𝟑𝟎 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 | semishira!

𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟒.

TW: death, mentions of suicide

What do we do to calm down? How do humans find peace of mind in their hardest times? Do we sit in the pain, soaking it in like water, or do we try to forget? Do we sit with a cigarette or make a warm cup of cocoa? Do we lean on the people we love? What happens when you love someone, but they don't feel the same? What do we do when the people we love fade away...?

I feel empty after my visit to the hospital. My brain is fuzzy, even though it's been days. I miss him. But do I miss him? Do I miss finding the drugs in his pockets, do I miss him turning back to Ushijima every. single. time? 

Is it the idea of him that I miss? The idea of his lips on mine? It's only been a couple of days, but my heart feels like it's shattered in a million pieces. I can't get out of bed. I can't even shower. Is this post-break up syndrome?

His surgery is supposed to be today

Then he'll forget all about me...

I feel a buzz as I lay in bed post-sobbing. There are no tears in my eyes, I've cried them all out. Tendo Satori will never remember me. The buzzing gets annoying. I throw my covers off and yell, searching for that god damned phone. If only it would just shut the fuck up. 

I pick up the call, it's Tendo's mom. 

She must be telling me how the surgery went

There's crying on the other end. Sobbing. My heart shatters into a million pieces all over again. I already know. I felt it before. 

I already know

"Tendo," she croaks. 

It all feels so unreal

I stay silent. 

"Tendo didn't..." she sobs

I cancel the call. 

My phone drops on the floor

My dried out eyes are welled up with tears, and my hands grip my hair. I stare at the floor, watching the tears fall from my cheeks. 

Tendo's gone

Tendo's gone

I don't

I don't wanna 

I don't wanna live anymore

I let out a loud sob, my scream echoing the room

My face meets the floor, and my body continues to shake and shiver

I let out another loud scream, my body erupting in grief

If only my parents were home

If only I didn't run out of the house an hour later

If only I never took that call

If only I never left Tendo

If only I never kissed Tendo

If only I didn't stand on that building, feeling the wind brush my cheeks. Watching the cars drive by. 

If only I jumped when Shirabu said wait

If only I never loved Tendo

If only

If only

Darkness succumbs my soul 

❝Day 14❞
─30 Days
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1:05 ───⊙─────── 3:58
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