One Dream S2 | Jakehoon

22. Carpe Diem

<SH is invited to The Shim's Annual Christmas Party.>

Mom: Is SH coming?  Are you wearing a couple outfit?

JK: <annoyed> Yes, he's coming. But, no we are not a couple.

Mom: Yet?    JK: <ignores that comment>

Mom: <well at least he didn't say never, I'm making progress.>   Your brother called, and said he's snowed in, and will be staying at his girlfriend's parent place in Cambridge for the holidays.

JK: <Oh good>  Dad knows SH and I are just friends right?

Mom: I don't know, maybe you should ask him yourself?

JK: What?  Oh, no. <feeling anxious about what may unfold. Remembering the trick Mom and SH played on him.  His heart starts to race, his stomach-churning, feeling nauseous, knowing SH had been irrational these days, not use to this level of uncertainties and diabolical players, unable to control or predict all variables at hand.

His Mom had taught him chess in pre-school, but he wasn't able to beat her until 4th grade, but now there's SH in the mix.  And this is in front of everyone and Dad.  Panic mode kicks in.

Wanting to flee, take flight, but it's too late, he's already here.  Mom has already seen him.  What excuse can I make?  Darn, Why did I agree to invite SH, and why did he accept.  Oh, no, was this planned by Mom. Worst, SH is in on it.  I got to get out.

What do I do?  What excuse can I have?  I need to plan this out and anticipate the outcome and counter.  I'm not ready.  I'm having a heart attack.  This is worse than the iLand finale.  What was I thinking?  Why didn't I see this coming?  Calm down.  Breathe.  Breathe in, Breathe out.  In, Out.

Oh, no.  They want me to come out.  Darn, shoot.  Why can't I cuss properly?  Oh heck.

JK: I'm not gay, Mom.  <covers his mouth, like it slipped, and looks around>

Mom: I didn't say you were, Jakey.  But, don't be so quick to label yourself out of panic or fear.  Your private life is your own, don't let others dictate that for you.

We all struggle with our own feelings.  Look to your heart to find your way.  I know you value family and marriage, so I trust you know what to do.  Just know that love derived from a place of respect will earn you lasting happiness, violate that, and you will terminate your relationship. Affection, the expression of love is nourishment for the soul. I know you can make those distinctions. Someone who truly loves you would never pressure you into doing anything you don't want to, they would respect your boundaries.  

It's nice to see you affectionate and caring with your group members and treating them like family.  You said SH is your soulmate.  I can see how happy you two are together.  I hope you guys can continue to care and support each other.  

But don't just go into gay panic mode everytime SH wants to be close to you, don't shut yourself off.  You need to communicate. Share your views to find your common ground and respect for each other.  If you have any concerns, talk to each other, don't run away.  I can tell SH cares deeply for you and watches over you.

Just know I love and support you, Jakey.  Now, I need my hug, I miss you so much.  

JK: OMG Mom.  Did SH script this for you?

Mom: Why? Did you have this conversation with SH, so I don't need to discuss this with him.

JK: Don't you dare.

Mom: Stop looking so scared. I would never embarrass you in public.  I know your father is old fashion, but once he meets SH.  He'll have a change of heart, but it will take time.

JK: Oh good, so you're not going to make me come out, or anything like that during the party, right?

Mom: Don't be silly Jake, that's no one's business.

<Guests start arriving, and Jake heads out happily to look for SH.>