Forbidden Freedoms

How to be remembered?

Billy knew the answer to Charlie's question. He had been it drilled into him constantly. "Once my identity has been made public then I will be contacted by the private company who is contracted to survey and monitor me who will take me away" said Billy. The oddest thing about this statement was that it was a private company as if the Government and official legal system had washed their hands of him. He was an issue to be pawned off to someone else. Out of sight and put of mind. Even now the system was not equipt to deal with this.
       "Take you away! where?" Asked Charlie. She knew it couldn't work but didn't want to lose Billy either. Emotions can be tangled and complicated dilemmas. "Just away" Billy sullenly answered. "Depends if they deem I have done anything wrong, anything that has endangered others. Either to a prison to be held, or a half way house until  I'm repackaged  I suppose. New lives aren't very cost effective and value for money, or so they told me". Billy knew that prison was the most likely immediate place for him. He would be guilty in many peoples eyes of something. It would prove cheaper and cause less outrage to the tax payer that he was being protected again. His situation was now more about political PR and putting a spin on things. He also knew that when his identity was out then prison would not be safe. Even among the criminal elite there is notolerance for his type of crimes.
       "Why would they send you to prison?" Asked Vicki, a level of concern had returned to her voice "you've done nothing wrong". Billy explained that by being exposed he had violated the rules of his release. Not doing wrong was not an excuse for not staying concealed. His chance had gone. His freedom, if that's what it really was is left on its last breaths. Both Vicki and Charlie knew they had exposed him by bringing the media into this. By allowing his picture to me distributed nationally that someone would recognise him and that inevitably his true identity would be revealed. Billy had hours left to exist and they all knew it. "I'm waiting on either a phonecall or a knock on the door" said Billy "then its time for me to go". It all seemed so cloak and dagger like they were in a spy movie, but this wasn't fiction and there was no hope of a happy ending. There would no special gadget he could pull out to escape.
     Again there decended an odd silence between the trio. They were all brimming with mixed emotions, fear and confusion. Charlie who Billy had alway thought saw more of the true him asked something that Billy never truly contemplated. "Who are you now?" Asked Charlie looking deep into Billys eyes. "Are you Tristan, Billy , someone else?..... who is the real you?... the one genuine you?" Billy was taken aback by this question.  He had been told to be someone body else but how much of his own soul was real? He thought about how long he had been Tristan for. It had been more years but to him Tristan had ceased to be the moment he saw his mother's eternal spirit shatter as he was taken away to be imprisoned. He was rarely called by a name after that, merely a number or code word to hide his identity. These years where Tristan was wiped away he couldn't even bring himself to have a name. He was simply lost and in limbo. It wasn't until he was pretty much a man he was given the identity of Billy, well actually William but he shortened it to Billy as William sounded to formal. Billy was his rebirth.
         "I'm Billy as much as I am anyone" Billy tried to put into words how he has lived many phases in life and each chapter was someone else. "I wake up everyday and am grateful for my life as Billy, even in my dreams I'm called Billy". It wasn't an act, a role to play to fool anyone. Billy wasn't an alias for anyone undercover . He really was Billy. All the mannerisms, humour and moments people knew of him were real. He remembered his past but with each passing day the clarity became less refined and the faces in his dreams more blank. He thought about who he truly was as a person and what had shaped him. It was the people and friends he knew as Billy. Suddenly a deep thought entered his mind - "who do you want me to be?" Billy directed the question to both audience members of this twisted tale.
        Neither Vicki nor Charlie wanted him to be anybody else but Billy. This desire didn't make it anymore true though and even if the idendity of Billy had become less of a fictional persona and more of the true man stood before them it wouldn't mean he could stay. Vicki cleared her throat, she didn't want to stumble on her words. "Billy saved my sons life. You saved my sons life. You didn't hesitate, there was no weighing up the morality of if you could receive a clean conscious by your actions. You did what you thought was right with no regard for your own safety.... Billy did what Tristan didn't". She held out her hand and gently held his. Charlie softly held his other hand - "Billy has always been there for me, you've always listened, always supported, always laughed and always made me smile..... thats not an act... thats you". She leaned in and softly kissed his cheek "my Billy".