In love with my husband

My Family

I wonder how they are doing, this thought always comes to my mind whenever I go to market. I had come to market for weekly grocery shopping, and the seeing the hustle of the market reminds me of them.

It's been 27 years of my marriage, and I haven't put a step inside that house once. You see, I was a product of my father's affair with his office junior. After I was born, my mother decided that I had apparently ruined her life and left me on the step of this house. People obviously didn't believe this random woman with a child, who suddenly appeared claiming my father has impregnated her. But after some debate, he admitted to me being his child. How do I know all these, you ask? Well, the relatives of that family, and the members themselves never failed to remind me how I had broken that loving family apart. No one in that house wanted me to be there but the old man in that house was the only one who had heart, it seemed. He kept me in that house, while he didn't exactly love me, he also didn't want me to die on the street either. 

He was the one who brought this marriage proposal for me, I guess he was finally done with me being there, affecting his own grandchildren's future. I don't know why they thought that anyway. I was never a good-looking girl, I was never in the limelight, I always hid in the shadows, for 19 years, I lived in that house like an invisible person.

When Avishek met me, he said that he didn't want to marry me to my face. He apparently was in love with someone else. His parents wouldn't listen to him when he said he didn't want to get married, so he asked me to tell no to my family.

I couldn't do that, this family has wanted me out of this family for so long, they would never let this opportunity slip away.

"They won't agree. You have to try and convince your parents" I tell him looking at his shoes.

He was quiet for a long time and spoke, "I'm sorry I won't be able to give you a wife's right. I love someone else. I cannot give my heart to any other girl."

Great, one more person who didn't want me in their life. Sometimes I wonder why I was even born when nobody ever wanted me.

I spoke nothing and just hung my head low. I shouldn't have expected anything. I knew my luck was broken a long time ago. Why did I even imagine anything good will happen to me.

We got married after 10 days. True to his words, in these 27 years, he has only touched me once. Hence, our children, Rahul and Payal. I don't know if I am lucky or not, they are twins and I got pregnant the first time. My in-laws were quite adamant on us giving them grandchildren early.

"When you have kids early, you get to enjoy your old age. You aren't too old to help if your children need you and your kids aren't too young if you need them", mom used to say.

Sometimes I wonder what was he thinking during that time? I doubt he even enjoyed it. Hell, I didn't. I was scared shitless. We had been married for a year then but were still a stranger to each other. We finally gave in to my in-laws' nagging and had kids. After those 2 children, we had gone back to being strangers. We only speak when necessary. Sometimes, I want to see that woman who stole his heart and never gave it back. How was the woman who left such great impression on him, that even after 27 years, he is still hers'. 

I had convinced myself before marriage that my life was going to be as usual. I was unwanted by my father and mother; I will be unwanted by my husband. I don't mind though. He has given me the most important things in my life. My children, and my in-laws, whom I think of as my parents. I am happy in my life, even if I don't get what most other wives do.

 But then, when have I ever gotten what I want.