took a shower, the water running calmed me down, so I closed my eyes and drifted into my own thoughts...

During the soccer game...I felt it....Just like now. The gentle feel of someones finger tips gliding freely against my stomach, tenderly up to my neck and back down, then the feeling of the touch was replaced by a warm, gentle feeling, as though someone was kissing up from my hips, all the way to my jaw and lips...It felt as if someone was teasing me...Driving me to the edge of reality until someone called my name and I won us the game...Then I felt it again after I almost kissed Bad...But this time it had felt more intense, more rushed...More needy. I could vividly feel someone's lips against my throat from fingers pressing into my back and I could hear the panting and gentle moans leaving their lips, feeling the coolness of bed sheets...we were in bed together...who was it though?

Wait....Have I been...daydreaming about Bad?...Crap what have I gotten myself into?

I looked up when I heard the bathroom door open to Bad leaving it, a towel lazily wrapped around his hair and one around his waist... Leaving little to the imagination....The way the light hit the water droplets on his neck, his chest, his arm, and his face made it look as though he was sparkling....

I paused checking him out without caring if he noticed...And I saw the scar that went across his chest....The ugly line went from above his heart, crossing down his stomach and hopefully ending under the towel...It looked old, but for some reason it made me upset.

"Bad..."I let out, sadness filling my voice which caused him to look over at me. "Yeah?" His voice was light, a smile on his lips as always...His smile faded when I stood up, walking closer to him.

"What...Happened?" I asked, laying a hand on where the scar started, entranced by the look of it, it looked like it must have hurt when it happened...

"Skeppy." Bad breathed, as though my touch hurt him, but he seemed scared. 

I didn't respond to him, lightly trailing my fingers down the scar, feeling the way his breathing was picking up, as if it excited him...Which made me feel confident....Until he roughly grabbed my wrist and moved it off his chest.

 "Skeppy. Go take a shower...I'll tell you the story later." He said, voice seeming very shaken up.

I looked in the mirror after closing the bathroom door, my eyes were highly dilated...Jesus I needed to calm down...

The cold water rushed down my back, between my shoulder blades and causing me to shiver...

I watched as the soap suds slid down my smooth skin and swirled down the shower drain for multiple minutes before I got out. Bad was lending me some clothes that I had with me in the bathroom so I quickly changed and began to dry my hair.

When I came out of the bathroom, I laid the towel from my hair around my neck and sighed at Bad. He was wearing a hoodie again, despite me seeing basically his whole body already.

"Why do you keep the hood on Bad?" I said, pointing towards the black hood with a red outline, covering his features while I threw the towel to the dirty clothes basket beside the dresser. 

Honestly, he was so insanely good looking that I smiled just picturing his full face again...But then the memory of the jagged scar across his chest made me wince away.

"That's...Not something you need to know." He responded, touching his hood almost self consciously....As if the hood were a part of him.

After a few minutes the lights were off and we laid silently in the dark, the sun went down so early every day here...

It was almost five, I'd be back home before seven, when they had dinner anyway....

I wanted to ask him again about the hood, but that stupid scar came back to my mind so I shifted to lay on my side, facing him.

The moon highlighted the features on his face that I was able to see, making him look almost angelical...His eyes were closed though, yet I could tell he wasn't asleep.

I wanted to let everything out, everything I'd been realizing lately...I just wanted to tell him how I felt, how he MADE me feel...and I felt this was a good time, in case he really was asleep. That way I could say I did tell him...

"Bad I-" I tried to speak but he inhaled, turning on his side, meeting my eyes with a soft gaze. 

Being this close to Bad took my breath away...

"You wanted to know about the scars right?" He interrupted, taking my arm that I wasn't leaned on and laid it on his chest. I could feel the roughness of the texture through his shirt, granted it was a very thin shirt.

"I was very little when it happened so I don't remember....But  Father Johnny says I was in a car wreck. My biological parents were killed, and I was the only survivor...Sometimes I have dreams and remember bits and pieces of it... Not that it matters...Father told me that when he adopted me, I had this nasty scar from an emergency surgery to save me. It was a miracle I lived."

His words were rushed, as though he didn't really want to talk about it...But the feeling of the scar beneath my hand through the shirt made me tear up.

"Does it...hurt?" I questioned ...But why did my voice come out so soft? 

I was on the verge of tears and his silence made me bite my lip, causing me to sniffle slightly and wipe my tears.

I heard a soft sigh as Bad snaked his arms around me. One arm hooked around my hips, one around my back...I felt the tears slipping down my cheeks, soaking the front of his shirt that my head rested against.

I felt his chin rest on the top of my head as he rubbed my back to comfort me.

"Skeppy, it doesn't hurt. It's been such a long time. I'm okay." he reassured me.

Why was I crying? The thought that Bad was ever that close to death hurt me, the thought that I couldn't always save him...That I couldn't be there if he truly was in trouble....But also my mother...It reminded me of my mother lying on the floor as I stood and watched my father continue to beat her.

"It's okay. Cry it out Skeppy." Bad cooed, kissing my forehead to soothe me...

What was it about him that could change my entire mood? I could be pissed off and see Bad's smile...Then whatever had me angry would suddenly not matter....

Slowly I began drifting to sleep while Bad hummed, his voice lulled me until I was hugged by the warm darkness.