Christmas with the Calvins

Chapter Sixty-Four

Curtis and Jessica were the last to leave the workshop floor once production was closed down for the day. Overall, things were going well. Sure production wasn't ahead of schedule but at least they had managed keep from falling behind. The kitchen hadn't had any fires and save a few troublesome baby reindeer the North Pole was running as could be expected. Curtis still hadn't been able to get into the Head Elf's safe for the Christmas Checklist, but Jess had found an extremely outdated version in her Handbook from centuries ago. With combined efforts from some of the department heads a temporary list had been composed to get them through the year.

"He would be proud of you, Curtis." Jess whispered, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. They were standing alone in the center of the workshop. The conveyer belts and workstations all displaying signs of interrupted work, halted in various stages of toy making.

"Hmm?" Curtis had been running some projective calculations in his head and had missed what Jessica had said.

"Bernard." She explained. "He would be so proud of you. You've been able to keep everyone on schedule. You deal with problems so diplomatically, even without your checklist. You never forget the most important thing is keeping the Spirit of Christmas alive for people all around the world. It's everything he ever wanted in a successor." She pulled her lips into a bitter sweet smirk. "Figures the one year you prove you can handle it, he's not around to see it. But Curtis, I wish he could."

"Jessica, he's going to come back someday." Curtis was certain. He had to be. He could dare thing for a second his best friend wouldn't eventually go back to the elf they all knew and respected. "Bernard loved you and he loved the North Pole. We just have to keep believing in him. If we even doubt it for a minute..."

"I know what you're going to say. It's like Santa. The second I stop believing that Bernard will remember, then I'll never get him back. But Curtis, it's getting hard and harder to believe every year."

"That's where the magic comes from." He insisted. "Seeing it's believing, believing is seeing. Belief is what powers all the magic at the North Pole. You know what Bernard would say if he were here?"

"Get back to work you two! It's six months before Christmas and we have so much work left!" She suggested in a terrible impression of her husband.

"Well he probably would say that." He chuckled. "But, it's something he told me a long time ago that the head elf before him had said. If we don't believe in ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?"

"I'll keep that in mind Curtis. Have a good night." Jessica gave Curtis a good-bye hug before putting on her winter jacket and braving the Pole's snowy exterior.

Jess wandering up the pathway that led to her house. Bernard's house. It had been a long time since she'd thought of the building that way. As something that only belonged to her husband. She tried opening the door slowly, not wanting to draw the attention of her family just yet. She ran her fingers along the collection of velvet hats that hung on a rack in the entryway. Seven velvet hats that Jess nor Bernard wore anymore as neither felt they belonged to them.

Jessica hung her coat on the rack under the hats and continued moving inside the house. She guided her feet towards the stairs and began quietly climbing upwards. Climbing up the stairs that had been so lovingly designed by her husband and their friends. She walked down the hall past Nick and Noel's rooms and stopped. It was the home office Scott and Quintin had created especially for her and Bernard. This was where she came on the days when she missed him the most. She twisted the doorknob and let herself in.

She'd been trying, desperately, not to hide in the office anymore. With so much going on and Christmas ever approaching, it seemed ridiculous to still go in there. But she knew that in a few short months she'd be too busy to go in, too busy to remember. Everything looked exactly as it had the morning he'd fallen off the roof. The thought of moving anything left an unsettling feeling in her stomach. The kids knew of the room only as "Mommy's office" and they knew it wasn't a place for playing. In a way this broke Jessica's heart. This should have been a room for all of them. A place they could be together. Instead it was a tomb.

There was a beat up CD player in the corner, one of the few things Jess had taken from home when she moved to the Pole. It was covered in Lisa Frank stickers and childish doodles from when she was a decade younger. Jess walked over to the dust covered device and pressed play. Tears filler her eyes as the first song on the CD began to play. It was Jingle Bells Bernard's favorite song.

She pictured him sitting at his desk bent over paperwork and scowling. She walked over to the desk, trying to remember what the last thing he'd been working on was. She imagined a plate of cookies next to his elbow, a mug of coco in his free hand. She sat on the edge of the desk, just like she used to, and closed her eyes. She could almost hear the sound of his pen scratching against parchment under the music. For a few fleeting seconds she could pretend that everything was as it should be. Then a soft knock broke her spell. The real Bernard poked his head inside.

"I'm sorry." He apologized immediately. "I didn't mean to interrupt." He began backing out of the doorway. Jessica knew she should have called out to him. She should have invited him into the room with her. She should have talked to him. But she didn't. She let him close the door, and the tears began to spill over. They trickled down her cheeks and stained the wooden floors. Things would never be as the once were.