Forbidden Freedoms

The Ugly Truth

Charlie glanced at Vicki confused by Billys sudden claim. Vicki again took the lead "what do you mean your a killer? And whose not real?" Her tone had gone from matriarchal authority to panicked query. Billy just stared as if shocked by this confession himself. She knew she would not like the answer to her next question "who did you kill Billy?". Charlie pulled back her hand and her eyes flickered worryingly between the others.
       Billy knew that he had to tell them the whole truth as ugly and perverse as it was. It was going to be out in matter of hours he was sure and it was best they heard his side rather then the monster he would be portrayed as in the papers and news. "My real name isn't Billy... its Tristan... Tristan Maxwell". The name hung in the air like a bomb waiting to explode. The name seemed familiar to Charlie but she couldn't place where from. Vicki instantly placed the name and stepped back as if pushed by the mere verbalisation of it.
       "No... you can't be" Vicki was hoping this was some sort of sick prank or that his mental health had slipped to the point he was delusional.  "Can't be who?" Pleaded Charlie "someone please tell me what's going on!".
      Before Billy could articulate a sentence in his own head Vicki had already proclaimed the evil truth "he's a child killer.... they killed that little boy". There was distain in Vicki's voice. No warmth,  no affection. Charlie still couldn't connect the dots to the puzzle "what little boy? What are you talking about?". Vicki could no longer look at Billy and turned away. "There was a little boy who was killed about 10 years ago by a group of youths who hurt him then drowned him in the canal" a tear ran down Vicki's cheek but this wasn't for Billy but for the child who had suffered and the family who had to live with this loss. "What?! .... I don't understand... whats this got to do with Billy?" Charlie desperately denied that anything that was aired was true, it couldn't be. "He's not Billy, Billy isn't real. It's a made up name for him to live a life he doesn't deserve" again Vicki could not made eye contact with Billy who stood silent. Words were meaningless at this point and he knew Vicki was lost to him.
      Finally Billy broke his silence - "there is no point in me telling you I'm innocent as I'm not. I didn't kill anyone but I didn't stop it either, I didn't go for help and I promised to keep the secret of what happened. I won't lie and say I didn't play my part, I wanted to be accepted and part of the gang. We were barely teens ourselves". Billy was abruptly cut off by an angry Vicki " don't you dare pretend you are any kind of victim in this!. What happened to that poor boy was evil... pure evil". The tears ran down her cheeks at the memories of what she had read in the papers and the reports she saw on the news. Suddenly all the fears imaginable went through both Vicki and Charlie's heads.
     "Is this why you've been getting close to me to get to my daughter?" Charlie's voice shook, she no longer believed the man before her was not a twisted vile creature who hadn't manipulated her to get to her family. "No! I would never do that!... you know me!" Billy pleaded his innocence but Charlie was lost in her own fears - "I don't know you at all". His heart sank and he once again felt alone just like the day the police took him away from his mother kicking and screaming. Vicki seemed absorbed by Charlie's fears and angrily asked "did you set the fire in my house to get yo my children?!... did you?! ..... did you?!" She rose her hand to hit him but repulsed at the notion of even touching him.
     "Oh my God... No! I was walking past and helped you! Please you have to believe me!" He paused and angrily forced out "if I hadn't stopped to help none of this would be happening to me!.... I just want a normal life... please". He trembled uncontrollably knowing that by telling them the truth he hadn't spared anyone any suffering. Defiantly he spoke "without me your son would have died that night".
      Vicki couldn't deny this fact but it didn't make any of this any easier. How could someone go from owing someone everything to not even wanting to give them anything? "Saving my boy doesn't make up for what you did... you must know that?.... thats not how life works". The question posed a very moral and spiritual dilemma. Is a life for a life enough? Billy didn't know the answers she wanted " I'm not sure how anything works... I just know I didn't want anyone to die the night of the fire and I wasn't scared if someone did and it was me". Even in the tense atmosphere in the flat Vicki and Charlie knew the truth when he spoke it. He wasn't afraid, he didn't want to die but he didn't feel like he deserved to live either. Even through the paranoia and fear they saw a boy in a young man's body. He was frightened, he was alone and he was unloved. He had been for as long as he could clearly remember. Both ladies held each others hands, neither able to go near Billy yet but they felt something.
       Charlie summoned up the courage to speak "I need you to tell me the whole story Billy, not what evils you have done but what happened after. I need to understand what's got us all here". Knowing the story would not avoid the inevitable outcome but it may help them cope with this trauma.  Billy began to think back to a point where he could start the story. He chose when the police knocked on the door of his house and his mum answered the door. He told them how he and 3 of his friends where at the police station and unable to see eachother and wondered who was going to say what. The story went on to how he couldn't lie to the police and they wouldn't let him see him mum. Instead they had a designated social work there who offered no comfort or support. He felt lost and afraid and he deserved it. He was never allowed home and was placed in several youth prisons as even as a child he was deemed a risk not only to others but that others may harm him. He never saw his friends again. He didn't know why he still called them friends. Maybe he had no other reference as to what friends really were.
       Billy continued to tell the path that led them all there and both listened intently as if some magic nugget of wisdom would explain everything. Everything that was happening to him during his childhood was in the papers and there was public outrage so he was given several identities to protect his whereabouts. The papers had dubbed them 'the devils decendants'.He engaged on all the therapy sessions but the therapy wasn't for his benefit. They were studying him, classifying him and cataloguing him. No one wanted to reform this child, they wanted to publish theories about him and reflect on society. He came to the disillusioned conclusion that nothing could explain what had happened apart from evil had happened. He didn't stop the ring leader and cheered when encouraged as he was drawn into the mob. They were boys who had the done the devils deeds as men would. They all deserved to be locked away and never see the light again. They instead fell into a unknown area where they were minors and so no one knew what path to take with them. They were the originators of this dark unchartered area of law and psychology. This fertile undiscovered country of what do you do with children who committed acts of demonic vileness? Punish them or attempt to reform them? While most would see them dead themselves it is almost impossible to dam children to be lost into the system.
      The story ended with how Billy was told he would be released under yet another identity and could live in a specifically selected area under strict rules and regulations. He was not allowed to have access to the Internet, he was to check in everyday at an allotted time, he was to report any incidents that would be deemed to endanger his identity, he had a curfew and most importantly he was to not ever to have any close contact with children. The rules when said outloud didn't seem much like freedom to anyone listening. More a tethered rope that stopped a bird from actually flying away. The illusion  that you have free will or control. Invisible cages everywhere.
     Once the tale had ended all three had not found the answers they had sought but the picture was less blurry and had become more refined. Was Billy a monster? No. Was he the person they had known and become emotionally attached to. No. The tale was in essence meaningless to the future.

Charlie breaks the awkward silent reflection "So what happens now?"