I Don't Trust Myself (Tommyinnit angst)

Chapter 9 - Kurt Messages

(a/n) ayo degenerates. look it up loser. last update poggers? anyhow. I am so excited whilst simultaneously annoyed to publish this lol. This book will finally be finished and I am just ecstatic about that. Um anyways, how are y'all? I'm chilling, you know what it's like. Well, without further ado, the last chapter. <3

TW: DEATH, MOURNING 

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It was simple, the text read, "Hey guys! I just wanted to let you all know that I am so very thankful for you and everything you have done for me. I truly love all of you and wish it didn't have to be this way." It was pasted in the Sleepy Bois group chat, but somehow a photo had made its way into the main Dream SMP discord. 

Short and to the point, very unlike Tommy. In every fashion, the boy tended to be outgoing, loud and friendly, but this arose a suspicious question, was it all fake? Well obviously it had to be.

Wilbur laid in the same spot in his bed for the third day in a row. When Tommy had sent that incriminating message, he put two and two together and rushed to his house. He needed to see Tommy. To feel him. To know that he was safe. Part of him must have known that he wouldn't be there. Part of him had to know this.

The door to Tommy's house had swung open upon his arrival, looking as if people had left in a hurry, a whirlwind of emotion and fear portrayed all around the room. This told Wilbur all he needed to know. 

Wilbur left that day after speaking with Tommy's parents with betrayal following him around like a lost puppy. He had settled himself in his bed, sending out a kurt message to the Sleepy Bois group chat. One that said all it needed to, but leaving room for a plethora of questions and loads of confusion. 

Wilbur wasn't sure what he felt, a mixture of anger, at himself for not seeing this sooner, fear, that if this was happening to the happy-go-lucky boy that Tommy was, who else could be so affected, and misery. He was so utterly miserable about the death of his best friend. It was simple. He missed the boy he used to call annoying, as a joke of course. Only ever as a joke.

He was unsure what to call his emotions, how to classify them, on the other hand, Techno knew exactly what he felt. Now, typically others would think the violence-prone man would be angry, and only feel burning rage. But, for Techno, it was rather the opposite. 

He felt guilt.

When the message from Wilbur came in at first, he had ignored it. Without seeing it's contents, of course. He was elbow deep in editing a video, because we all know he needs to post more, and since he was feeling so productive, he really wanted to utilize it. Now, if he had known what depth that simple message had held, he would've immediately said something, to help or to console others, but rather, he read the message several hours later and was in utter disbelief about what it said. 

If he had just read Tommy's message earlier, he could've talked him out of it. He could've convinced him otherwise. He had such a way with words that Tommy would've had no other option than to listen. To comply. To live. 

Techno had convinced himself that it was his fault, that he was the offhanded reason for all this. Although the logical part of his brain had told him that was not the case, alas, as usual, evil is far more attractive. 

He missed the child. Missed pissing him off. Missed hearing his high-pitched screeching each day they talked. 

He missed his beloved Tommy. 

When Philza heard about what happened, he was the first person to being spamming that chat for answers, reasons, any information at all. But, to his dismay, Wilbur went offline a few feble seconds after sending the heart-wrenching message. 

As much as Philza and his fans joked about 'Dadza', Phil truly felt like a father to the young boy, the two spending ample time in a VC just talking. They would talk about everything, from how to manage stress to more light hearted topics like if bleu cheese or goat cheese was better.

Phil felt as if he had never got to spend enough time with the boy, despite talking to him most every day. He wish he just had more time. That's all he asked for, at least enough to say goodbye, if this was truly what Tommy wanted. 

Tubbo wasn't this understanding. He was furious. Filled to the absolute brim with anger and rage. Absolutely fuming. He was like a dam that was about to break, and the aftermath of the flood would not be very pretty. 

Tubbo didn't understand how Tommy could leave him like this. Tommy promised that he would always be there for him. Now he felt appalled. Were they just lying to each other the entirety of their friendship. Was any time spent together based on lies and deception? 

He hated Tommy for lying, but even more for leaving. Why couldn't he stay for him. He needed him so desperately. 

Tommy never truly realized how loved he was, how supported he was. Some people would die, get it, ba dum tss, to feel this amount of back-up. If only Tommy wasn't as oblivious.

If only he could trust his friends.