The Yellow Book

Chapter 2~ The silent cry 2#

She is me and me is her.~

I walk through the door ,
I heard silence ...
Walking further in the room i looked and saw dirty dishes that i have to wash up .
I quickly take off my bag and jacket and run up to my room .
I place it on the chair in my room and run back downstairs.

Took clean water ,place dishes in an order for me to begin washing up .
I was almost finished as I heard a whipping noise from the  left corner of the room as the material made contact with the air.

But it was a sound I was use too
That I had to keep memorize inside my mind .
I stop what I was doing and go in the position I needed to be in,
On my knees cause am below them ,
Am weak when am in their presence .
Am not good enough to look them in the eye.
Am useless so I need to be happy even being below their feet .

The man I was suppose to call father came closer to me ,with his favorite toy.
He came closer and went to the dishes i just wash up and throw all the dishes down onto the floor .
He made a mess with shattered glass all over the floor .
He told me stand in front of him ,in the shattered glass i go . I kneel down in the painful ground. 

I hold my tears ,if he sees me cry he will make me regret it .

I was trained to hurt in silence .....

He took his favorite toy.. the whip as he whips it at my skin .

1 ..10..30...50....75....90 ...100.

As he finish he watch  the bloody art he made on my skin as he kicked me down on my whipped back .

Couldn't scream , I lost my voice ..
I just want to die ... to end all this pain and misery... I can't take anymore . My neighbor almost died ,it wasn't his time ,he had people who would be effected by his death . But God  give them a second chance ,he let me help save my neighbor to survive the death wish he put on his self ...his people got a next chance to be better to him and treat him better , love him better .

This man I was suppose to call father watch me and said maybe then i will follow the rules . He never want hear my reason he just want his rules to be followed.Or else he would beat me bad like he letting all his pent- up anger on me his little punching  bag . Oh I wish  he would just punch me but he likes to hear me scream so he tortures me with his whip or a new toy until I bleed

I know my soul is screaming to be let out . My body is shaking ready to pass out . I can't hold on anymore . I can't see the light anymore . I swear am ready to accept the dark as it calls me to answer  its call  .

He left me on the floor ,in the shattered glass as it cuts deep into my skin , And the whip marks burning begging to be treated . He walk back in and turn me over on my stomach as he pour some liquid on my back .. i had to scream as it was alcohol.  His favorite drink.

I scream but nothing seems to be coming out . I scream for him to stop. I scream for someone to help. But no one came , no one will ever be able to help me from this abuse

As I lay on the floor ,
A song came into my head that i made up   ,

...

Pain will always have an effect on me .
This pain will always make me drown and can't breathe .
This pain will always make me howl.
This pain is nothing like a fall on the ground .
This pain is like a knife heated up coated with alcohol as it stab in my chest straight to my heart,as it burns my flesh.

It hurts, why couldn't my own parents love me. So I wouldn't have to live in this hell hole .
I want be free like a butterfly . Fly and fly .
I want to  always see the shining light .
As it makes me all happy inside.
But all I see is rain storms ,
Lighting strikes as it  hits me in my chest .

Sending me into the hole of a dark place where this monster lay .
That's man I have to call my father because my real parents left me .

In a home where all children are taken. But only me had to be unlucky to be adopted by a monster who wanted a slave ,
Someone who he could push around not a child who he could love and hug.

I can't breathe, but I can't leave
Seems am stuck in the center of better days going to come that God got me or that this monster will soon get tired and just flee.

..

As I finish singing in my head I  remember where I was and why I am  on the ground .

BOOM BOOM!!

The door busted open and the cops busted through the monster was put on his knees as they hand cuff him .
The nurse that was talking to me at the neighbor's house came with her crew .
She went down to my level and said you are safe now . I saw the look into your eyes that was silently screaming for help. So I brought them seem am a bit too late but now your finally save .

That they was the last time someone put their hands on me and neglected me . After I got help from the doctors ,the nurse actually worked on taking me in as her own child and she succeed.  Now I live with her and I feel safe and loved.  I still have nightmares I still have the scars but am safe and no one will hurt me like before .