All I wanted

33.

The weekend passes by and it's finally the start of winter break. I used the weekend to think over Theo and I's "relationship". I couldn't really call it a relationship because we actually haven't talked about it. I mean I want him and he wants me but we haven't discussed or put a label on it. We just sort of talk and then one thing leads to another then one of us gets mad then we don't talk for a day and we do it all again. It's confusing and toxic I know but it's part of my fault because I haven't told him that I feel the same way. I hope to tell him soon that's if we don't lash out at each other within the next week.

I also had to cover up my hickey these past few days. Yup, a hickey. Theo gave me a fucking hickey! I couldn't believe it myself until I took a shower and when I got out there it was, purple and bruised there for everyone to see. It wasn't so hard to cover up since my mom was gone most of the weekend. I also kinda liked the suspense of it. It was like a secret waiting to be spilling out.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop smiling and going back to the memory of Theo in my room. I felt like I was in one of those cheesy rom-coms when I had to sneak him out. And how lost we were in each other. I felt like I needed his lips on mine. I needed his touch. I was unprepared and scared of what to do that I was grateful that my mom can when she did. I like Theo I really do but I'm new to all this stuff and I'm afraid that he might rush into things that I'm not ready for.

Speaking of Theo, he hasn't said a single word to me. He hasn't called, texted, or walked up to my door for the lamest reasons. I don't want to be one of those clingy girls but he's driving me so insane that I might walk over to his house. I understand that he might need time to process all this since I made the first move after he was done trying with me but I couldn't help to feel anxious.

Was he mad? Was he relieved? Is he going to try harder this time around? All I know is that he's happy, I think. I'm pretty sure waking up with a smirk and asking for a kiss before jumping down from a story high window is happy right? What I can tell you is that I'm happy. I'm so happy that I kissed him that night or we would have been back to strangers.

I eventually get mentally drained and pass out on the couch with heavy rain pouring in the background.
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Theo's pov:

Joy and confusion run through my mind. Our relationship is finally turning around just as I wished for. I knew deep down to never stop fighting for her. My instincts finally paid off.

I couldn't get her off my mind. The way she looked so beautiful even in the morning with her cute bed head. I probably looked like an idiot smiling at the memory. I slept like a baby next to her. All these years I couldn't sleep right because it felt like I was missing something and that something was Athena. Not trying to be a creep or anything but she looked so calm and peaceful when she's sleeping making me want to stay in bed with her all day.

I've used these past few days to get my shit together. I'm done. I'm done being a stupid coward. I'll make it right with Athena this time. I'll jump from her window every day if it means I get to be with her.

So far I've been doing great making sure it's perfect this time. I've broken up with Lauren making it so much easier for everyone. I've made sure every little fucked up thing I did was gone and out of the way. And now is the hard part, chasing her. I know Athena she'll overthink and get cold feet but I'm not going to let her. I need to make her feel like I'll be here for her every step of the way, that she's safe and comfortable just like the way she's makes me feel. She makes me feel like the luckiest guy on earth like I'm fully alive like I'm...loved.

Holy shit! I'm in love with her. I'm closed off with my feeling with everyone except my family but Athena makes me feel this type of way. She found my soft spot that I didn't even know I had. I jump up from my bed and pace around my room with this huge ass smile on my face. I'm such an idiot that I didn't realize that I've been in love with her ever since Mrs. Henry assigned me to her.

Every second with her I fell harder and harder. My rude attitude and my jealousy were like a shield. They were helping me deny the feelings I had for her which didn't help making me fall in love with her even more. God, I'm so madly in love with her that I'm willing to prove and fight for her my whole life if I have to. This is too much for me to handle.

I bundle up all these thoughts and put my shoes on. I don't care if she doesn't feel the same way about me I just need to tell her. I put on a brave face and walk to her house. You did it Athena Davis, you taught me how to love again.

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