One Shots part two | [Randy]

•Rockin' around the Christmas tree part 2•

• Andy •

I came back to my flat. I didn't open up the letter he gave me earlier than I came to town. I opened the door and take off my shoes. I hanged the jacket and fell on the couch. 

What is this..

I opened up a piece of paper. This wasn't a normal letter, but I think a song. There was many notes, some lines was just crossed out, and above was written proper words. I started slowly reading. 

With every single line my heartbeat was faster. Tears was running down my face. He is my best friend, how I could hurt him so bad? Wait. He loves me. Hell nah. It's impossible. He can't love me. I am not gay. So he is? He's crazy. 

I must to stop thinking about him and his feelings he has to me. I torn the paper and threw it to the bin. Can't read all this bullshit. I must to talk with him, sooner or later. I opened the bottle of good whiskey and back to my place. While sipping alcohol I was so annoyed, looking to the all the gifts under the Christmas tree. Lights were so calming, illuminating the whole room. 

Who the hell invented the Christmas... 

I just want to end up this shitty atmosphere. I hate it so much. I've never really liked Christmas time, everything during this period is so crazy, overwhelming, everyone lives in a hurry. 

I went straight to my bed, covered myself in top of blankets. Nothing mattered even that I was lying in my clothes. I closed my eyes, trying to not think about anything. This shit wasn't that easy like it used to be. 

I took my iPod and put headphones. I played some random playlist. I didn't listen to the song exactly, I just dreamed of sleeping. Until I heard Justin Timberlake's voice in my head. Mirrors is the only song that calmed me down, but what it talked about quickly put me in an even worse mood.

I threw my iPod against the wall, which made it smash into small pieces. I covered my face with pillow and started shouting. Shouting like a little kid. 

Why I am so nervous? Why I am not good enough? 

On the phone I dialed Ryan's number. 

Come on, just pick up for one second.. 

He picked up after 3 signals. 

- Rye.. 

- Have you read it? - he asked. 

- I read it. Look..

- No, just listen to me. I know it is hard for you, for me too. I screwed up, I know. I kept this feelings deep inside from 5 years. It's time to show you how I am feeling. 

- Just give me a chance to say something! - I interrupted him. - I read it and I started to think why are you so stupid? Did you think 'bout me? How probably I would feel? No. Over these years you were thinking about yourself only. I can't listen to this bullshit. Ryan, grow up! We will never be together. 

And there happened silence. Really bad silence. 

- Ryan, are you there? Ryan?! - I started screaming through the phone. 

No one answered. After a while I reassumed that he hang up. Oh boy, why are you so stupid. Getting away from problems has always been your strong point. You never cared about the other person, always only about yourself.

I turned towards the wall dropping my phone on a soft carpet. 

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