Forbidden Freedoms

The reluctant Hero

Billy was kept in hospital overnight for observation. He had inhaled alot of smoke and had banged his head when he had collapsed. He had slept on and off but that was due more to the painkillers he had been given then his own tiredness. The nursing staff had been kind enough to lend Billy a phone charger as by the time he was settled his battery had died. He was treated like a valiant hero, they couldn't have been more kind and caring to him. He felt guilty. He didn't deserve such treatment.
Billys phone buzzed. It was a message from Charlie
- I hope you had a good night and got some rest xxxx
Billy over thought everything so had to take time to think about how to reply to even such an easily answerable message. Before he could formulate a response the phone buzzed again. Another message from Charlie
- have you seen the paper?
.........
- your pictures in it from last night!
.........
- Hero braves flames!
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- I couldn't be prouder xxxx

Billys heart began to race. Why was his picture published? Did they know his name? He didn't want this. Any of this. Why didn't he go for a drink instead of going home? He anguished over his choice. Maybe if he just got back into the normal routine then things will go back to normal. Billy gathered up his things as he thought if he went home to carry on as normal then all this would go away. No more dramas thought Billy. A nurse came in "you have a visitor Billy"
Who would visit me thought Billy. Charlie is at home so who else would it be? Billys heart sank as he assumed the visit would lead to his biggest fear.
The curtain rustles and then gets pulled back. It was the lady whose house was burned down. When she makes eye contact with Billy she lunges towards him and grabs him with a tight hug. She says nothing for what seems like forever just squeezing him as if greeting a child who was home after a long absence. Billy finally breaks the hug by putting his hands on her shoulders and ushering her back a few paces. " I'm not sure what I'm really supposed to say" said the woman nervously. "How about I start with thank you... and of course where are my manners" she said embarrassed "I haven't even introduced myself... my name is Victoria but please call me Vicki". Billy stood there still stunned and unsure what action was appropriate next. His nature to over analyse everything and his instinct veer away from these sort of interactions had left him ill-equipped to deal with this situation. Vicki saw how unsure Billy was and that maybe her actions had made him feel uncomfortable so collected her thoughts and sat calmly on the edge of the bed like she would if she were talking to one of her children. "I've been told your name but we never got the chance to formally meet last night. Your Billy right?" She said in a calm motherly manner. "Yeah that's right. I'm Billy" he replied in manner that seemed to ask her if that was the correct answer. Billy had lacked a parental figure for so long he was unsure how to respond to someone who displayed such mothering instincts. She gestured for him to sit down next to her. He did but he had no idea why. He was a grown man who felt like he was obligated to by a parental figure. He would probably have tidied his room had she told him to. The instant effect she had on him was deep and calming .
Vicki gently placed her hand on his and gripped it lightly so Billy knew his hand was being held but in a subtle and protective way. "There are no words that I can say that will express the gratitude I have towards you Billy" she said as she struggled to hold back tears. "If you hadn't been walking past I know I wouldn't have my son Oliver with me today" she continued this time unable to hold back her tears. She embarrassingly wiped her tears away with her sleeve. Billy reached over to the bedside cabinet and passed her the tissues that were on top of it. He still had no words he could formulate in his mind to respond. Vicki composed herself and continued " my youngest child, Emily, has been sleeping with me as she hasn't been settling at night. I had dosed off and woke up to find the house filled with smoke. My instincts where to shout Oliver to follow me and to lead them outside. I couldn't see Oliver but knew I had to get Emily outside". She looked torn with guilt. She thought she had made a choice between her children. She hadn't she choose to go back in for Oliver as she couldn't carry both. Billy sensing her anguish spoke " you didnt make the wrong decision. You made A decision. If you hadn't maybe you'd all have perished. If you hadn't got out to get help no one would be here today". Oddly profound for someone as socially awkward as Billy. Vicki took a few moments to process this nugget of odd wisdom before replying " I think you were meant to help us Billy. Something gave you the strength and courage to do something extraordinary". Billys body language felt repulsed by this notion " I possess neither courage nor purpose. I was just there. Nothing more". Vicki shook her head vigorously proclaiming "your wrong about that Billy. You didn't hesitate. Not even for a second. Whatever reason you went in to save Oliver be it fate or chance... you needed to do it. I may never know why but you did". The faith that Vicki had not only in fate but in Billy astounded him.
He felt uncomfortable again so quickly tried to veer the conversation in a new direction. "How is Oliver? Is he still in hospital?". Vicki once again held his hand "he should be in for a couple more days then be allowed home" she had an uncomfortable laugh "home?, ha, our home is gone, ashes and dust. No more. But no matter. We are staying with a friend and we will be safe and loved there". The impact of losing her house had not phased her in the way it would have other people. It was bricks and tile to her only. It was family that endured and its location was irrelevant. Billy admired her for this. "You could go and see him if you wish. Oliver, I mean. He'd love to see you I'm sure" she said softly as if trying to get two estranged siblings to break bread. Billy again felt uncomfortable so tried to end the awkward conversation " I've got to get back home and to work Im afraid so maybe another time". He had no intention of pursuing this interaction. He felt no desire to see Oliver. When he found out he was ok the feelings of desperation to save him and protect him faded as quickly as they had arrived. It seemed callous but to Billy the moment had passed and he had moved on. He didn't even feel the need to ask if Emily was OK. There was no connection there for him. Vicki rubbed his hand gently before taking a pen out of her pocket and writing her number on a tissue. "They call this NHS note paper" she said with a cheeky grin peeking out from her lips. "Please take this. No pressure to ever call. I'd like you to and I hope you one day will. There is nothing I can ever do to repay you and I feel one day I will get the opportunity to try". She folded the tissue and placed it into Billys hand. She again hugged him tightly and warmly but this time Billy leaned into it and absorbed everythings from it. Its smell, its warmth, its meaning and its purpose. He didn't know why but he had formed a connection with Vicki. He felt safe, wanted and loved. He had just met her but trusted her like a newborn trusts its mother.
Vicki stood up. Composed herself and bid Billy good bye. This sequence of events left Billy taken back. He had awoken panicked and afraid but now felt calm. Can one embrace really make things so much better? Regardless Billy knew that he needed to get back to normality. He wanted all of this to be over. He gathered his things putting the tissue in his pocket and informed the nurse that he was leaving. It was against doctors advice but he knew what he needed to be better and it wouldn't be found at the hospital.

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