I Don't Trust Myself (Tommyinnit angst)

Chapter 3 - The Apple

(a/n) I was writing this chapter and it had over 1200 words when my dumb ass deleted the entire thing, replacing it all with the letter T. I am so annoyed. Anyways, I put my blood, sweat and tears in this chapter, twice may I add, so I hope you like it. 

TW: EATING DISORDERS, ANXIETY, SUICIDE, BLOOD, INJURIES

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I stood there, shocked. It was taking a while for my brain to fully process what I was seeing. I was looking at myself, standing on the edge of the bridge, ready to jump. I took into account what I looked like. My previously fluffy blond hair was matted down on the top of my head, looking almost sticky. My deep, icy blue eyes looked tired and dull.

My vision began to spin. I desperately looked for a way out, wanting to keep looking at myself there on the bridge. 

Then my line of vision changed and I saw instead of myself, I was back in my body. I was on the bridge, looking over towards where I was before. I carefully stepped down from the edge, too focused on trying to understand what was happening than to contemplate jumping off the edge of the bridge.

I frantically looked around, trying to find a sign that I was dreaming, or that I was just imagining seeing my self on the bridge until my eyes caught on something that was lying in place of where I was looking onto my body. 

The Apple.

That godforsaken half-eaten apple was lying on the ground, taunting me with every fiber of it's being. I immediately stepped forward and picked the apple up in a swift motion, investigating to see if it was the very same one I had taken unconscious bites out of earlier. Of course it was. I was too engrossed in the apple to hear the footsteps behind me. When I finally heard them, it was too late to jump up and step back. 

"Hello, my name is Elizabeth. I was just wondering if you're okay, I saw you on the bridge earlier and now you are looking at that apple like it's a genie in a bottle." the mystery person, or I guess Elizabeth, said.

"Oh," I stuttered out, "I'm fine, just a bit shaken up."

"Okay, do you need me to walk you back to your house, I don't want you committing if I know there is something I can do about it." Elizabeth offered.

She was awfully forward and it made the the slightest bit uncomfortable, so I quickly thought of a lie suitable for the situation. 

"No no no, you have the wrong impression," I said, "I was not going to do anything bad, I just saw a squirrel jump, or maybe slip, and fall out of a branch overhanging the pond, and I became curious as to what was happening. I didn't mean to scare you." 

I was quite proud of myself for that killer lie I made. But, despite it being the best cover up story one could tell, she sighed as if she was unconvinced but ultimately let me be. 

I walked out of there as fast as I could, desperately trying to leave the uncomfortable situation with the strange girl. I made it about ten minutes into the walk back to my house when I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Thinking I was just hungry, I pushed the pain to the side until I was in so much pain that I couldn't push it off any longer. I raised the edge of my sweatshirt and rested it between my teeth. Then I lifted my shirt slightly to be greeted with a small stick protruding out of my stomach.

Fuck. 

It was a pretty gory sight, a stick impaling my stomach with tiny drops of blood dripping from the puncture. Ouch. I kept walking home, debating whether I tell my parents or not. They would ask how it happened, and I honestly didn't know, and since I couldn't tell them about the apple and bridge situation, I decided that I would just sound stupid. Plus, on top of that, they would probably take me to the emergency room where they probably would notice how malnourished I was. That would not be pog to explain. 

With no other suitable option, I picked that I would rather deal with it myself. I made it back home in about twenty minutes and immediately rushed to my room, looking around my room for something to use to help myself, probably making a commotion. 

I found a first aid kit stuffed underneath the sink in the bathroom and grabbed it. I turned on my PC and searched up how to remove an impaled object. I was greeted with many warnings to not remove the object, instead apply pressure and call 999. I couldn't call 999, as I had previously noted, so instead I decided to risk it and pull the stick out myself. 

I lifted a small piece of gauze from the first aid kit and doused it in rubbing alcohol before thinking twice. I held the stick firmly and pulled quickly, replacing the stick with the alcohol doused gauze. The blood soaked through the gauze the minute it hit contact with my skin.

Shit

I hadn't planned for there to be this much blood. I tried to recover from the initial shock and press more cloth to the wound, but it was bleeding too rapidly for me to keep up with. 

My vision started to tunnel in and go fuzzy around the edges. Just because my vision was starting to fail, didn't mean that my mind would stop racing. Because I hadn't been eating, my blood might bleed quicker. Does that make sense? Certainly not. My head hurt from the thinking. I felt my legs quiver and my knees buckled, hitting the ground with a thud. I sat lying on the ground, helplessly, as the blood from my stomach dripped down onto the carpeted floor, leaving what will most likely become a stain. I prayed that somebody walked in before I bled out, unsure if malnutrition caused my platelets to decrease or not. 

Then my vision went black.