A Hunger to Share ( Book Three)

chapter 18

James 

Trigger Warning: self harm

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Brooks manor welcomed him into its empty foyer with a reluctant nod.

James looked up at the dark staircase. Just walk. One foot in front of the other. You owe this to Ada. He gaulped and forced his legs to carry him upstairs. The whole house was silent as a graveyard.

Grace and Steven had left after letting him in to give them privacy. James appreciated it but he was terrified of facing Ada on his own, to see the devestation his cruelty had caused. 

He opened the door to Ada's room slowly. She was slumped in the window seat, staring at a dark splash on her light skin. Moonlight passed over her and James realized it was blood.

The strong scent of it filled his nose. He pressed a hand over his mouth. His fangs hurt. He was suddenly hungry but he wasn't going to drink from Ada. That wouldn't be appropriate.

"Came to gloat?" Ada's raspy voice cut through his hunger.

She was shoving something sharp into her skin. A knife. Oh God. It was a fucking knife.

James cleared his throat. "I came to apologize."

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong." Ada looked up at him. Her blue eyes were too bright in the dark, feverish, full of anguish.

"I did. I said some fucked up shit for which I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it... I was in an awful place..."

"Bullshit. You meant every word. You still do." Ada's voice was empty of emotion. The knife came out, blood dripping from the edge, staining Ada's thighs.

James walked towards her, palms held up. "Maybe I did mean it at the time but not anymore. I've had time to think of everything that happened, everything you did to save me and I am thankful. Truly."

Ada rolled her eyes. "Are you drunk?"

"No. I wanted to talk to you, to..."

Ada waved the dagger in front of his face. "Apologize. You already did."

James sat beside her gingerly. "Will you please put that away?"

"Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm only interested in hurting myself." Ada ran the blade across her healing skin, opening it up again.

"You don't deserve this Ada." James said softly.

"This is the only thing keeping me sane."

"There are other ways. You don't have to keep cutting yourself to feel something. I can help you. We can help each other."

"I don't know what's gotten into you but I'm not interested. You said what you wanted to say now leave."

"I can't leave you like this."

"Why not? I'm not trying to kill myself. I don't want the finality of death."

"How can your family let you do this?" James was exasperated. "How can Gideon?"

"They know to mind their own business and let me grieve in my own way."

"But this is messed up. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"What makes you such an expert on what's right and wrong. What the hell do you do to deal with your own guilt? Yoga? Jerk off?" Ada scoffed.

James stared at his lap. "I suck at Yoga and even the thought of anything remotely sexual scares the shit out of me. Makes me physicaly sick."