Cursed Love

7

  Life was like doing an artwork. You are focused on one part of the artwork and you think that it is a beauty, something you can live with. But when you take a step back, you realise what a bad mistake the whole thing was and wonder how it ever came to become this. That was what I felt at the end of school on Friday.

  I had just said goodbye to James and took the lift up to my apartment. I took out my phone and started surfing the web when suddenly I stumbled upon a whole blog about me. My guess is that it was Germaine's. That girl was totally crazy. Curious, I looked inside and my heart sank. My stomach lurched in fear and unease as I read the words 'The James Affair'. 

  "---you can see the connection between those two lovebirds!"

  "OMG, they'll be so cute together!"

  "Think he'll ask her to the ball?"

  The comments kept coming and I quickly shut down my phone. Sure, mundanes always think too much, but if I take a step back, don't I think that they are right? That I'm falling in love? The Chemistry tutoring. The race. The lunches together. All the beautiful moments. Why didn't I see it before? It was so obvious, the signs.

  I should not be so selfish. I cannot let him die. I cannot kiss him. As much as I wanted to. I sighed. I should slowly break it off with him...And continue living my life of solitude. That was the way it has to be. And that means...I looked down at the text on my phone from James. 

  Wanna go for breakfast together tomorrow morning?

  Sorry, I'm busy this weekend.

  Oh. Ok. Sure. See you next week?

  Yeah.

  I sighed again. I feel bad, but I do not know why. For the past centuries, I have repelled boys with ease and as for those who got closer with me, I broke their hearts without batting an eye. I pushed them away like second nature. Then why? Why was James any different? What made him able to slide past my walls and make me pause and hesitate? 

  He was just a mundane.

  I collapsed on my bed, and I felt exhausted. But I  couldn't sleep because he was on my mind. James. 

  It was a Sunday morning and I was real riled up. I hardly slept, I look terrible and I finished all the homework plus the ones we were supposed to hand in the week after. Nothing to keep me occupied. I paced around the room restlessly. How was I supposed to control myself? One disarming smile from him, one glimpse into his beautiful eyes and I fall apart completely. I glanced outside my window.

  The sun had just rose in a pool of crimson and gold in which the buildings bathed in. I could hear the sweet chirping of the birds as the fly in the open sky. Free. If only I could be free like them. But we were all chained down by our fears, our wrongs, our pasts... I shook my head. I should take a walk. I just turned something beautiful into something seriously dark, perhaps I was getting too cynical... 

  I brushed my hair and pulled it into a high ponytail, put on a red tank and long, black, slim-fitting pants as well as a white jacket. Then, I grabbed my white sling bag and strolled out of the house. When I finally walked out into the square, I breathed in the cool morning air and sighed as I felt the weight of my worries leave me momentarily.

  There was only a trickle of people this early in the morning, but some shops were open at least. I walked around, looking at mountain gears and whatnot, running my hands down the silky fabric of clothes that make actual sense and watching beautiful nature unfold itself before me. Finally, I bought some food. I put down my bag and sat on the bench as I started eating.