I Don't Trust Myself (Tommyinnit angst)

Chapter 6 - The Confession

(a/n) hey hookers. sorry my chapters have been coming out less and less frequently, but I only tend to write late at night when I get random bursts of energy and inspiration. So, If you don't already know, most of my chapters and writing stems from real life experiences. And basically this chapter has a revelation that I came to not too long ago, which made me feel some things. On a side note, I got Invisalign and I'm having a love-hate relationship with it right now. Anyhow, how are you guys? Enjoy the chapter stinkies, I really like it. <3

TW: ANXIETY, EATING DISORDER, THERAPIST, CUTTING, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

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It has been around three weeks since the incident and life hasn't been to fantastic, in all honesty. I have been visiting my therapist twice a week, her name is Dr. Phianthrope, which I find extremely funny, philanthropy meaning charity which looks very similar to her name. The irony, I simply cannot take it. I have only cut twice since the hospital and have been caught both times. 

My friends know close to nothing about the situation as I purposefully kept all details out of their hands because they will pity me or some shit and that is not acceptable in my fucked up mind. Wow. At least I can admit that this is not very helpful for my sanity. Hey! Maybe the therapy is working! Pog...I know I did not just say pog whilst engrossed in my thoughts. Maybe my sanity needs a serious check. The fact that my streamer thoughts are infiltrating my day to day life is kind of creepy. Maybe I shou-

"Tommy, come here!" my mum's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I stumbled down the stairs at the speed of a freight train, barely making it down the stairs in one piece. 

"What's up mum?" I asked.

I quickly realized that this would be yet another serious conversation. I thought we were on a streak! The last serious one was over eight days ago. Guess I have to change the counter.

"Tommy," she continued, "We, we as in your father and I, believe that maybe one of the main causes of your...problems may be your streaming schedule that is interfering with you life, possibly distracting too much from your school work. We all know what happens when you are over-piled with work and stress out. Not good things Tom. Your father and I think that it may be in your best interest to go on a hiatus from streaming."

I stared at my mother and father in contempt. As much as I wanted to believe that they were being selfish and want me to be sad, I know that they are telling the truth. Streaming does put a lot of stress on me and it would probably be good for me if I took a small break. 

"I think it could be beneficial for me to take a small break from streaming," I agreed, "But, with that being said, I still want to do YouTube videos, which don't take up as much time and do not put nearly as much stress on me."

We came to the final conclusion that if I stayed on top of my school work and didn't hurt myself anymore for a month, which I thought was too long, I could start streaming myself again. I came up with the rule that I can only post one video a week, just so I don't leave all my fans completely high and dry. 

The first thing I did when I got back to my room was boot up my PC, not to stream, although that would be very funny. Rather, I decided to let only my closest friends know about my 'hiatus'  before the fandom. 

I pinged the Sleepy Boys group chat on Discord and waited as they all slowly joined. 

"Hey guys, I have something important to talk to you about. I'm totally safe and shit and I'm going to tell the fans, I just want you guys to hear this first." I started.